2004: My Life In Poetry Form (Part 3) - Throwback Thursday

 

This is a recurring series featuring five poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and mind were like at a certain age and show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. We return to 2004. I was 26 years old. I had met one of the most important people and was in the midst of an important relationship in my life. It highly affected my writing.

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Raindrops

Staring out of my window, the raindrops changing shapes before my eyes.

I’d love to watch the sunrise, I’d love to see some blue skies, but I haven’t got past this rain-soaked window yet. Turning to my wall, headlights flash a tearful rain shadow. It could be the angels' tears for me; someday I will know. Sitting on the bed unmade, on the spot where last night I prayed. For a voice, a sign, a reason or rhyme, for some raindrops in my head to wash clean my mind. It’s silent in here now but for the rain, like pebbles tapping a prayer for me. Looking at the ceiling, through it up and away to where I know you are. The distance in miles and years doesn’t seem so far. I know you can hear my whispers through the falling stars. Staring out of my window, 

the rain rolling down reminds me of me. 

Soon those drops will dry, so in time, I hope, will mine.

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The Art of Losing

Tell me, my baby, where did you go?

I woke up this morning, and everything was gone.

It's so cold, the world is dark, without you in my arms.

Can I find you? Will you come back?

Everything is blue, 

from my eyes to the sky and every inch in between.

Inside I'm wasting away, crippled and broken-hearted; 

it could be my last day.

I'm tired from tears, weak from chasing answers, 

lost in all my fears.

Why can't I find you baby? You used to be everywhere.

There are no words I can say. Look into my heart, 

you'll find it all in there.

I love you so much it hurts, now the pain is all I have left of you.

If I could paint a picture of me without you, 

all I'd need is gray and blue.

Can you hear me calling you baby?

I went to bed last night, 

and your name was all the night could hear.

The sun rose black as coal, my mind is a winter storm, 

no one can find me.

Only you can save me from this lonely road I'm on.

You hold the sweetest verse to my most beautiful song.

I've lost my voice, I've only got one choice, to admit I was wrong.

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Under the Streetlight

Spinning slowly around.

Slow dancing with my baby under the streetlight shining down.

I can smell your sweet perfume when I close my eyes.

In my ear you sing a soft lullaby.

I could stay here forever, as long as we're together, I'll dance with you wherever, the streetlight is shining down.

Rest now, our dance floor is quiet.

Hold me tight and feel my heartbeat.

Never has my life felt this complete.

Here slow dancing with my baby on an empty street.

We don't know why, but here we are.

Weaving in and out of the headlights of passing cars.

Eye to eye and cheek to cheek, still a little too far.

No need to look up, I'm face to face with my own beautiful star.

I could stay here forever, and as long as we're together, I'll dance with you wherever the streetlights are shining down.

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Your Eyes

I’ve been thinking about you, all the time, and every day. Something you do to me makes it so I can’t turn away. I’ve been wondering could this thing so beautiful be true. It’s your eyes; I’m hypnotized. There’s magnificence I see in them exotic rains enhancing the flames. It’s your eyes. They’re shining peace through the storms. Those eyes and what they give, I want to see through them. I want to see how the world’s beauty looks, like the ocean waves melting away.

I’ve been seeing you, walking endlessly inside my mind. You’re just a daydream, but something remains. You’re playing me like a song I can’t stop. Should I turn this melody up? It’s ringing in my ears all night. Your voice keeps me hanging on, singing through the night until dawn. It’s your eyes. There’s a sensual mix of crazy and love. It’s your eyes. They’re the deep end of the ocean, they turn my stone to clay. Those eyes and how they make me feel, I want to see through them. I want to see how they separate you from the rest, how they capture hearts and minds.

All that is mystery is in your eyes. All that is heaven on earth, all that keeps me going. When I have no direction, it’s where I look. When I feel too cold to move, it’s where the warmth lies. They hold back the hurricane, but could bring the storm at any time. They hold back the river, but could flood my mind in a wink. They could break me, but they hold the strength to save this falling man. It’s your eyes, I’m speechless. It’s your eyes, it’s hopeless. It’s your eyes, nothing less. I want to see inside; I must confess. I want to see you through your eyes. I want to see me through your eyes.

I want to see through your eyes.

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2004: My Life In Poetry Form - Throwback Thursday

 

This is a weekly recurring series featuring five poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and mind were like at a certain age and show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. We return to 2004. I was 26 years old. I had met one of the most important people and was in the midst of an important relationship in my life. It highly affects my writing.

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Distance

There are times when I am lonely, times when I am scared, times when I feel this distance between us can not be repaired. When I have in my heart all the love in a song, now I do not have a heart, and I do not think I belong. There are rooms with no windows, rooms with a view, rooms with a looking glass door to fall through. I have reached to the sky and fallen to the ground, now this distance is like a shadow following me around. Now I do not feel I belong in this cold lonely town. There are places I have been, places I will not go, things I have discovered and wish I did not know. There are truths that make the lies seem sweeter, and stories you tell to make a mess seem neater. There are times when I want to scream, times when I want to cry, day after day this distance is here and I have not figured out why. All that was right is all that is wrong, since you have been gone I do not feel like I belong.

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Me Without You

The sky grows dark and the stars come out.

Light is hard to find, I don’t want to open my eyes.

Behind them there is a face, a beauty I don’t want the dawn to erase.

This is me without you.

Summer sun seems cold as ice, as pale as snow that’s fallen twice.

The warmth of an embrace is all the touch I cannot replace.

Under my skin I’m shivering,

as my dreams make promises they’re not delivering.

There is no me without you.

I am just a shell, a soul with no voice, a lost lonely sailor at sea with no choice. I only follow blindly the fog in my mind, a picture of the love that’s left me behind. Steps without walking, words without talking,

my eyes watching the door without blinking.

There is no me without you. I cannot be free without you.

There is nothing to believe without you.

There’s only sadness I receive without you.

The sky grows dark like the sun forgot to rise.

Suddenly a silhouette forms before my eyes.

My heart can’t stop racing no matter how hard it tries.

I touch an angels face and from deep inside I realize…

there is no me without you.

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Second Time Around

Falling back in with the same old crowd.

The hole seems deeper the second time around.

Dirty, battered, and broken before, clean was never good enough,

I need to hurt some more.

I need the sky to fill with clouds.

I know where I can hide the second time around.

I need my heart to close its doors.

Love was never going to save me, I need alone some more.

Stumbling back down a foggy set of stairs.

The basement of my mind where nothing was repaired.

Thought I'd learned how to find the light.

But my eyes see the blinding sun as twilight.

I need the dark to hide my eyes.

The second time around I've lost my disguise.

I need that closed book to open again.

It was never to be finished, only a new way to begin.

Falling back in with my same old friends.

Here is the place, and now is when.

Dirty, battered, and broken again, lying on the ground.

Nothing was good enough, it's worse the second time around.

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Underground

Plant me and watch me grow.

Feed me full of what you want me to know.

Fragile and cramped under the light.

Small and weak, keep me in the dark of night.

Tear me out by the roots, your work is done.

Cast off into the pile, a journey just begun.

Use my home to grow my clone.

A future so unlimited now to be spent alone.

Trying to use what I've been taught, all the answers change.

Looking over the landscape at all the places to pass the blame.

Do you remember? Why do you remember?

Hurt to remember? Forget to remember?

Give in to surrender? Brain in a blender?

Too bad I'm not a member?

This nightmare's a never ender?

Letters with no sender? Wounded needs a mender?

Plant me and watch me grow.

My seed now six feet below.

Struggle for the air trickling down.

Forget the light I'm staying underground.

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2004: My Life In Poetry Form - Throwback Thursday

This is a weekly recurring series featuring five poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and mind were like at a certain age and show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. This is 2004. I was 26 years old. I had met one of the most important people and was in the midst of an important relationship in my life. It highly affects my writing.

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27

And now I've reached the mountain top, standing where you stood.

I'm looking down, through all the clouds, wondering if I should.

Hands were meant to create, not swerve in a ditch off the interstate,

too bad nobody applied the break, it was 27 feet down into the lake.

And now I've reached the bottom, heartaches and regrets, 

damn right I've got them.

Bubbles to take my words away, the only ones who hear what I say, 

let runaway minds begin.

A mind needs sunshine to grow, not chemicals making you forget your way home, too bad I was left all alone, it was 27 cc's and the sadness was gone.

And now I've seen the mountain top, the thinning air, the ten-mile drop.

The world was shaking, so glad it stopped, 

my legs were numb from being tossed.

Love is here to save, not send you on a fast train to the grave,

so glad it found me before I went under the waves, it only took 27 years to find happiness.

I'm letting go, of you tonight, my friend, my hero.

You changed my path more than you'll ever know, but I found a new hero to carry me home.

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The Reason Why He Is Here

Shadows everywhere, she sees the light under the bathroom door.

The bed is cold and empty, he’s staring in the mirror, what is he searching for?

She asks him how he feels, why he’s here alone and stands with him to be near.

He couldn’t sleep, the dreams cut too deep, he’s up looking for the reason why he is here. 

The books have no answers, prayers just tie your tongue, he ends where awareness begins. Lives pass each day, what has he to offer? She looks into his eyes gently caressing his skin. Her happiness comes from him, they give strength to each other, and her kiss makes everything clear. He may get lost, or down and feel stuck, but through it all she shines. She is the reason why he is here. 

Her love is like the moon pulling his heart to her, 

fear is gone, and he can let go.

He stares into the mirror, at her reflection beside his, he can rest his eyes now because he knows. Lights go down, darkness and no sound, he holds her close to breathe in the air she gives. He sees her beauty long after he can see nothing, he’s sleeping in peace because he’s found the reason why he is here.

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Wherever You Are Is Home

You can roam the earth, and sail across the sea, but wherever you are is home to me. We could live among the mountains or clogged city streets, you and you alone are all that I will need. We could stay on the run, from one place to another, never would I need to stop as long as we have each other.

I had a dream of beach sand and palm trees, a hammock swaying in the breeze, and a gentle kiss from you to me. It was so real because it can be, just open our eyes and let our minds go free. All I want and all I need is in you, you’re all I see. You can hide in the forest, I will find you among the trees, wherever you are standing now, that is home to me. Wherever you are my angel, tonight, tomorrow, in the moments and instants we haven’t dreamed of yet. Wherever you lay your head, my baby, that is home to me.

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Maybe

Maybe I can hold your hand.

Maybe I can understand.

Maybe you're the one who completes me.

Maybe all alone is where I deserve to be.

Maybe I knew you were right all along.

Maybe my love can not be contained in a song.

Maybe I can reopen the door that's been closed.

Maybe I can stop and listen to your words.

Maybe I'm afraid, maybe I just never say.

Maybe you're the reason I'm alive every day.

Maybe I'm so sorry, no maybe's, that's the truth.

Baby everything means nothing if I am without you.

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