Initial Impressions 2.0 Blog #139: The Cabin Movie Shoot Day 2

1. I began the fourth day of my time in rural north central Pennsylvania by downing an energy drink and trying my best to wake up quickly before exiting the motel room to head over to Wellsboro to meet the rest of the crew. I found it amazing how fast my body will wake up when I have fun and exciting things on my schedule. If it was a typical work day, my body would have been like a Ziploc bag full of oatmeal. Yet, there I was on that morning, very tired but fully awake because of the adrenaline that kicked in as soon as my eyes opened. Each filming morning required me to be at Director Mark’s house in the next town over from where I was staying by 8:15am. No matter what time I managed to fall asleep, I was alive and kicking by 6:30am at the latest.


2. This was the first day that we would all be heading to the cabin to shoot. We were lucky in that Mark knew someone with a cabin nearly in the middle of nowhere. They were willing to allow us to use it for nothing. We had gone a few nights earlier to clean the cabin to get it camera-ready. That day, we packed up gear, loaded the food I had bought at Walmart, picked up anyone who needed to carpool, and started the journey to the tiny township of Osceola. I thought Mansfield was small, with a population of just under 3,000. Nothing prepared me for Osceola. Its population is under 600. On each of the drives out to the cabin, we would pass by many dilapidated houses. These looked like if you got a flat and needed to ask for help, you’d be shot before your foot touched the grass on the edge of their property. In fact, there was one time when Mark had to stop to wait for another car to catch up. I was carpooling with him. I was on my guard as we parked in front of one of these sketchy houses. When a person stepped out onto their porch, I was ready to duck and cover. There were never any issues with anyone on the drives out to the cabin, but it felt like the threat was always there.


3. A daily highlight on my drives, not only to the cabin, but just around where I was in Pennsylvania, was the fog and clouds. The elevation in the area ranges from 1,000 to 2,000 feet, and so there were times, especially in the morning, when the fog and clouds would be right at eye level or just above. We get tons of fog on Cape Cod; the spring is the worst of it. However, I hadn’t seen it hovering just off the ground, the same with the clouds. I couldn’t get any photos while I was driving, but managed to grab one while on a drive out to the cabin on that first day of shooting. It won’t do justice to how cool it was, but it’s better than nothing. Mark told me that the fog/clouds and the heat lightning that I found so exciting were so routine that it didn’t even faze him. I guess it’s the same as how I feel about the summer traffic on Cape Cod. No, wait, that’s never exciting or fun.

Looking at the fog on the horizon traveling toward Osceola.

4. The cabin itself was an interesting character not only in the film but for my trip in general. I mentioned the obnoxious amount of stuffed animals inside, and not the cuddly ones kids have on their beds. We arrived and, first off, had to turn on the power. This would come into play a few times throughout the shoot. There was a breaker for the pump, which allowed us to have running water. Not wanting to overdo it, we would only flip the switch for short bursts periodically when we needed to use water or the bathroom. I was honestly fine with just wandering off behind some bushes, but I know that’s not for everyone. We unpacked the food and set up the props, lighting, and scenery we needed. Even though we were only there for two full days, it did feel like we were arriving at an Airbnb. There were a few perishable items we brought: meat, cheese, and bottled water, so we had to shove them in the fridge. Surprisingly, the fridge was full. We didn’t get too excited, though; it was mostly condiments and copious amounts of beer, which I am sure the cabin owners had counted. There would be some time to explore the cabin thoroughly, but once we had everything settled, it was time to dive right into shooting.

A pano shot showing how isolated we were.

5. It’s funny, regarding the trip in general, I can tell how busy the days were by just how many photos and videos I got. This day was the busiest by far, with the following day being only slightly less busy. It should come as no surprise that, since we were shooting at a cabin roughly a mile from anything that the cell reception was nearly nonexistent. I would get flashes of one bar of service, but it was never anything that allowed me to post any updates on social media. I was, for all intents and purposes, off the radar for two entire days. I still shot a handful of videos on this day. I even began uploading one to Instagram around 10:30am. By the time we left the cabin, which was close to 9pm, that story was maybe 30% uploaded. I ended up canceling that upload and throwing all of the footage up once I got back to my motel room and civilization.





6. Being that we had a small cast and a small budget, I had a feeling that I might end up with a role or two in the film. One came about by my own foolishness. I was checking over the script while still on Cape Cod, and on the first page, in the very first scene, I saw that there was a character that I never cast. It was another friend of Will, the main character, who is being given the lowdown about why he was quitting his job. Since I was pressed for time, I decided to just record those lines myself, so that was my first role. Secondly, I took on the role of an investigator near the end of the film. This was relatively small, so I wasn’t too worried about remembering lines. This role was memorable because it came with a costume. Mark’s son Anthony, who is such a sweet person and a very talented visual effects person, brought this hefty trench coat with him. I agreed to wear it in my role as the investigator. The trench coat was memorable for two reasons. For one, it was 85 degrees and humid, so wearing it was like having a portable sauna. Secondly, it was too big. I looked like a five-year-old who got into daddy’s clothes. All I could do was laugh when the cameras weren’t rolling, of course. I was so inspired by the incredible acting jobs that Cody and Jeff did that I took on some extra lines and lightened the load for Michael, who played another police officer. A funny thing that won’t come through in the film is that my character was interacting with Cody’s character in a scene. The only issue was Cody had to run home to let his dog out. So we shot my scene with me interrogating an empty chair off-screen. I got really intense too. I hope I scared that invisible ghost I was yelling at.

7. As far as my roles in The Cabin go, we save the best for last. My third role ended up being that of the mysterious creature that stalks the main character. Coming into the shoot, I don’t think any of us had a clue who would be in that role. I had brought the outfit for the creature from my own closet. Anthony had made the mask. So we had the creature costume but nobody to play it. I didn’t need to have my arm twisted too much to play the role. For one, it had no dialogue, just a lot of growls, grunts, and howls. Also, it was another perfect full-circle moment. When I used to make skits with my friends with my camcorder in the 1990s, I enjoyed being a bit of a stuntman. I would fall and throw myself around to make things look good. Granted, I was now 30 years older, but how much different could it be? The answer was very similar but also very different. I had to get made up in the monster garb, which included a horrifying mask with one tiny eye hole for sight. There were also copious amounts of blood to make me look as gross as possible. A fun little issue came after nearly every scene where the neck of the mask needed to be tucked back into the collar of the shirt I was wearing. I looked a bit like a cross between Jason from Friday the 13th Part 4 and Sloth from The Goonies. The setup was all good to go, but could I pull off being the creature?


8. Yes. But seriously, we shot the initial monster scenes at night, and so with very little vision I had to basically use The Force to make my way around. This included crashing through a door, killing one person convincingly with no real way to see them, and then viciously trying to bash my way through another door. I was told that my performance terrified the others. Mark said as he was filming that he thought I was going to really break the door down, but he didn’t want to stop me. I left blood all over the cabin, some of which we wouldn’t find until it was time for us to pack up and leave. The initial crashing through the door was nuts. I went all out. Not being able to see much in the dark and with a quarter-sized eye hole made it easy for me to appear to be wild. I was throwing chairs, growling, and causing utter chaos. The only downer was one guy whining that I got blood on his shirt. It’s like, you’re acting in a movie; nobody forced you to come. Later on, as we were all leaving, we saw him pulled over in his vehicle, changing his shirt. He must have had a date that he didn’t want to know what he was up to. I would have another crack at being the creature the next day, but we’ll get to that when the time arrives.


9. Throughout our time out at the cabin, I tried to manifest a nature encounter. I saw a few deer, including one that walked into the front yard to eat apples. There was a rabbit that really seemed to enjoy hanging out in the back yard by the shed. Those were all well and good, but what I wanted was a black bear. Oh, I’m sure if I had been jumped by a bear I’d have regretted asking for it, but I never got the chance. I didn’t go all out and start playing bear calls on my phone or anything, but we were in the middle of nowhere in bear country; I mean, come on. A few times I wandered up into this clearing behind the cabin hoping that I’d sneak up on a bear foraging for berries. Yes, I did think to myself how stupid and dangerous it was, but damn it, I wanted photos of Yogi doing stuff. The closest I got to a black bear while in Pennsylvania came when I was walking the bike trail earlier in the week. I heard some noises coming from maybe 20-30 feet in the woods off the trail. I figured it was either a group of squirrels or maybe a deer. Mark said it was more than likely a bear since they like to forage for food in areas like that. I never saw it, so there’s no proof, but Mark lives out there and would know better than me. Therefore, I am considering it a near-miss with a black bear. In the future, the story will evolve into me fighting for my life against the bear, which is why I was unable to get any photographic evidence.


10. There were several hilarious moments during our shooting at the cabin. One that only became funny after the fact was as follows. It was broad daylight, but we needed to get some night scenes done. This required some lighting trickery, including shooting day for night, which will mostly be applied during post-production. A more practical way to make day look like night is to cover windows with something black. We had a sheet that would do the trick. First, Anthony and I tried taping the sheet over the window from the inside. This was a failure and included us losing the tape as soon as we put it down, despite neither of us moving from where we stood. It ended up being wedged between the mattress and the side of the frame. We even sent Michael outside to see if somehow we dropped it out the window. The next bright idea was taping the sheet to a pair of lighting stands outside and raising it up to block the window. The sheet was taped, but as soon as we attempted to lift it, everything unraveled, and the sheet fell to the muddy ground. Yes, the ground was soft and muddy, which made everything else harder. Finally, Mark found a ladder, and we were able to nail the sheet to the window frame. It ended up being like a scene right out of the Three Stooges. It took five of us about a half hour to get that sheet in place. We nearly forgot to take it down when we were leaving too. I could only imagine the cabin owners showing up and seeing a window totally blacked out. They’d probably have started wondering what type of movie we had been shooting.

Three Stooges Seal of Approval

11. Being on a tight budget, you have to become creative. I wish we had a more robust budget to use on props and effects, but that wasn’t the case for The Cabin. In the script, there is a scene that includes the main character finding the dead deer. Sure, we could have found stock footage of a deer to put in post. But what made more sense was grabbing one of the many, many deer heads off the wall and using it as practical effects. I grabbed one, which weighed next to nothing, and brought it outside to lay in the grass. It ended up working perfectly. Cody came around the corner of the cabin and spotted the dead deer, brilliantly shot by Mark. In the script, it is supposed to be all bloodied up, but that probably can be done in post-production. We just needed the one shot and then to get it back on the wall no worse for wear. My greatest fear was that I had hung it back up improperly and that it had somehow fallen off the wall and been destroyed. I figure if that had happened, the cabin owner would have called Mark, and at least as of this writing, I have heard nothing about damaged deer heads.

The one in the middle was used in the film.

12. After a long day of filming, you can get hungry. Sure, we had a lot of food that I got from Walmart; that was part of the budget after all. But finger foods like granola bars, donuts, bags of chips, and even peanut butter and jelly sandwiches don’t fill you up unless you eat a ton all at once. I had been picking at stuff when we had the chance, so by the time we called ‘cut’ to end the day, which was close to 9pm, I was starving. As I was in Mark’s car, being brought back to his house where my rental was, my wheels were turning as far as where I could go to grab something quick for dinner. I only knew a few places along my driving route back to the motel. One was a McDonald’s located maybe two minutes from the motel. I decided, why not? I was technically on vacation, right? Something exciting, but also troublesome for me, that I discovered was the fact that I could pay for my food through the app using Venmo. Not only was everything slightly cheaper than on Cape Cod, but now I could just click one button, and it was paid. I grew up in the analog age of the 1980s and 1990s. Most things I learned about now require fewer steps, which I don’t mind. I think if you grew up before technology took over, you appreciate the advances. If you are born into a world where everything is simple and convenient, you likely don’t appreciate it. I didn’t think about that much while enjoying my late-night dinner, though. All I could do was eat and hope that my adrenaline wore off soon enough so that I could get a relatively good night’s sleep before another full day of filming.

I became very familiar with this spot

Initial Impressions 2.0 Blog #138: The Cabin Movie Shoot - Day 1

1. This was my third day in rural North-Central Pennsylvania for the shooting of my feature film debut, The Cabin. It was also the first official day of filming. I had arrived during the late afternoon on Tuesday after driving 450 miles from Cape Cod. The next day was mostly spent laying low and exploring a little. By the time Thursday arrived, it was all systems go. Unlike a typical ‘vacation,’ I had to be awake and out the door as if I was going to work. Mark, the director, wanted all of the necessary cast to be at his house by 8:15am. For me, driving from Mansfield to Wellsboro, the next town over, took roughly 15 minutes. Luckily, it was pretty much a straight shot on Route 6. The drive ended up being a regular occurrence, so I got used to the amazing hills. You really could fly down some of the hills. I know I got up to over 60mph at times. I have no idea how people drive up them during the winter months. The hardest part for me, besides just waking up at 6:30am on my vacation, was fighting the urge to pull over and get photos of the beautiful countryside scenery. It was literally all around me. It was especially hard when I passed a beautiful fountain on the green near Mark’s house. It took me until my last day in Pennsylvania before I finally got my photos and videos of that location.


2. I arrived thinking I’d be late, but I was actually earlier than most. Those of us who were there exchanged some small talk. I might do a lot of public speaking for my books and record weekly podcasts, but still deep down I am an introvert. Initiating conversations is not my strong suit. This is exacerbated when I am surrounded by people I don’t know. Mark, I had met a few times, so I was at least comfortable around him, but most of the other cast was new to me. As the shoot went on, I got more comfortable with everyone, but that first day I spent a lot of time being quiet, listening, and speaking when spoken to.


3. This shoot was a full-circle life moment for me. When I was in high school, I spent my savings on a Sears camcorder. I wanted to be a filmmaker. In those days, though, it was a lot of very loosely developed skits that I performed with my friends. There were no scripts. It was ideas like I thought I was a dog, and my friends took advantage of that with hilarious results. As a writer, I am all about symbolism. My plan for the first day, and more specifically the first shot, of The Cabin was to have something that tied it back to those camcorder days of the 1990s. A few years ago I found the red flannel shirt I used to wear all of the time in high school. It still fit, and didn’t disintegrate when I washed it, so I brought it along. I did get a smirk or two when I put it on, as it was humid and in the 80s when we were filming, but I didn’t care. I didn’t even take a photo of myself in the shirt on the set. The moment was only for me to symbolize that I had not given up on that high school dream, and in a small way, I had done right by my teenage self. I sat on the stairs in my red flannel as Mark yelled ‘action’ to begin filming The Cabin. It was a simple scene of the lead character coming home. Cody, the actor who played Will (the lead character), walked through the front door and past the camera. Nothing explosive, but I made sure I was rolling with my own camera as this scene played out. It was a seminal moment in my life. I did, however, take the flannel off not too long after since it was still a hot and humid summer day.


4. Nature was everywhere in Pennsylvania, even in the backyards of a typical neighborhood. I mentioned in the last blog about the deer that enjoyed sleeping in Mark’s backyard. On this day it was time for the groundhogs to shine. I mean, it is the home state of Punxsutawney Phil, the world’s most famous groundhog, so of course they’d be everywhere. There was one that was hanging around a shed that we would end up using as another cabin for the film. I wanted a photo of it, and doing so through a window wasn’t going to do. I gently turned the back doorknob. It clicked ever so faintly. That was enough for the groundhog to scurry under the shed. Damn survival instincts kicking in. I eventually did get a photo of it, through a closed window.

It didn't want to stick around for a close-up.

5. The first morning of shooting was exclusively at Mark’s house. It was easy to have it double as the main character’s house. We took care of a lot of miscellaneous scenes that required me to do a lot of reading lines. Before leaving Cape Cod, I had recorded a series of scenes for the film with friends acting in the film. They’d all have been interacting with the main character, Will. Little did I realize while recording those scenes, where I did the lines Will would say, that I’d in turn have to do the same thing on the opposite side once I was in Pennsylvania. I had to read dozens of lines for Cody to keep time as Will. My voice started getting hoarse, which was pretty funny. I said to Mark after that there was a reality where we could layer my voice as Will speaking to my voice as each of the four characters that I recorded while on Cape Cod. I guess if our budget had been that small, it probably would have been close to that situation. Me as every character, just with different clothes and wigs. I found myself apologizing to Cody many times during the shoot for the long strands of dialogue he had to read. The joke I made was that The Cabin was just a remake of Cast Away, except instead of Wilson the volleyball, the sidekick was a pocket recorder. Cody really was 75% of the film, and he killed it in every scene he did.


6. The highlight of the first shooting day was our journey out to the Grand Canyon Regional Airport. It was a 10-minute drive from Mark’s house. We were lucky enough that a man who worked there was allowing us access to his Cessna plane for some scenes. It was a hot midday when we arrived. The scenery was amazing with the elevation. I was smart and put on some sunscreen, figuring that with my luck I’d get burned and then be miserable for the rest of the time there. We waited probably 15 minutes, wondering where our man was. We had knocked on doors and looked in windows, but it felt like we had been forgotten. Then, from a distance, we heard a motor. It got closer, and we spotted a red motorcycle. It pulled right up to us, and slowly the driver pulled his helmet off. It was a man in probably his mid-70s, definitely a surprise. His name was Skip, and he was the one who was gracious enough to allow us access to his plane. Not knowing how long we had, I was a madman, shooting as much video and photos as possible. I made sure to chat with Skip so that he could be included in the behind-the-scenes extras on the eventual DVD. It was another surreal moment as he pulled the Cessna out onto the airstrip and allowed us to begin shooting our scenes. I hung back and let Mark direct and Cody and Jeff act. It was weird at times because we were all there because of something I’d written, yet I’d often stay in the background and let the people with experience do their thing. Not everyone at the airport knew what was going on. Some guy in a pickup truck came barreling over to where Skip was standing and asked what was going on. They seemed to be fine with it, and we were allowed to keep filming, but momentarily there was a bit of panic as we thought we might have our time cut short. In all, everything went off without a hitch. We got all of the shots we needed. I got to get photographed inside the Cessna. There was even a plane that landed while we were there. I got that video and have sent it to Mark for possible inclusion in the film. We left the airport feeling enthused about the project, and it had only been a few hours of shooting. There was a lot of daylight left, though, and we had another location we needed to get to.

In between takes at the airport.

7. The Cabin is not Mark’s first rodeo. He has directed more than 100 films in his life, many of them shot around the Wellsboro and Mansfield areas of Pennsylvania. He knows where to go and what to look for as far as locations go. It was my first rodeo, but I was lucky to have Mark. I put my total trust in him as far as bringing much of my original vision for The Cabin to life. So when we left his house in the mid-afternoon to go shoot at Hills Creek State Park, I knew nothing of where we were going except that Mark said it was perfect. The spot he chose was the Beaverhut Boat Ramp, about a ten-minute drive from his house. Naturally, being a rural area of Pennsylvania anyway, this location was deserted. It was meant to be a stand-in for a secluded lake in Northern Canada, as was in the script. This was one of a few areas where the echoes when the actors would yell were mesmerizing. The sun was dancing in and out of thickening clouds, and I hoped that my sunscreen would hold on. It ended up being an eventful shooting location.

A perfect setting.

8. Cody, being the main character, was in nearly all of the scenes. With the film taking place over nearly two weeks, there were a bunch of wardrobe changes. We also tried to shoot all scenes in the same area at once, even if they took place on different days in the film. This meant that Cody had to change clothes repeatedly. At Mark’s house, or even later at the cabin, he had a clean and sanitary place to change. At Hills Creek, it was either change out in the open or hide out in a pretty putrid outhouse. I know how nasty it was because I had to use it at one point. I am sure it was checked on every now and then, but it felt like if I dropped anything on the ground in there, I’d have just left it behind rather than pick it up. It wasn’t as bad as some porta-potties I’ve seen in my life, but it was not a place I’d wanted to have needed to sit down in.


9. Just a friendly reminder, if you’re going to turn over something in the woods, be it a rock, log, or a canoe, be prepared that there might be something living underneath. For one scene in the movie, we needed Cody to act like he had just canoed across the lake. Luckily, there were a few overturned canoes on the shore. Unfortunately, the one that we chose had occupants. When Cody flipped it right side up, he immediately recoiled. Slithering around under the canoe was a pair of garter snakes. Now, honestly, these are small. The pair were probably only between 2 and 3 feet long. Cody doesn’t like snakes, so he was not happy. I, on the other hand, was practically falling over myself to get photos and videos. I knew they were harmless, and I didn’t intend to hurt them, so it was a win-win. In an interesting twist, one of the snakes had milky blue eyes. I thought maybe it was blind. After researching, I found out that it was because it was getting ready to shed its skin, and fluid builds up around the eyes to allow easier shedding. I didn’t try to pick the snakes up or anything. I have done that in the past to freak out other hikers. This time it was just filming them and being surprised that they stayed around the canoe despite there being a bunch of people around. Maybe they had eggs buried under there?

Ol' Blue Eyes

10. Our time at Hills Creek was almost finished when we got an unexpected guest. A few vehicles had passed by on the nearby road, but none had ventured into the parking lot. That was until a park ranger came rolling down in his white SUV. I knew enough to keep my mouth shut and let Mark do the talking. The guy was friendly and curious. He even said we didn’t have to tell him what we were doing. Mark was open about us shooting a movie. The ranger said he was new to the job but thought it would be wise to reach out to someone in charge to make sure it was okay. Mark said he would, but that was just to make the ranger feel like he’d done his job. When he mentioned that the film was a script I had written, the ranger started asking me questions about my work. I was surprised that I still had a few old business cards in my wallet. I gave him one, but as of this writing haven’t heard anything from him. The other funny part of this interaction was Mark explaining that we were going to be shooting much of the movie up at a remote cabin. He even gave the ranger the road it was on, inviting him to come on out and see. For the entire time we were at the cabin, a running joke we had was whether the ranger would end up showing up. He never did, unless it was long after we left. I mean, we didn’t say how long we’d be there. Sorry to him if he showed up later and the place was deserted.


11. It was getting close to 5pm on the first day of filming, but we still had another location to go to. This time it was the university in Mansfield where Mark worked. He was able to set up an abandoned laboratory to look like a hospital room. This was necessary for a few scenes near the end of the movie. The irony of this location was how close it was to the motel where I was staying. It was literally a 3-minute drive away. This would have been amazing for me when we wrapped shooting for the day, if not for the fact that we carpooled. After we got done, I had to be driven all the way back to Mark’s house to get my rental car and drive back basically to where I had just been. The scenes in the abandoned lab were fun. It was a battle finding outlets for the lighting, but everything seemed to work out for us during the shoot. As producer, I spent a lot of time managing the script. This meant that as the actors were going along, if they needed a line, I’d provide it. A lot of the shoot consisted of me asking Mark what I could do to help. This was all new to me, so I needed to be coached. For one scene, an actor, Michael, was playing an investigator. He had a lot of dialogue explaining some in-depth plot points. He had some trouble remembering all of the lines, which was understandable with how long the speech was. In order to put him at ease, we set me up in his line of sight with the script so he could just read the lines without it looking awkward on camera. This university location was another where I didn’t really have time to stop and soak it in. Luckily, I got a few shot videos of the laboratory, but those were interviews for the DVD extras.

A creepy vibe

12. When I am on road trips, one thing I enjoy is visiting stores that we don’t have near me on Cape Cod. I find them as exciting as attractions you’d find on TripAdvisor. I’ve already mentioned Sheetz. Another such place was Weis supermarket. There was one right on Route 6 on my drive back to Mansfield from Wellsboro. Needing something for breakfast the next morning, I stopped in. No, it wasn’t anything game-changing as far as a grocery store. I actually ended up stopping in a few times. Their flavored seltzers were good. I looked through their à la carte section, energy drinks, and barbecue sauces. Why the last one? Because many years ago my all-time favorite barbecue sauce, Cattlemen’s, was discontinued at every local store near me. I hold out hope that maybe some obscure market still carries it. Thus far, I haven’t found it anywhere. Now, to be honest, I can order it off Amazon, and I have several times. But I like the potential excitement of finding it in the wild. Much like with Sheetz, I got myself a few plastic bags with the store logo on them. Yes, I don’t spend loads of money on souvenirs; I just get plastic bags.

Yes it was an exciting visit

13. The first day of shooting ended with me returning to my home base motel well after 9pm. I had my Weis seltzer and stopped by McDonald’s, which was only a few minutes from where I was staying. No, it wasn’t the healthiest eating habits while on this movie shoot. Then again, it wasn’t the point. My entire reason for being in rural Pennsylvania was to film The Cabin. It wasn’t to hike, or run, or sightsee; it was for the movie. It kind of took the pressure off me as far as extracurriculars went. I didn’t have to feel bad about eating terrible, or needing energy drinks to get me in gear early in the morning. None of that mattered. If I ended the day feeling good about the work we all got done, then the day was a success. I could always amp up my diet and exercise heading into the fall. I wasn’t always going to have an opportunity to produce a feature film based on a story I wrote.

Initial Impressions 2.0 Blog #137: The Cabin Prologue

1. For weeks leading up to my departure from Cape Cod to go produce my feature film, The Cabin, everything was smooth. The fundraiser went off without a hitch; I got my hotel, rented a car, and we hired the whole crew. In my mind, this was the next natural progression in my creative journey. The last five years have been one long road of continued growth. It’s funny how, despite all of the things I just mentioned, the old insecurities came creeping up the day before I was to head out. It was like the Imposter Syndrome and the little negative voice in my head decided to make themselves known. When I woke up on Monday, I felt this tension and these nerves that hadn’t been there even the night before. It was as if the reality of the situation finally stepped to the front. The voice was asking me if I knew what I was getting myself into. It asked who I thought I was, trying to do something new and challenging. It tried telling me that I would be found out and this project would fail. I have had to battle these demons of self-worth and self-confidence for way too long, and this is no different. I have been told every step of the way that the script I wrote is good. We have everything set up to make the best film we can. I have the funds, the place to stay, the car, the time, and yet despite all of that, the voice still came calling. I had to take a step back and reassure myself that I deserve this opportunity based on all of the hard work and sacrifices I’ve made throughout the years. It’s almost as if the closer I get to this new, exciting opportunity, the harder those old thoughts push back. Only when I open that door and step through will those voices shut up. They won’t do it on their own. I have to make them by believing in myself.


2. To time things right, I had to put off doing my laundry until the day before I left for Pennsylvania. I wanted to make sure I had all of the clean clothing possible for the movie shoot. No need to stop at some dollar store and buy shirts made of recycled paper. This meant that those extra days without doing laundry saw me wearing clothes I haven’t taken out of the closet in a long time. Thankfully, I do have enough that I didn’t run out. I suppose there are some guys who have enough outfits to last a handful of days, and if anything goes wrong, they’re stuck wearing an old T-shirt they’ve been using as an oil rag for years. The only downside to waiting to do laundry was the sheer size of the load. The laundromat I go to doesn’t have a good spin cycle to rinse the excess water out of the clothing. This means when I take them out of the washer, they weigh a ton, sopping wet. You do get a workout having to carry the basket. In total, to get that load of laundry done and fully dried, it took about 2 ½ hours. Lucky for me, all I had to do on that day was wash clothes and pack. If I had made any plans, they would have needed to be postponed. Telling someone you can’t meet them because you’re doing laundry sounds like a lame excuse because you don’t really want to see them. Next time I do a huge load like that, I’ll have to weigh it to see just how much of a workout I get when carrying it.


3. Once everything was packed and ready for the long drive out to Pennsylvania, the last thing on my list of things to do on Cape Cod was checking for a few things for the trip and the shoot itself. This meant going to Dollar Tree and Ocean State Job Lot. Hey, I’m not looking to gash the movie budget by getting expensive items. Mark, the film director, asked me to look for cheap clothes we could ruin for the film as well as some LED lights for a few scenes. As is typically the case when I go to these stores, I wandered around looking for any deals I didn’t know I needed. I got a cheap T-shirt for shredding but found myself interested in some of the other clothes. I literally just mentioned above that I didn’t want to get such clothing for my regular wardrobe, and yet here I was on the edge. I will say that teenage me would have scoffed at shopping at Job Lot, or as my Nana used to call it, ‘Odd Lot.’ Now, I find the savings more appealing than caring what some rando might think of whatever I get. I got a cool travel bag for toothpaste and things of the like. The piece de résistance, though, was buying unknown-brand energy shots at both Job Lot and Dollar Tree. They would no doubt come in handy on the long drive out. Eventually I had to remind myself that I could always come back again once the movie was done being filmed.


4. The anxiety was in full-court press Tuesday morning as I got ready to leave for Pennsylvania. Despite checking repeatedly, I still believed that I was missing something when packing. I finally had to accept that everything was good and leave. I was a little early when I got to my mom’s. It was there that I was leaving my car for the week. Leaving it at the airport wasn’t as bad as I’d expected, something like $80 for the week, but $0 is way better. It’s a good thing I was early too because it took a few minutes at the airport to figure out where to go to get my rental car. My sister Ashley, who drove me to the airport, had to circle the parking lot a few times while we figured out the protocol. Eventually she parked in front of the main terminal of the Hyannis Airport while I ran in to check. I was renting through Budget but got rerouted to Avis. The terminal was empty, as I guess not too many people are arriving or departing from Cape Cod on a Tuesday morning in September. The actual process of getting the car was easy and took a few minutes. I had wondered how many people went to the airport to rent a car but didn’t come in via plane. Surely I can’t be the only one. Oh well, they didn’t ask any questions, so I wasn’t sharing any info. Shortly after, Ashley was helping me toss my luggage into the backseat of a pretty sweet Honda Accord. Of course, it began to rain once I was ready to drive, but we’ll get to that in a moment. I was very grateful that my sister took time from her day to drop me at the airport. The money I saved alone on parking and an Uber probably covered the gas and tolls on the trips out and back.

This was what it looked like, except mine was gray.

5. Speaking of tolls. Because this was a new adventure, I wanted to try a few new things. I’d never rented a car for a trip, so driving a pretty new one with a touchscreen display was an immediate luxury. I also wanted to try a different navigation app, so I went old school with MapQuest. It all seemed fine at first. You get to pick out an avatar to move across the map while you drive. I picked someone who looked like he was from Lord of the Rings. I just kept calling him Gandalf. It was my choice to keep the toll option turned on while driving. It was already 450 miles, and I figured that was the fastest, so I could spend a little money on tolls to speed things up. What I didn’t expect was MapQuest not only bringing me to the toll road, the Mass Pike, which was expected, but also taking me off and back onto it. It was like they saw the toll option on the app and wanted to see how much they could rack up for me. I yelled that Gandalf was screwing me over, which wouldn’t have made any sense out of context. I had no clue what my toll bill would be. They do everything by license plate now, and you get a bill sent. That leads to another issue you may have guessed. It’s not my car, so it will be the rental company getting the toll bill. I am sure they will just use my card to pay for it, as I would expect. I do wonder if I can get a receipt so I can see just how much I paid. Oh, and I got rid of MapQuest and went to an old reliable in Waze. That whole getting me on and off the Pike twice was weird. I plan on keeping the toll option off for the drive home as well.


6. I have driven in all of the bad weather. Rain, snow, storms, wind, so when the weather report said some rain along my driving route, I was prepared. What I wasn’t prepared for was a near-death experience. For a while, going through Western Massachusetts, the rain was basic showers, nothing to be too concerned about. Then as I crossed into New York, it changed. Showers became sheets of rain. It was like a whiteout to the point where my windshield wipers were almost useless. The final straw for me came when I came up on a ramp after stopping at a rest area. I was merging, but the rain was so dense I could hardly see the semi truck barreling down. I was in the middle and didn’t know whether to slam on the brakes or gun it. I gunned it, and that truck was coming up fast. All I thought was, ‘man I should have gotten the insurance on the rental.’ I was sure the truck was going to knock me into the guardrail. Luckily, I sped up enough, and the truck driver was able to get into the other lane, so a tragedy was averted. That incident convinced me to pull over and wait out the heaviest rain. My thoughts of arriving in Pennsylvania early went out the window. But hey, I arrived alive, which I think is more important than arriving early. The rain ended up staying moderate much of the way, only really stopping when I was within an hour of my destination. Naturally, as soon as I parked at the motel, the first sound I heard when stepping out was a loud boom of thunder.


7. To answer a question I asked after a 450-mile drive in one day, yes, you can get symptoms similar to jet lag when driving. It’s known as travel fatigue, but oh boy did I have a bad case of it upon arriving. Driving that far, stopping only 3 times, and having to white-knuckle miles of road due to serious rain left my brain resembling a fried egg when I got to my motel room. I texted my mom at first so she wouldn’t worry. Then I texted Mark, the director of The Cabin, so he knew I arrived. He wanted to meet up and start going over logistics of the shoot. My brain was trying to escape through my ears by this point, but I mean, I was in PA for the movie, not a vacation. I was hungry and a bit dehydrated, so trying to listen and formulate thoughts was tough, but I did my best. It was mostly catching up, going over the shoot dates, and planning some of the smaller minutiae that might fall through the cracks. Lucky for me, the following day was basically the one ‘vacation’ day I’d have. We didn’t have plans to do anything related to the movie until later in the afternoon. This gave me plenty of time to hydrate and relax. I don’t know for sure, but I think that it was the most I had driven in one day since I drove to Florida in 2005. On that trip, I got into Southern Virginia in one day from Cape Cod, which I think is over 600 miles. I was so hell-bent on beating the time that MapQuest had said for my arrival and was way ahead until the rain hit. Now I am gleefully anticipating the drive back home, part of which will be at night, and I am sure full of jet lag the next day. Oh wait, sorry, travel fatigue.


8. Travel fatigue made the choice of what to do for dinner much harder. My brain didn’t want to form coherent thoughts, so I did a lot of staring at local maps and various restaurant websites. In order to get the blood flowing again, I needed to just get moving. A half-mile away was a Sheetz, which is a convenience store chain in the Northeast. I decided to walk down there, which allowed me a cool view of Lamb’s Creek. There are more than 800 Sheetz locations, but none in New England, so when I am out in their neck of the woods, I stop in. It’s the same thing with Wawa. Not sure why, but visiting stores I can’t regularly see on Cape Cod is thrilling to me. Their claim to fame is having an actual cooking line there to make food. This isn’t like reheating pizza slices or microwaving egg sandwiches. No, this is an actual line with people working. I say all of that and didn’t order anything. I grabbed typical things, drinks and snacks. I did make sure to get enough stuff that they had to give me a plastic bag with their logo. Yes, they had branded merch in the store, but that costs money. It’s far easier to have them give me a bag that I can keep and eventually forget where I got it from. I am sure before I leave, I will be back to Sheetz. I saw a few brands of things I want to try. Yay, visiting a convenience store is exciting to me now. Man, I’m old.

9. My mind was set on having Chinese food the night I arrived in Mansfield. There were two places close by; it was just a matter of deciding which one. Mark made sure to let me know that the one located a block away, Lucky Star, was the better one. By this point it was dark out, but I had only had a protein shake during my 450-mile drive, so I needed to eat before I crashed out. Rather than drive literally 500 feet, I again just walked. No, I didn’t have PTSD from driving in the rain; these places are literally within walking distance. Mansfield is a college town. A very small college town with a population of under 3,000, but it is a college town nonetheless. So it has a walkable Main Street with lots of stores clustered together. When I went down to order my food, the streets had a charm to them. There were string lights on either side, and even though it was now September, there were still families and groups of friends out walking. I felt right at home. Two things about Lucky Star: their food was great, and the price was lower than similar places on Cape Cod. It was a win-win. I got sesame chicken and also a take-out menu as a souvenir. The portion size was also amazing. Lifting the bag was like a mini workout. I will say that the travel fatigue was a killer. I was eating and expecting to immediately feel 100%, but I was just a puddle. I was able to eat and stayed up until maybe 10:30pm, but my body was desperate for sleep. I was so tired that the bed, which was a little too firm for me, didn’t hold me back. I crashed and enjoyed the one day of being able to ‘sleep in.’ The rest of the week would be earlier wake-ups and longer days than a typical workday on Cape Cod.




10. The rain continued into the next morning. In fact, it was more heavy thunderstorms. My plan of walking a nearby bike trail went up in smoke. I used that extra time to go to the closest Walmart and gather supplies for the crew that Mark had laid out. This Walmart was a big one. It was made more impressive by the rolling hills surrounding it. As I walked toward the entrance, a huge bolt of lightning streaked across the sky, followed by a crackling roar of thunder. A guy walking out asked loudly, ‘Who angered Zeus?’ That was pretty funny. Inside, it was a typical Walmart, although larger and cleaner than most I’ve seen. The people, though, fit right in with what you think of as Walmart folk. Not all, mind you; most of them were just ordinary people, but you had a good group of stereotypical odd folks wandering the aisles. I think it was the most I’ve ever bought at Walmart with food and drinks for the next shooting day or two. I went to self-checkout because, of course. A woman was working there, or more like watching me check out. I don’t know if she ever even looked at me while I was there. When I rolled the cart away, there wasn’t even a sound. I guess she’d have noticed if I stole anything, so why bother to interact with customers?


11. An interesting, and probably fitting, thing I’ve noticed since I started my journey off Cape Cod. The sights and music remind me of people from my life. It’s like I have been driving through previous chapters of my life as I am on this road to a new chapter. There were tons of moments like that on my drive up to Pennsylvania. Passing places that somehow sparked memories of old friends or family. Sure, I was playing my music on the drive, but it still seemed to capture the right emotions of this journey. It culminated while I was in Walmart. My favorite Grateful Dead song, Eyes of the World, came on. It’s an 18-minute jam, and a fairly odd choice to play at a Walmart. But it reminded me of an old friend, Dan, who I worked with for years cooking. He was a writer, and he pushed me to be a better writer, mostly to stop his trash talk. That never would work. That really put the icing on the cake for the symbolism part of this trip. I am fulfilling a dream, shedding parts of my old self, and also trying not to lose the essence of who I am. It’s having one foot in the future while keeping one eye on the past. I wanted to make sure I noted this phenomenon before I forgot about it in a sea of filming days.




12. As soon as the rain stopped, I was itching to get outside. I went to a nearby ‘bike and hike’ trail. One thing I noticed was how it immediately got insanely humid as soon as it wasn’t raining. It was still cloudy and maybe 75, but I was sweating pretty good after only about fifteen minutes. In total, on the trail, I walked a mile. There were more spiders than people. I did manage to spot a cute brown cat but only got a fleeting glimpse of it. I think it lived in a house right off the trail. The big thing I wanted to explore was an abandoned old bridge that crosses the Tioga River, which the trail runs along. I wasn’t desperate enough to walk the 2.5 miles in each direction, though. Nope, I drove out to where it was to hike down. Seriously, it was in the middle of nowhere. I passed vultures and crows eating a dead deer. There is an overgrown road leading down to the bridge. It’s now referred to as the Graffiti Bridge and has been closed since the mid-1970s. It is obviously covered in graffiti, which is where the name came from. I was hoping to see a live deer along the riverbanks, but sadly only that poor dead one along the road. The walk was totally worth it, and I got tons of photos and videos of it. I briefly thought of not walking onto it but figured if I didn’t I’d regret it the instant I got back to Cape Cod. It was very peaceful and way less creepy than expected based on the photos.




13. We unofficially got down to business around 4pm on Wednesday. Mark came and picked me up from the motel, and we went to his house located in the next town over. The plan was to start formulating a plan for the movie shoot while awaiting the arrival of the rest of the cast. I quickly made friends with Mark’s dog named Django. He was very old and had limited mobility. Mark even said that this past spring his family thought they were going to have to put him down. But he was there, still kicking. For me, filming a movie was all brand new, so I made sure to sit under Mark’s learning tree and ask loads of questions. One thing that hammered home that I wasn’t on Cape Cod anymore was the wildlife. To save money on the budget, we planned on using a beautiful larger shed in Mark’s backyard to stand in for a location in the film. So I am looking out of the back door and thinking about whether deer ever come through the yard. As if he were psychic, Mark mentioned that he gets a lot of deer in the yard. I laughed and then jumped back when I spotted a lone deer walking out from behind that shed. I don’t think the deer is psychic, but stranger things have happened.


14. Dinner was an event. I went with Mark. We picked up his son Anthony, who lives a few minutes away. The plan was to go meet a few others from the cast who had arrived and were staying in another hotel in Wellsboro. As we all got acquainted, or reacquainted, in the parking lot, we decided to go eat at Pizza Hut. It was convenient because it was literally a block away. For a moment, I thought Mark had said ‘Frog Hut,’ which got me intrigued because it was a place that, when looking for food on this trip, looked interesting. It was right across the street from Pizza Hut, so from our table I could see it. I hadn’t eaten at Pizza Hut since I was in high school, so it was very full-circle on this trip. There were six of us at a big table; the rest of the restaurant was empty when we got there around 5pm. The server was really friendly, and we all ordered. Then the positive coincidences continued. Someone ordered a pepperoni pizza. That’s not the coincidence. No, the server came out with a large pepperoni pizza that someone had made by mistake, and she asked if we wanted it for free. Well, you can guess what we said. There we are with all of our meals plus a free large pizza. It ended up becoming part of the food for the film crew the next day. As we laughed and told stories, the server came back and said they had made a mistake with someone’s food. She brought the mistake out, and the person who ordered took it, but then she also said they were remaking it. In the end, we got two free items. It was as if they knew we were making a movie and they wanted a positive write-up in my blog. In reality, it was one cook who made mistakes. He actually came out and apologized. We were all fine with it since it resulted in free food.

The Frog Hut

15. The Cabin wasn’t just the title of the film. It was also the largest shooting location. In order to have the film appear as isolated as it needed to be, Mark found a cabin in the middle of nowhere. I don’t use that phrase lightly. To get to it, we had to drive 25 miles north, near the New York border, to a very small and very rural town called Osceola. When I say ‘rural’ I mean like sparse houses, and of the ones you’d see, half of them looked like the people would shoot you and turn you into a skin suit if you put a toe on their property. It was one-part terrifying and one-part exhilarating. The cabin itself is owned by hunters, and oh boy could you tell. There had to have been more than 20 stuffed deer heads and deer skulls, all over the walls and on various tables. There were also stuffed squirrels, a turkey, a black bear, and probably other animals scattered about. Our job on that first trip out was to clean it enough to make it camera-ready. This meant some sweeping, covering up objects that didn’t fit with the movie’s theme, and blocking areas to fit upcoming scenes. Blocking just means getting the scenery set, like moving a bed back so we could get a clear shot of the bed where the main character in the film is supposed to be sleeping. It probably took us longer to drive out to the cabin than we were there cleaning. It was a mix of rustic, modern, confusing, and horrifying. It would prove to be home for us all for the entirety of two days of the movie shoot.

What the buck is going on?

16. We ended up making that long and lonely drive out to this cabin three times. The first time was the most memorable. It was around 6:30pm as we got deeper into the drive. I kept hoping I’d see a deer, or even a bear. What I got was lightning, and lots of it. When the rain had stopped that morning, the humidity began building. By the time dusk rolled around, it was in the mid-80s. As Mark explained it, heat lightning was a common occurrence in that area due to a similar weather pattern. On the drive out, as the sun sank behind the surrounding hills, I became fascinated with the lightning. I shot video and photos trying to get bolts of lightning. This lightning never let up. It was literally like 15-20 flashes per minute for probably three hours. That is not a stretch. It was amazing. As we got near the end of cleaning the cabin, I again wanted some lightning photos. Behind the cabin is a pathway that leads to a big clearing up a hill. There was a birdhouse on a high pole, and I thought a photo of the lightning behind the birdhouse would be money. None of the photos captured the lightning bolts. It was around this time that all of our phones got the emergency alert: tornado warning. Here we were in the middle of nowhere as it got dark, and now there was the potential for tornadoes. I turned my back to the lightning and shot a video of me explaining what we were doing and the tornado warning. All the while, the pink sky behind me was exploding with lightning flashes. It ended up being one of the best, and most surreal, experiences of my life. Once we had cleaned the cabin to Mark’s satisfaction, it was time to leave. We drove the dirt road out as the lightning made the sky look like a movie special effect. If I didn’t have the videos, I wouldn’t have believed it. There didn’t end up being any tornadoes. We also didn’t see any weird people out there, at least on that first day. The first day of the movie shoot came next, and we all had to make sure to be at Mark’s house by 8:15am. Luckily, the first scenes to be shot were inside his house, so it was shaping up to be a good way to ease us into filming The Cabin.

Initial Impressions 2.0 Blog #136: Expensive Soup, Goodbye Dolly, Finally Caught, etc.

1. I have heard of things being marked down in a store, but this one takes the cake. While in a supermarket, I was looking for soup to have with dinner. Of course there are loads of ‘New Low Price’ stickers everywhere. They don’t mention that first they had to jack the costs up a ton, so the low prices are still probably above where they should be. Anyway, I noticed one particular markdown that caught my eye. It was a Campbell’s soup, now marked at $3.99. The old price? $21.99. For soup? Unless it’s made with fresh lobster mixed with real gold, I couldn’t imagine any soup being that expensive. Honestly, I think it was a mistake, but still I had to grab a photo of it so nobody would think I was telling tall tales. You know, like seeing a three-foot garter snake but telling everyone it was a fifteen-foot boa constrictor? Not that I’ve ever told anyone that.

That's some markdown

2. Sometimes workouts wipe you out, and you know it immediately. Sometimes they are sneaky and leave you a puddle after you’re done. This week I had a shorter day at work. Since there literally is a gym attached to the office where I train people, I figured why not just use that instead of driving somewhere else. When I exercise at my work gym, it typically ends up being option overload. I have unobstructed access to almost anything I could want for training. This time it was lots of kettlebells, BOSU, cable machine, and such. I worked every major muscle and even threw in some HIIT cardio while I was at it. Good job for thirty minutes. I got done and had barely broken a sweat, so I figured I hadn’t gone as hard as I did. The joke was on me; before I had even gotten into my car, my body felt like it was turning to dust. All I wanted to do was go home and collapse in a heap on the floor, but I had to stop at the store. If I could have lain on the floor and slept, I would have. The best workouts are when you feel you didn’t do enough but in reality did more than enough. I’m sure some of you are saying the best workouts are none at all. That is a perfectly fine choice as well.


3. One of the banes of my existence during the warmer months is woodpeckers. I am kidding; it’s not that bad, but they do become annoying. Obviously, if you just look at their name, you know this bird loves to peck at wood. Every year they return and choose the areas on the other side of my walls to hammer away at. What do you do to stop them? I’ll bang on the other side of the wall to scare them off, but what if they don’t get scared? I was hitting the wall, and the dang woodpecker just kept going. There was only so hard I was going to pound on the wall. I could just imagine me putting a hole in the wall trying to scare a bird. I mean, how do you explain that to someone? If you say you were trying to scare away woodpeckers, they might just call the nuthouse to come and get you. You’d almost be better off saying it was roid rage or something like that. In the end, the woodpecker got tired of annoying me, I guess, and went away. The only thing worse than a woodpecker attacking the walls is when they do the same thing to the gutters. Then it goes from a dull thud to a jackhammer that never ceases to give me a mini heart attack when it happens.

It was one of these that was the culprit.

4. Live your life in a way that, when you pass, hundreds of millions of people feel like they have lost a loved one. That is the sentiment I get when looking around social media after the death of music icon and humanitarian icon Dolly Parton at the age of 80 this week. She is someone whose music touched generations, but whose contributions to society in general touched so many more. She made life better for countless people whom she never met. I have been reading dozens of stories from celebrities and ordinary people about their interactions and connections to Dolly. I am preparing a blog post to go more in depth, but I will quickly summarize mine. When dealing with a crisis of confidence or uncertainty about where I am going in my life, I look for inspiration and direction. I tend to look toward not just people who have been successful, but people who have been successful and, on top of that, a good person. Numerous Dolly Parton quotes have made the rounds in my life during the last several years. The biggest one in particular is her quote: “If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving another one.” I felt that, as I have always felt like there was something beyond just a (no pun intended) 9-to-5 job. I have been trying to create my own path for years, and that quote reassures me each time I read it. I think there are very few people who were as universally loved and admired as Dolly Parton. Her death, even though she was 80, has stunned the world. But I circle back to the top. I feel like I am part of the largest group of mourners ever. Hundreds of millions of us feel like we lost someone special even though the vast majority of us never met her or even saw her in real life. There will never be another like Dolly Parton. Rest in peace to the Queen of Country. We will always love you.



5. I want to piggyback on that last entry. There are many celebrities, in particular musicians, who have inspired me with their work. Sadly, when you’re working on creating your own path, you sometimes forget to give thanks to those who inspire you to carry on. Such as it was with Dolly Parton. It was like after hearing of her death, I remembered all of the times that I read quotes of hers that seemed to bring clarity to my mind. I should have put it out in the universe, even if it was a social media post that she’d never see. Yes, celebrities don’t need the validation; after all, they have already made it. However, I would know that they lent a hand in my journey even if they never did. This is going to be a kind of catch-all, thank-you purge while it is fresh in my mind, as I don’t want to have a posthumous thank you as I just did for Dolly Parton. Whether working on a creative project or simply looking for answers in a sometimes overwhelming life, these are the artists whose music I have leaned on the most in those times. Thank you so much to: Stevie Wonder, Stevie Nicks, Norah Jones, Dave Grohl, Elton John, Phil Collins, Thom Yorke, Glen Phillips, Bono, Michael Stipe, Sade, and probably more, but those are the people whose words and music have spoken to me above all others. There are certainly more who have since passed on, but I wanted to thank these people while I still have the chance.


6. My life at times feels like two totally different films smashed together. No matter if they make sense, they are jammed into one hybrid. I feel like I am, on one hand, a health-conscious, wise, confident, and driven person. Then on the other hand, I am a self-loathing, terrified person bound to bits of self-destructive behavior. One day this week, it crystallized in a series of events that saw me ping-pong back and forth from fitness to fatness. I began at my day job as a personal trainer. As the day drew to a close, I was hungry and decided that going for a run was not going to happen. I wanted to eat, preferably something bad. That came in the form of a large pepperoni pizza. Oh, don’t get me wrong, it tasted great, but it left me feeling angry, knowing the amount of exercise I’d have to do to burn off what I’d just eaten. A few hours later, I was doing some writing work and felt the urge to go for a walk. So after eating a large pizza I proceeded to go and walk nearly 5 ½ miles on a perfect summer afternoon. I burned over 700 calories. Finally, the day swung totally in the opposite direction again. I got hungry after the walk and couldn’t decide what to have for dinner. My mind was set on cereal. So I went and got a box of cereal to have for dinner. Not a bowl, the whole box. It is wild when I write it down to think about how I swung in such opposing ways in the same day. I was a personal trainer and went for a long walk, burning lots of calories. Yet on the same day I ate a large pizza and a box of cereal. So yes, my life feels like it can be a pair of diametrically opposed films that are crashing into each other. It’s sort of like when you mix two perfect colors of Play-Doh, and it makes some weird color. The weirdest thing is that I kind of enjoy almost having the best of both worlds. I do heavy bouts of exercise when I want to and don’t deprive myself of the foods I like, even if they are way less than healthy.


7. The latest episode of being the fun uncle. I went to my mom’s to visit, and my 7-year-old niece Sylvie was there. We had fun with stuffed animals playing around. Sylvie had this spray-on, leave-in conditioner, and she started spraying the animals and combing their fur. Naturally, she wanted to style my hair by spraying the conditioner in it. The only issue is that I have less than an inch of hair on my head. I don’t need much conditioner. She also grabbed a pen and said she might be able to color in my gray hairs, but that didn’t work. To say I ended up with a lot of that conditioner in my hair would be a huge understatement. I’d say conservatively Sylvie sprayed the bottle 20 times on my head. It was plastered down with it. I left it in the whole time she was there, but once she had gone home, I went straight to the bathroom to try to wash it out. Despite soaking my head with water, I could still feel it hanging on. I guess that makes it a good conditioner. It took a full, hot shower to finally remove all of the conditioner. I did make the mistake of telling Sylvie that in the winter I will have a lot more hair. That means the odds of a follow-up featuring the conditioner are likely, but with even more to slick my hair down.

This is the stuff she used, I'm impressed I found it.

8. I know we were all kids once. I know most of us did dangerous and reckless things when we were kids. I’m assuming that those who are Gen-X like have way more stories and battle scars than a lot of the younger people do. I preface this next story by saying all of this so that I can then say that kids have to be smarter. I was leaving the supermarket one evening this week. I took a back road behind the plaza and through a neighborhood because in the summer it’s way easier than trying to navigate Route 28 (our busiest street on Cape Cod). On this occasion, I was going slow to a stop sign and preparing to turn right down another road. I would say 99 out of 100 times when I hit that intersection, there is nobody anywhere. No cars, no people, just a wide open road. However, I also never assume, so I stopped and waited a moment. Good thing I did. Without warning, and from an area completely shielded by bushes, a kid on a motorized scooter came flying around the corner. He doesn’t stop, doesn’t look, just flies right in front of my car. I had no idea that he was there until he flew in front of my car. It was a total blind spot. I am so grateful that I was taking my time because if I had started driving a second or two earlier, I could have hit that kid. I can only assume he goes down that route and never sees a car. I also remember, as a teenager, you feel you’re invincible until something comes along to slap you in the face. I shouted a few words at his stunned face and then went on my way. I am glad I didn’t end up being his wake-up call to be more careful, or something worse.


9. This week I finished the series Glitch on Netflix. It was another in my run of sci-fi, supernatural, suspenseful shows. Yes, I guess I have a type. The series is from Australia and has 18 episodes, which are divided into 3 seasons. The gist of it is a group of people returns from the dead, literally crawling out of their graves. The show is then trying to figure out why they came back looking normal and healthy, and also the ramifications of their return. I won’t spoil anything but will say it actually has a happy ending despite it being totally different than what I expected. One thing totally unrelated to the plot of the show has to do with the recent trend on streaming platforms of original shows having incredibly small numbers of episodes counting as a ‘season.’ 6 episodes is a season? Even 8-10 is weak. I guess growing up in the 1980s and 1990s, when TV shows had 20 or so episodes in a season, I have been spoiled. Attention spans and commitment levels are a lot shorter in the 2020s. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t matter much when you’re binging a show that has already run its course, but I have a few shows that are still currently going, and having to wait a year or more for another handful of episodes is pretty lame. I’ll still do it, but yes, I will complain about it along the way.

10. Well, it only took 9 months, but Netflix finally realized I was getting all of their shows ad-free when my subscription was the low tier with ads. I had wondered if they would ever catch on. I mean, I certainly wasn’t going to write to a multi-billion dollar corporation and tell them I was getting a higher tier than what I was paying for. In December, when I got Netflix back, I noticed after a few days I hadn’t seen one ad during my time on the platform. Weeks turned to months, and I almost started taking it for granted, expecting that they might have forgotten about me. This week I was watching something when all of a sudden an ad popped up. Then, maybe ten minutes into the show, a full-on ad break came on. I was sad for a moment, but hey, I had a good run with ad-free Netflix. Besides, I grew up in the times when you couldn’t skip commercials; they were just part of the experience. I guess if I was a kid who had only known streaming, I might be upset. I’m old, though; I can deal with a few ads with my shows. It’s just like the 90s all over again. Well, except my knee doesn’t get sore because of playing sports; it gets sore because it’s Tuesday.


11. As things ramp up for going on location to film The Cabin next week, I have gotten to enjoy recording some scenes with friends that I cast in the movie. First, it cuts down on the search for people to play the roles. Second, it allows me to thank them by giving them roles in the film. Two scenes were audio-only, as they will be telephone calls in the film. A third was a fake Zoom call. The audio scenes went pretty seamlessly. In the end, I decided that it might be better to do the fake Zoom call in person, just in case anything went wrong. Boy, I was lucky I did. There were a few minor mishaps when it came to lighting and sound that would have been harder to try to solve from the other end of a computer. Plus, if you’re on Zoom, you only get something like 45 minutes of video time before it shuts down. I could have just imagined needing to spend most of that time fixing technical issues only to have Zoom kick us off as we finally got going. In the end, we got it all to work and got the scenes shot. It was the final thing I could do on Cape Cod for the film before heading off on location in a few days.

Goodbye Dolly

Live your life in a way that, when you pass, hundreds of millions of people feel like they have lost a loved one. That is the sentiment I felt while scrolling social media after the death of music icon and humanitarian icon Dolly Parton at age 80 this week.

Her music touched generations, but her contributions to society touched so many more. She made life better for countless people whom she never met. I have been reading dozens of stories from celebrities and ordinary people about their interactions and connections to Dolly.

Anything I could write about her life and career could easily be found by doing a quick Google search. I won’t waste time telling you things you could easily find yourselves. I never met her. I don’t have any stories of interacting with her. However, one thing I can do is explain why she had meaning to me in my life.

At the root, it’s actually quite simple. Dolly Parton reminded me of my Nina, and vice versa. They both were tiny, smart, beautiful, full of fire, and owners of a lot of blonde hair that may or may not have been theirs.

When I was a kid in the 1980s, my Nina felt to me like she was a mix of a whole lot of Dolly and a large dash of Tina Turner. No, she wasn’t a celebrity. She did run the first all-women’s fitness center on Cape Cod, and she was a great jazz singer, along with my Grampa, but not famous. Above all else, she was a genuinely loving and caring person who made you feel like you mattered when you were around her. That, I believe, is how Dolly made people feel.

There were times throughout my life when I felt like in some alternate timeline Dolly Parton was my Nina and my Nina was a world-famous entertainer. My Nina definitely could command a room, and Dolly had said that because she couldn't have children, she was 'everybody's mother.' So maybe I wasn't too far off.

It’s interesting. I have never shared that story or those thoughts ever. I’m not sure why. Maybe it sounded weird to compare my grandmother, who I knew, to celebrities I likely would never meet. Maybe I was afraid of being mocked or ridiculed. Not by my family, mind you; I am sure my Nina would have found it flattering. I mean, after all, I was comparing her to two titans of the entertainment world. Still, I kept that little anecdote locked away until now.

To sum it up, in a small way, losing Dolly Parton felt like losing my Nina again.

My Nina and Dolly Parton at roughly the same age, around 40.

My introduction to Dolly was through her seminal film 9 to 5. It was released in 1980, when I was three years old. I didn’t see it then, but it was on rotation on cable during the mid 1980s. Having a young mother and three sisters meant that I was dealt a heavy dose of female-led movies. 9 to 5 was one among many, including Dirty Dancing and Mannequin.

I can remember seeing Dolly in 9 to 5 and being amazed at how much she reminded me of my Nina. Granted, I was probably seven or eight, but that young perception became reality.

As I grew up, I learned of how important and accomplished she was almost by accident. When I heard Whitney Houston sing ‘I Will Always Love You,’ I learned that Dolly Parton wrote it. When I heard this really great Hawaiian jam called ‘Islands In the Stream’ by a group called Ten Feet, I learned that Dolly Parton sang the original with Kenny Rogers.

Later on in adulthood, I learned of her enormous impact outside of music. I was battling depression and questions of self-esteem and self-worth throughout my twenties. This is where I began to seek out inspirational quotes and just general quotes about life and healing.

When you feel lost, confused, maybe a bit worthless, you look for something, anything, to provide a little clarity. I didn’t look to just anybody. I looked for words of wisdom from people who not only succeeded, but did it as genuinely good people.

This is where Dolly Parton played her second important role in my life. She provided comfort and familiarity since I saw her in some ways as a stand-in for my Nina as a child. Then, as an adult, her words provided light in dark times.

Sure, there were other people whose quotes helped to part the dark clouds around my mind, but Dolly was as important as any of them. I am certain that there are so many others like me who were shown care without her even realizing it.

Dolly left such a wide range of gifts to the world that I think it would be hard not to be moved or inspired by something she did. Her skill as a musician, a lyricist, a singer, and an overall presence likely was enough. Her philanthropy, at the very least, equaled her musical prowess.

For me, there are a few of Dolly’s quotes that remain important in my life. I mentioned earlier battling depression off and on throughout my adulthood. I also have been on a creative journey for decades.

I wanted to be a writer from the time I was eight. I wanted to be a filmmaker starting in high school, even purchasing a big, bulky Sears camcorder in 1994. I always felt my path didn’t involve a (no pun intended) nine-to-five job. I always wanted, no needed, to be something more than that.

Maybe that goes back to the self-worth and confidence issues stemming from childhood. Maybe I felt that if I wasn’t greater than expected, I would be seen as far less than. But how do you chase your dreams and still stay true to who you are inside? Ask Dolly Parton.

The quotes that feed my soul have to do with each of those things I mentioned.





Those both speak to me. One, in terms of dealing with the hard times, for me, the bouts of depression and self-doubt. Secondly, the feeling that walking the same path as most others just didn’t fit who I wanted to be.

Many of you reading this likely have other Dolly quotes that speak to you. That’s the idea. We might all enter this orbit of grief and admiration from different roads, but they all end up connecting in the end.

That might be Dolly’s greatest gift. She unified so many people. Her death felt like losing a loved one to likely hundreds of millions of people. There are very few celebrities who are as universally loved and admired as Dolly Parton.

I have seen many people I admired in the entertainment industry pass away; very few have I felt the urge to write my own thoughts about. Even as I write this, I periodically stop and scroll social media to read stories of Dolly from fans and other celebrities.

She might have left this world, but there are still gifts from her to come in the years ahead. I have read things about a musical of her life, dolls, dog treats, coffee, and best of all, an unreleased song. That last one we have to wait until her 100th birthday in 2046, though.

Dolly Parton might be gone, but the stories told of her will keep her alive. Just as my Nina might be gone, but I do my best to keep her memory alive. This includes sharing a very private, if not a little embarrassing, story of how she reminded me of Dolly and vice versa. 

Goodbye Dolly. You left an impact on this world far greater than most people could ever dream. Thank you for reminding me of my Nina. Thank you for your words to remind me that “if you tell yourself enough nice things, eventually, you’ll believe them too.”

If you happen to bump into my Nina, maybe you could sing a duet, lead a fitness class, or exchange hair tips? We will always love you, Dolly. And I will always love you, Nina.