While recording the next bonus podcast episode for my Patreon subscribers I laughed at just how wacky and all over the place the blog post from February 2011 was that I was sharing. I joked on that podcast that I might enter all of that text into ChatGPT and have it turned into a television show. That is just what I did. The results? I know I was dying laughing, you be the judge. You'll have to supply your own laugh track but I can share the title card and embed the theme song. Enjoy!
Television Show Episode: "Chris Unfiltered"
Title: Swollen Meatheads and Raspberry-Melon Dreams
Genre: Comedy/Drama
Logline: Chris navigates the chaos of gym culture, personal epiphanies, and unexpected life lessons in a single whirlwind day.
Act 1: Gym Woes
Chris, a witty and slightly cynical protagonist in his late 30s, starts the day with a trip to his local gym. As he works out, his internal monologue is relentless:
- The "swollen meatheads" grunt through deadlifts, their exaggerated movements resembling primates.
- The "gym rats", as Chris dubs them, parade in club-ready outfits. While aesthetically pleasing, their presence distracts Chris to the point of frustration.
After a failed attempt to focus, Chris decides to leave, his thoughts drifting to two attractive gym-goers walking home. Imagining picking them up, his mind spirals into a darkly comedic fantasy where they rob him of his car and organs. Shaking his head, he drives off, muttering, "My life is not a Skinemax thriller."
Act 2: Hot Takes and Epiphanies
Later at a coffee shop, Chris sips on a decaf latte, marveling at how less caffeine has somehow given him more energy. He shares his hot take on baseball with the barista:
- "First the Yankees jerk Jeter, now the Cardinals with Pujols? Top five player, hands down."
The barista nods politely, clearly uninterested, while Chris continues his rant.
Chris then reflects on a recurring dream involving an ex-girlfriend. His best friend, Max, calls it a “sign from the universe.” Chris scoffs but makes a mental note to reach out to her—just in case.
Act 3: Hiking and Hip Pain
Chris decides to tackle Great Blue Hill, ignoring a nagging pain in his hip. The hike starts strong, but midway up, he pulls something and collapses dramatically. A group of college hikers helps him up, laughing at his "old man" complaints.
While recovering, he imagines Chinless Fat Guy, a caricature from the gym, as the villain in a future novel. He chuckles to himself, thinking, That guy’s a goldmine of comedy.
Act 4: Car Metaphors and Cheerios
Back home, Chris films a vlog for his small but loyal online following.
- He compares relationships to cars: “If it keeps breaking down, you don’t keep pouring money into it. You get a new car!”
His subscribers flood the comments with agreement and car-related breakup stories.
Later, Chris rants about Count Chocula’s disappearance from store shelves. “We’ve got Pumpkin Spice Cheerios, but no Count Chocula? Madness!” He holds up a bottle of raspberry-melon Gatorade and concludes: “At least some things still make sense.”
Final Scene: Unexpected Connection
As Chris winds down for the night, he dreams of his ex again. This time, the dream feels less like a memory and more like a resolution. When he wakes up, he decides to message her, keeping it simple: Hey, just checking in. Hope you’re well.
The episode ends with Chris sitting on his couch, sipping Gatorade, and smiling as her reply comes through.
Tagline:
“Life’s a mess, but Chris has opinions—and Gatorade—to get him through.”
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