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Thursday, April 10, 2025

2002: My Life In Poetry Form - Throwback Thursday

 

This is a weekly recurring series featuring five poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and mind were like at a certain age and show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. We return to 2002. I was 24 years old. The Quarter-Life Crisis was hitting hard and left me in a period of depression and reflection.

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Don’t Believe


Don’t believe in God anymore. Don’t believe in what I can not see. Don’t believe in what I’m told anymore. Have no other reason to be. Don’t believe in heaven and hell. Just empty light years of nothing, and hot rock underfoot. Don’t believe in love and hate. It all takes too much and gives so little. Don’t believe there a reason to change, it’s a tightrope over this world, don’t rock it, don’t slip. Don’t believe I deserve another chance. Fucking up is in my plans. Don’t believe in wasting time sitting back a slave to my mind. Don’t want to age, don’t want to stay young. Don’t want to see clear, then there’s no going back. Don’t want to eat my heart out, don’t want it to grow mold. Don’t want you to feel sorry, or tell me it’s all over.

I just want peace of mind, to wake up and know what’s mine. To reach out and feel what’s there, to fall down again and again and not care. I just want to be free, from the weight and the fears. To be free from the heavy heavy heart, and wipe clean those sad sad years. I just want to strip down to all I need to get by, rid myself of all the useless worry forcing me to believe.
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Light’s Changing


Don’t stare at the ground if you can reach for the sky.
Would you stop dreaming if it became too hard to try?
You can’t raise your head when your own hands hold you down. Why force yourself into a skin that never felt right anyway? Lies will become truth if they’re all you ever hear. Don’t believe that you can never be anything more than you are. Don’t believe that this is as far as you can go. You’re probably settling for less than you deserve right now. Let no one tell you how to feel, let no one tear your world down.

Listen to yourself, those words are there for a reason.
Don’t lead with your head, don’t lead with you heart, meet somewhere in between instead. Stand where the sun never sets, let no one reign over you.

Never give it away for less, such a beautiful face don’t let it go to waste. Pride is worth every cent, greed just leaves you broke. Sometimes losing things can help you find things you forgot you even had.
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Puddle Of Light


Hey there listen, what’s that sound? Love is calling, it’s dancing all around. Echoing off the walls, catching fire and lighting up the halls. Have you ever seen the sunrise in someone’s eyes? Or made a wish that your dream would come true? Did you stay up all night anticipating that first shiver that starts it all?

Hey lonely heart you’re about to be born again. Love is being sent to help you believe and to relieve the aching that you feel. It’s not hard to find, not far away, like the same old road you travel everyday. Have you ever stopped to look?
Or looked not trying to find? Eventually it finds you.

Hey you with the sad eyes. Love is calling and you don’t realize. Tapping like thunder at your door, flowing with the cure for the aching that you feel. Have you ever felt someone’s heartbeat on your skin while you sleep? Have you held onto your faith when others abandoned it? It all comes back if you wait.

Hey you with the love in your eyes it’s been awhile. You’ve gone full circle and reunited with an old friend. You’ve been a prisoner, you’ve been in chains, but it’s overdue, the hands that release you. Did you forget? It’s been so long since you sang a happy song. You stopped looking and it found you. When your world is darkest love will come and see you through.
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The Last Time I Was High


I can’t remember the last time I was high. Like the aftertaste of love gone wrong, the buzz has all worn off. December rain, cold and blue it runs through, tears made of ice with nowhere to go. I can’t remember the last time I was free. Like floating on a cloud with everyone looking up at me. I can’t remember closing my eyes to escape, or when a prayer was my only conversation. It should have shone when I was alone, begging for the rush of a comatose state.

I can’t remember the last time I was high. If I did, I would have held onto it. Like the first touch of a love still new, I’d drink until I was thirsty again. Fog and mist, do I still exist? Sometimes I may be the only one here. Memories fade, memories die, like the skeletons we carry and the secrets we hide. I can’t remember there being so few colors in the rainbow, or when just one word could break my back.

I can’t remember the last time I was high. The room still spins, but the earth isn’t turning, it’s resting on my head. Could it be real, must I touch it if I want to feel? Am I really low? Am I upside down? Did everyone else just float away? Could someone say they understand, walk in my shoes, living this life hand in hand? Or am I high on sadness? Too lost in myself to see I’ve risen right out of the atmosphere?
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Wednesday, April 9, 2025

In My Footsteps Podcast Episode 190: When Grunge Killed Hair Metal, Garfield, 1960s Passing Fads, Halley's Comet(4-9-2025)

 


The battle between Hair Metal and Grunge. The effect of Garfield on my childhood. Some passing fads of the 1960s.

Episode 190 is filled with fun old school nostalgia to help you feel young again, briefly.

It starts with a look at the rise and pop culture relevance of Garfield the cat. From his humble beginnings as a fat, lazy orange cat in a comic strip to television, movies, and gobs of merch, Garfield has been making childhoods, including mine, better since 1978.

We go way back in the day to look at a clash of styles. The battle for supremacy between hair metal and grunge music. One dominated the late 80s with screeching arena rock and unique looks. The other burst onto the scene in the early 90s, unpolished and raw. Which one won?

A brand new Top 5 will showcase some 1960s passing fads. These things were briefly popular and ultimately flamed out. Clothing, hair styles, toys, odd inventions, they're all here, and a few were directly impacted by The Beatles.

There is new This Week In History and Time Capsule looking back at the last time Halley's Comet passed by the Earth.

For more great content become a subscriber on Patreon!

Helpful Links from this Episode

Listen to Episode 189 here


Monday, April 7, 2025

Initial Impressions 2.0 Blog #63: Clearance Items, Seltzer Excitement, Pizza Woes, etc.





1. I am a sucker for clearance items. I am especially a sucker for grocery store clearance items. Not things that are set to expire immediately. I’m talking about products being phased out because they’re not selling. If I see the red sticker that says ‘clearance’ you’ve got my attention. I now find myself buying things I likely don’t need mainly because they’re 50% off. I’m not saying I needed 2 different types of BBQ sauce, but the red sticker was too much for me to pass up. The funny thing is that sometimes I find something I like on clearance, and of course, it’s then sold out forever, and I have to go try to find it somewhere else, for full price, booo.


2. April Fool’s Day was this week. I have had many years where I post something outlandish as a joke. This year I decided against it mainly because I felt that if I posted something about moving somewhere or getting a new job, I’d have people immediately jumping to conclusions. Then I’d end up losing my job or having to move from where I live because people thought my April Fool’s joke was real. Maybe I’m just old and not funny anymore. There’s a joke, the not-funny part. I definitely am old-ish now.


3. As a trainer, I take great pride in constructing workouts to challenge and help any client I have. I consider myself flexible as well. If someone comes in with low back pain, I am going to scrap any exercises that might inflame that issue. So I do get bristly when I have a new client basically acting like a coach trying to make me run their plays. I had a lady come in and start listing what she wanted to do. It was a lot of ‘shouldn’t I do this instead?’ or ‘I want to do this.’ It’s like, if you’re so knowledgeable why did you come to me? It’s rare to have a client who is rude, bossy, and dismissive of my efforts. I was literally counting down the seconds until her session was over. Then to top it off, she stayed in the gym late, trying to milk extra time. Sorry lady, I had another client waiting who I actually enjoyed working with.


4. Sad news about the death of Val Kilmer at 65 from pneumonia. He had a lot of great roles, from Top Gun to Tombstone to Batman Forever and more. To me though the lasting memory of Val Kilmer is his 1984 underrated comedy movie Top Secret. I think it's because its cheesy spoof humor appealed to me when I first saw it at age 11. If you haven’t seen it, you should. I’ll be watching it again this week for some good old-fashioned nostalgia. Rest in peace, Val Kilmer.


My favorite Val Kilmer movie.



5. Happier news is the incredible recovery of my Uncle Bob. He suffered a pair of severe strokes late last summer. For a time, it looked like he would not survive. It has been a slow, difficult journey spent in a rehab center near Boston. There have been times where the news was slow coming and I had no idea where he was at. Then suddenly this week, he is back online commenting on a post I shared about my Nana, his mom. He says he hopes to be home soon and it will be so good to get to see him. It’s honestly close to a miracle he pulled through when I think of how my last interaction was with him in the ICU. Such great news.


6. That post about my Nana that I mentioned above? Well I had a new client sign up to start training with me this week. It turns out that she used to work with my Nana at the electric company in the 1980s. My Nana has been gone for 15 years. Hearing about her from a stranger’s perspective is very rare. It was so thrilling and a bit emotional to hear this woman gush about my Nana. It was like she was still alive which really made my day.


7. I freely admit I get way too excited for the new seasonal seltzers from Polar. It’s summer and winter flavors. They usually keep a few the same but try new ones. I am currently drinking Poolside Grape Pops and love it. This won’t be a weekly review thing where I try a new flavor but honestly, I wouldn’t mind it. If 20-year-old me knew that one day I’d be waking up before 7am on days off, loving dollar stores, and geeking out over seltzer flavors he’d probably have just moved to the mountains and waited for the bears to finish him.


Yes, I love the Polar seasonal seltzers.



8. Some people lead very sad lives. It says a lot about a person when I post a photo or video of a sunset and they feel the need to complain that it’s going to rain, or is too cold, or the sunset will soon be ruined by bugs, or tourists. I mean good lord, these people are literal black clouds. Your bitterness doesn’t need to be in my comments. Just go back to looking at your high school yearbook and wondering where it all went wrong.


9. 2 things. 1. the Domino’s Pizza parmesan-stuffed crust is awesome. 2. I can’t eat things like that ever again. Oh, don’t get me wrong, it tasted great, but man, my stomach was angry almost immediately. I wanted a cheat meal and didn’t realize that my body has gotten used to eating relatively healthy. I guess that’s a good thing. Next time I want a cheat meal, maybe I’ll get a box of cereal.


It was both good and bad...



10. Honestly, I can say that I get as much of a good feeling from popping an edible, sitting in my chair, and watching YouTube videos as I used to going out to a bar and drinking. It’s not as loud. I don’t have to worry about driving. I don’t have a hangover. I don’t have to worry about waking up next to a wildebeest. It’s likely just me getting old and boring but still, I don’t miss alcohol or the surrounding shenanigans one bit. 

Sunday, April 6, 2025

When Cape Cod Became A Vacation Destination: 1873-1900



    Today, in the 2020s, Cape Cod is a major destination for travelers looking to escape the grind of the city. Exchanging smog for salty air, bustling sidewalks for windy country roads, and the rat race for relaxation.

    It has been this way for generations. Cape Cod is relatively docile during the colder months and swells to the point of bursting during the summer. However, it was not always that way.

    Long ago Cape Cod was rustic, virtually deserted except for the hearty locals that plied their trades along the seashore and dirt roads. Then something changed. Well, two things.

    First came the classic novel Cape Cod written by Henry David Thoreau. Released in 1865 it gave a first-person romantic view of the sandy peninsula so few knew about. It gave people nearby a reason to pay Cape Cod a visit.

    Second, the Old Colony Railroad finished its expansion into Provincetown. Reaching the end of Cape Cod in July 1873 the railroad now gave people from farther away access to the places that Thoreau’s book had described less than a decade prior.

    These two things together were the genesis of creating a vacation destination. It did not take long for railroad cars filled with travelers to take the ride from near and far. They stopped in Sandwich, Falmouth, Chatham, Provincetown et all. These people poured into the villages in search of Thoreau’s Cape Cod. So what was it like to be a tourist on Cape Cod in the early days? We will take a look at a vacation on Cape Cod in the late 19th century.


Provincetown railroad station c. 1900(Picryl.com)



    The arrival of the Old Colony railroad in Provincetown, Massachusetts, in 1873 was a major turning point in Cape Cod's transformation from a working maritime region to a sought-after summer tourist destination.

    The line connected directly to Boston, making travel quicker, cheaper, and more accessible—especially for the growing middle class. With the arrival of the train, Cape Cod began to shift away from industries like whaling, fishing, and saltworks—many of which were already declining—and embraced the growing economy of leisure and summer escape.

    Once arriving via rail, one could take a horse and carriage to a nearby resort, hotel, or cottage. It was far different back then. There was no such thing as a hotel chain. It was single-location hotels and/or resorts. The average room at a lodging establishment would run you anywhere from $1($26 in 2025) a night in the early 1870s to about $6($229 in 2025) a night in the late 1890s.

    Interestingly there were countless boarding houses and seaside inns that began popping up. These were similar to today’s bed and breakfast locations. Also, it was rare to stay for a night. Typically the average visitor would plan for a week, month, or even the entire summer.

    Some of the popular hotels one could have stayed at on Cape Cod during those latter days of the 1800s included the Cape’s first resort, Hotel Chatham, which opened in the summer of 1890. There was The Globe Hotel in Barnstable Village which opened in 1827. It would later become the Barnstable Inn and remain in business until 1972.

    Visitors could also have stayed at the extravagant Chequesset Inn in Wellfleet. Built in 1886 this resort hotel on a wharf over the water at Mayo Beach was unlike anything else on Cape Cod. The Central House in Sandwich, which opened in the mid-18th century, was a popular spot and later became the Daniel Webster Inn. The Santuit House in Cotuit was one of the original hotels on the peninsula, opening in 1860. There was also the iconic East Bay Lodge in Osterville, which opened its doors in 1886 and remained in business for over a century.

    Of course, if one was looking to walk in Thoreau’s footsteps, they could literally stay where he stayed. The Highland House in Truro, formerly the Small Farm, opened as a boarding house proper in the late 1860s after the release of Thoreau’s Cape Cod.

    If resorts or hotels weren’t desired there were also normal everyday people who would open up spare rooms in their homes to travelers. It is not too unlike today’s AirBnb company. The local residents began catering to visitors with services like horseback tours, fishing charters, beach outings, and homemade meals. It was an economic boom for Cape Cod.


Chequesset Inn in Wellfleet



    It didn’t take long before wealthy Bostonians began summering on Cape Cod, often for weeks or months. Over time, the seaside towns that had once been tightly knit fishing communities opened up to a seasonal rhythm of visitors that is commonplace today. Cape Cod was praised for its “invigorating sea air” as a remedy for the city’s industrial ills, especially for treating "nervous ailments" and "weak lungs."

    In one article from the Boston Globe in August 1885 Cape Cod was said to have three “productions.” They were men of ability, pretty girls, and undisputed excellence of its cranberries. It is no wonder people near and far began flocking to the “right arm of Massachusetts.”

    The beautiful scenery was similar to what one sees today on Cape Cod. However, the amenities were far different. It was top-of-the-line for the time. That being said, electricity was very rare, even in the late 1890s. Rooms were lit by oil lamps. Also, indoor plumbing was a luxury; you would have to make do with a chamber pot or outhouse in most locations.  

    Meals at a hotel, resort, or boarding house were formal affairs, often with fresh seafood, local vegetables, and multiple courses. Think clam chowder, broiled fish, blueberry pies, and pitchers of lemonade or ginger beer.

    If you wanted to venture out on the town to get a meal there weren’t restaurants as you’d think of them today. Typically, taverns doubled as ‘eating houses’ so you could enjoy a drink and a meal. The dress code even at casual ‘chowder houses’ was fancy by today’s standards. Men wore jackets, often even hats, to the table. Women wore dresses with high collars and long sleeves—even in summer. Once inside and seated, you were expected to sit up straight and speak quietly.

    The fare was classic New England. You could get clam chowder, baked or steamed fish, or chicken. There were vegetable choices like beets or stewed tomatoes. Desserts consisted of various puddings and pies. One thing you wouldn’t be expected to do while eating out was tipping, although that practice was becoming more common at the turn of the 20th century.


What a dinig room of a resort might have looked like.(Bing AI)



    Once settled in at the desired location on Cape Cod there was no lack of activities to partake in and attractions to visit.

    Early risers could enjoy the sunrise and a walk on the beach or along quaint village lanes. There was shell collecting, sketching or journaling, and excursions to nearby sites. These were via carriage or wagon.

    If you didn’t like those options, there was always the new mode of transportation called a bicycle. It was invented back in 1817 by German inventor Karl von Drais. Innovations in safety led to bicycles being widely available starting in the 1880s. 

    Be aware though that a bicycle would cost a pretty penny. For example, in 1896, a Monarch brand bike on the low end would cost you $40($1,500 in 2025). A model with all of the bells and whistles could run you upwards of $100($3,700 in 2025).

    

    Heading out and about on Cape Cod in the early years of its life as a vacation destination would bring you to many incredible sites. What you saw depended on where you stayed. In those days, you typically did not venture a great distance from your hotel as a horse-drawn carriage or a bicycle could only realistically go so far.

    One thing that could be seen virtually anywhere was the ocean. Fishing and swimming, or bathing as it was referred to then, were the two most popular activities during a summer jaunt to Cape Cod.

    In Falmouth, one could take a dip at Silver Beach; it wasn’t ‘Old’ yet. In Chatham, it was Harding’s Beach. Orleans had Nauset Beach. The Outer Beach was the name for the stretch of sand between Coast Guard Beach in Eastham and Race Point in Provincetown. One could also partake in the growing activity of pleasure boating, especially in the 1890s.


The remains of Billingsgate Island in 1890(Picryl.com)



    Perhaps you could take a boat to the tip of Monomoy Island in Chatham. A popular activity was taking a boat across Provincetown Harbor to Long Point, something that is still enjoyed to this day. Long Point went from a bustling community in the 1850s to virtually deserted by the late 1870s. Many of the homes that once dotted the ‘fingertip’ of Cape Cod were floated across and assimilated into Provincetown proper.

    Boats at the time would have no issue traversing Vineyard Sound to get from Woods Hole to the island of Martha’s Vineyard as it was roughly five miles. Nantucket from Hyannis might be a little more difficult, being thirty miles offshore. Another option was to sail out from Eastham or Wellfleet on Cape Cod Bay to Billingsgate Island. Though erosion was becoming an issue, there was still a thriving community on the shrinking island well into the 1880s.

    Lighthouses dotted the shore to keep boats safe. The Outer Beach of Cape Cod is seen as one of the most treacherous stretches of ocean on the east coast of the United States. In the early days of Cape Cod tourism the cargo ship Whittaker wrecked off of North Truro in 1876. More famously, the steamship Portland wrecked off of North Truro in 1898.

    Along the eastern shore of Cape Cod, one would notice the Chatham Twin Lights, which were erected in 1877. Further up the coast sat the Three Sisters of Nauset. The diminutive wooden towers were built in 1892 to replace brick towers that were allowed to be claimed by the sea. Continuing north you’d find Cape Cod’s oldest lighthouse, Highland Light in Truro. The different number of lighthouses at the three stations was intentional so that seafarers would have a better idea of where they were.


The Three Sisters of Nauset(Picryl.com)



    There were no movie theaters yet but one could find entertainment nonetheless. The resorts where you stayed often had parlor concerts, dances, and lectures. Most towns had bandstands at the green where concerts were held several evenings a week.

    If you were staying in Truro you would be lucky enough to be close to Cape Cod’s first golf course. Founded in 1892, Highland Links is a nine-hole course that to this day is kept as close to the Scottish tradition as possible. Spectacular views are mixed with natural hazards like Scotch broom and wild cranberry. Back then though the greens were made of sand rather than grass.

    Shopping was a popular pastime in those early days of Cape Cod vacations. However, it was a different experience. There were no department stores yet on Cape Cod. Jordan Marsh was a big deal, but trips to Boston in the late 1800s were few and far between. On the Cape visitors would check out general stores.

    The building itself was typically a weathered clapboard with a wooden sign hanging out front — maybe it just said something like “Dry Goods & Provisions.” The store might be creaky-floored, dimly lit with oil lamps or early gas lighting, and smelling of a mix of coffee, kerosene, tobacco, spices, and wood. Shelves were packed, floor to ceiling, and everything felt a bit cluttered but cozy.

    Don’t let the aesthetic sway you though; one could get virtually anything you needed on your vacation inside the general store’s walls. This included dry goods like flour, sugar, salt, coffee, beans, rice, and molasses. There were tools & hardware like nails, rope, lanterns, and fishing gear. You could get clothing & fabric like bolts of calico, buttons, socks, hats, and even corsets. There were household needs like soap, candles, kerosene, matches, and enamelware. Don’t forget medicines, local produce or meat, and even luxury items like imported tea. Maybe you could even have a Coca-Cola, which came around in 1886.



    Shopping was also different back then because you had to ask the keeper for what you wanted. There was credit and bartering as options for payment. General stores were also social hubs for the locals.


    Popular general stores from the time included the Hallet store on the Old Kings Highway in Yarmouth Port which opened in 1889. The Knowles General Store in Brewster opened in 1866 and is still in operation today as the Brewster General Store. Brackett’s store in Eastham was supplying the Outer Cape from its opening in 1850. Centerville also had a Hallet’s general store. This one opened in 1856 and is still in operation today as the 1856 Country Store.

Brackett's General Store in Eastham



    Those spending their vacation time on Cape Cod had no shortage of wonderful attractions to enjoy. The Boston and Sandwich Glass Company in Sandwich was one of the largest businesses on Cape Cod. One could tour the glassworks up until its closure in 1888. 

    In Provincetown, a popular spot was the site of the Pilgrims' first landing. Located at the end of Commercial Street, you’d see their landing site, but this was in the days before the Pilgrim Monument, or even the West End Breakwater, which you can walk across to Long Point.

    In Yarmouth, you might gaze upon the Farris Windmill, which now resides in Michigan. In Wellfleet, you might spend the day at the beach in the shadow of Mayo Beach Light, which now resides in California. In Woods Hole, you might be unlucky and be downwind of the Pacific Guano Company. The fertilizer made at this factory was comprised of bird guano, sulfur from Italy, and various small local fish. It went bankrupt in 1889.

    In those early tourism days between 1875 and 1900, Cape Cod was known for fishing and cranberries. Many visitors partook in those activities or at least watched them. Virtually every town on the Cape had one or several working cranberry bogs, with upwards of 400,000 barrels being harvested annually. They also had no shortage of fishermen, rustic shacks, and boats.


(Boston Public Library)



    Spending a week, month, or entire summer on Cape Cod might make you the envy of your family and friends. You could further rub it in by sending them letters or postcards at the post office or telegraph office in town. Telephones were still a novelty in the 1880s and 1890s. This meant that even if you had access to one, the person you wanted to call might not.

    Similar to how life is on Cape Cod in the present day when Labor Day, first celebrated in 1882, approached it was time for many businesses to close up shop for the long winter. The railroad took the visitors back to where they had come from. Whether Boston, Providence, New York, or any smaller village in between, those who spent time on Cape Cod left with cherished memories, and perhaps a few souvenirs.

    As the 20th century dawned there was much to be excited about as far as tourism on Cape Cod. Electricity, telephones, and automobiles all became common. Guglielmo Marconi made wireless communication easier paving the way for radio. This made it possible to promote Cape Cod to the United States as a whole.

    It was off to the races. Kids who visited Cape Cod in the early days returned with their kids. Generations of families have made the Cape part of their summer ritual.

    Some things have changed. Cranberries and fishing are no longer the main enterprises. The roads are paved and named. Retail chains are as prevalent as mom-and-pop shops. However, some things remain the same from the late 1800s. The dunes create a magical landscape. Lighthouses still shepherd vessels safely by. Although there is a canal separating Cape Cod from the mainland, there is still a vibe that cannot be quantified when one arrives.

    Since the arrival of the Old Colony Railroad in Provincetown in the summer of 1873 made it more accessible, Cape Cod has been a vacation destination. The world feels smaller in the 2020s yet when arriving on Cape Cod, it is possible to find that same aura that those who first visited there must have felt. It cannot be explained. It must simply be experienced.

A classic Cape Cod scene.(Boston Public Library)