2004: My Life In Poetry Form (Part 3) - Throwback Thursday

 

This is a recurring series featuring five poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and mind were like at a certain age and show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. We return to 2004. I was 26 years old. I had met one of the most important people and was in the midst of an important relationship in my life. It highly affected my writing.

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Raindrops

Staring out of my window, the raindrops changing shapes before my eyes.

I’d love to watch the sunrise, I’d love to see some blue skies, but I haven’t got past this rain-soaked window yet. Turning to my wall, headlights flash a tearful rain shadow. It could be the angels' tears for me; someday I will know. Sitting on the bed unmade, on the spot where last night I prayed. For a voice, a sign, a reason or rhyme, for some raindrops in my head to wash clean my mind. It’s silent in here now but for the rain, like pebbles tapping a prayer for me. Looking at the ceiling, through it up and away to where I know you are. The distance in miles and years doesn’t seem so far. I know you can hear my whispers through the falling stars. Staring out of my window, 

the rain rolling down reminds me of me. 

Soon those drops will dry, so in time, I hope, will mine.

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The Art of Losing

Tell me, my baby, where did you go?

I woke up this morning, and everything was gone.

It's so cold, the world is dark, without you in my arms.

Can I find you? Will you come back?

Everything is blue, 

from my eyes to the sky and every inch in between.

Inside I'm wasting away, crippled and broken-hearted; 

it could be my last day.

I'm tired from tears, weak from chasing answers, 

lost in all my fears.

Why can't I find you baby? You used to be everywhere.

There are no words I can say. Look into my heart, 

you'll find it all in there.

I love you so much it hurts, now the pain is all I have left of you.

If I could paint a picture of me without you, 

all I'd need is gray and blue.

Can you hear me calling you baby?

I went to bed last night, 

and your name was all the night could hear.

The sun rose black as coal, my mind is a winter storm, 

no one can find me.

Only you can save me from this lonely road I'm on.

You hold the sweetest verse to my most beautiful song.

I've lost my voice, I've only got one choice, to admit I was wrong.

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Under the Streetlight

Spinning slowly around.

Slow dancing with my baby under the streetlight shining down.

I can smell your sweet perfume when I close my eyes.

In my ear you sing a soft lullaby.

I could stay here forever, as long as we're together, I'll dance with you wherever, the streetlight is shining down.

Rest now, our dance floor is quiet.

Hold me tight and feel my heartbeat.

Never has my life felt this complete.

Here slow dancing with my baby on an empty street.

We don't know why, but here we are.

Weaving in and out of the headlights of passing cars.

Eye to eye and cheek to cheek, still a little too far.

No need to look up, I'm face to face with my own beautiful star.

I could stay here forever, and as long as we're together, I'll dance with you wherever the streetlights are shining down.

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Your Eyes

I’ve been thinking about you, all the time, and every day. Something you do to me makes it so I can’t turn away. I’ve been wondering could this thing so beautiful be true. It’s your eyes; I’m hypnotized. There’s magnificence I see in them exotic rains enhancing the flames. It’s your eyes. They’re shining peace through the storms. Those eyes and what they give, I want to see through them. I want to see how the world’s beauty looks, like the ocean waves melting away.

I’ve been seeing you, walking endlessly inside my mind. You’re just a daydream, but something remains. You’re playing me like a song I can’t stop. Should I turn this melody up? It’s ringing in my ears all night. Your voice keeps me hanging on, singing through the night until dawn. It’s your eyes. There’s a sensual mix of crazy and love. It’s your eyes. They’re the deep end of the ocean, they turn my stone to clay. Those eyes and how they make me feel, I want to see through them. I want to see how they separate you from the rest, how they capture hearts and minds.

All that is mystery is in your eyes. All that is heaven on earth, all that keeps me going. When I have no direction, it’s where I look. When I feel too cold to move, it’s where the warmth lies. They hold back the hurricane, but could bring the storm at any time. They hold back the river, but could flood my mind in a wink. They could break me, but they hold the strength to save this falling man. It’s your eyes, I’m speechless. It’s your eyes, it’s hopeless. It’s your eyes, nothing less. I want to see inside; I must confess. I want to see you through your eyes. I want to see me through your eyes.

I want to see through your eyes.

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When Teenage Dreams Meet Middle-Aged Reality

Donate to my fundraiser for The Cabin:  https://gofund.me/3f4b435dd

What did you want to be when you were younger? Where did you want to be? Who did you want to be?

I’m not talking about when you were little. I’m not looking at the days when we all wanted to be ninjas or princesses. I am talking about when you became a teenager. Those were the years when things started to crystallize a little better. What was your dream at the time you entered high school?

Flash forward to the present day. Are you that person? Are you where you’d hoped you’d be? Doing what you’d hoped you’d be doing? I hope you are.

For me, my life over the last thirty years has consisted of having one foot in the so-called ‘real world,’ and one foot struggling to keep its footing in those teenage dream years. Maybe you’d say I’ve held on too long to dreams that might never come true. I’d counter with maybe you gave up on your dreams too quickly.

I have always dreamed of working in some sort of creative field. I have had ten books published, have hundreds of blogs, hundreds of videos on YouTube that I have created from scratch, and hundreds of podcasts. Everything has been created by me from beginning to end.

The time between when I graduated high school and the green-lighting of my first book was fifteen years. In those years, I was a stock boy, landscaper, and cook. There were many days that the fire or my creative dreams were reduced to a tiny glowing ember underneath a pile of ash.

I never gave up, though. Even when my life was a mass of turkey clubs and fries, I never stopped dreaming. My hope of someday using my creative brain to make a living kept me from falling down a rabbit hole of despair in my 20s that I probably would never have gotten out of. Sometimes a little hope goes a long way.

Giving up on my teenage dreams has always felt like I’d be slapping my younger self in the face. My dreams of being a writer or a filmmaker in high school carried me through a home life that was chaos on nearly every level.

I had a biological father who couldn’t have cared less about me unless I had money I could give him. I had a stepfather who it felt like had a mission to break my spirit both physically and emotionally. That teenager fought to keep going, so this middle-aged man fights to keep those dreams alive.

You don’t understand how important a little hope is until that’s just about all that you have. Through rejection by my father, I had hope. Through abuse from my stepfather, I had hope. Through depression, breakups, and confusion, I had hope.

What ended up happening is the older I got, I’m talking later 30s, I started to feel that hope turn to something else: purpose. The older I got, being unmarried with no children, the more I started to step back and look at my situation on a macro level. There had to be a reason why I was where I was at that point in my life.

It easily could have morphed into fear and desperation. Oh no, I need a wife, and I need to have kids and settle down before it’s too late. I went the opposite way. I said, the fact that I am almost totally unrestricted must mean something. It gives me freedom to keep pursuing those teenage dreams.

There is an inspirational meme that I have gone back to many times over the last several years. There are two men in tunnels digging with pick axes. Both are slowly digging toward a giant stash of diamonds. One man is mere inches away when he gives up and turns around. The other man, it is theorized, will keep digging and find his fortune. That is my hope.

I am 48 years old. I have been on this road in varying forms for 30 years. Sometimes I stray and get lost in the woods for a bit, but eventually I am back on the road. Heading for what? I don’t know. I have hope.

Later this summer, I am producing my first feature film. It is called The Cabin and is a short story I wrote back in 2008. It is this project that I feel is the full-circle moment. This is where teenage dream and middle-aged reality finally meet.

Back to the digging for diamonds meme I just mentioned. In my life, I crossed a series of imaginary lines that could have been crossroads. I couldn’t play guitar the way I’d hoped. I had no way of making any money writing poetry. I made pennies on each of the ebooks I spent countless hours writing, editing, and self-publishing. I got a book deal and sold a fair amount, but got little in royalties from any of them.

Over the course of fifteen years, I had several exit signs on that road of life. I doubt anyone would have even noticed that I’d silently gotten off the highway to find whatever rundown shack I could and settle in to waste away my remaining decades. But I kept going.

I'd rather explore a rundown shack than live in one.

If music, poetry, my ebooks, or even my traditionally published books didn’t change my life, there had to be something else on the horizon. It is a mix of hope and stubbornness that kept me digging for those diamonds.

The Cabin doesn’t arrive as an opportunity if I leave my dreams behind. Sure, my creative work has only given me modest financial gains, but it has given me something just as important: visibility. All of my work leaves a mighty imprint online. I am easy to find.

The work I did over the years allowed producer Frank Durant to find me. He was looking for someone to write the companion book for his upcoming Lady of the Dunes documentary in 2021. I could have turned it down, but my senses told me it was going to be an important project. It was. In some small way, we helped spur on law enforcement to solve the nearly fifty-year-old cold case of a murdered woman found in the dunes of Provincetown.

That project led to me getting a small role in an indie horror film, Cape Cod Cthulhu, directed by Mark Polonia. That project and meeting gave me an opening. Frank was the one who had initially been interested in The Cabin. We had spoken about it a few times over the course of maybe two years. He mentioned it to Mark as a potential film, and the rest is history.

Again, I believe everything in my life that has happened, or not happened, has led me to this moment. Having a wife and kids, while it would have been a blessing, would have left me unable to just up and go off on an adventure to film this movie later this summer.

If I had looked at my lack of financial gains through my creative endeavors over the years and given up at any point, The Cabin wouldn’t have happened. Hell, I could have given up early and never have even written The Cabin in the first place.

I want to do right by that teenage boy who was dealing with so much shit, but never let it break him. I want to do right by my mother, who always supported me. I want to do right by my family and friends who have proven time and again that they truly believe that I am on the right path, even during the times when I doubt myself.

When I was younger, I had hope. Now I have support. One is you just trying to survive another day. The other is people you care about telling you that you are worth the time. One is solitary. It is teenage angst, telling others I’ll do this on my own, whether you like it or not. The other is a village. It is the cheering crowd during the last mile of a grueling marathon.

At the end of my one marathon I ran.

Of course, hope and support don’t matter if you don’t put the work in. That isn’t a problem. For five years, I have worked a full-time job while also spending 15-20 hours weekly working on various creative projects. Work for your dreams, and they will work for you. I’m all for wishing and manifesting, but I’d rather climb the tree to get an apple rather than stand underneath it hoping one falls.

This summer in 2026 feels like the time when my teenage dream and my midlife reality have hit a perfect intersection. I have built up enough equity through years of hard work with little more than that dream to carry me forward.

Perhaps if I had been offered the chance to produce a feature film when I was fresh out of college, I wouldn’t have appreciated it. I’d have probably been smug and felt like it was all too easy. The fall would have likely been epic after that.

I think I had to go through the grind. I had to go through years of being the proverbial starving artist to fully appreciate a big opportunity when it arose. I won’t lie, there is also a little twinge of desperation. That little belief that I’d better go all out because it might be the only opportunity that I’ve got.

Nothing is for certain. I don’t have any delusions of grandeur. In my mind, The Cabin is a major milestone, but also the beginning of a new road. I foresee a streaming deal, DVD/Blu-ray sales, maybe a small theatrical release on Cape Cod. I don’t see making millions off a low-budget, indie, psychological, suspenseful horror film.

What I do see is that tunnel leading to the diamonds. Maybe The Cabin is the peak of my film career. If I believe that, then it will be no matter what. I have several other stories I’ve written that could easily be made into films. Maybe the screenplay gets me noticed. You’ve got to make the most of every chance you get.

Even if I go no higher than a producer of a small indie horror film, I will still forever be able to say I am a film producer. It’s just like when I ran my only marathon. I can forever say I am a marathon runner.

I want more than that, though. I have hustled way too long to be satisfied with ‘good enough.’ That begs the question. How will I know if I have truly succeeded in chasing that teenage dream? It’s actually very simple.

The day that I wake up and am fully financially supported by my creative endeavors, I will know I made it. I don’t need a 5,000 square foot house on the water. I don’t need a luxury sports car. I don’t need the latest and greatest of everything. I just want to wake up knowing my success has come from my creative mind and does not rely on a person or company that could literally destroy my life in a moment by terminating me.

I don’t need to be rich. I need to feel fulfilled. I don’t need to be better than everyone. I need to feel as good as anyone. Teenage me wouldn’t get it. Middle-aged me does.

Don’t ever give up chasing your dream, whatever it is. That’s the best way I can sum up all of what I have written. I could have thrown my hands up and said 'oh well’ when I failed at 23 with guitar, or failed at 26 with poetry, or failed at 32 with ebooks. By failure, I just mean I didn’t become financially stable.

Maybe I fail at 48 with film producing. Who knows? But I never went into any venture believing I’d fail. Hope for the best, plan for the worst. The Cabin is a culmination, but also a new beginning. It is the moment when a teenage dream meets middle-aged reality. I am ready for the ride, wherever it takes me.

Alternate Life Timelines. #1 - Going Away To College

Getting older means a lot of things. You see and do a lot. You meet people. You lose people. You experience the exciting, the mundane, the exhilarating, and the ordinary. Your body changes. Your mind changes. Where you live? What you do? It’s all a free-flowing sea of days washing over each other.

As I approach 50, I have a unique perspective on my life and life in general. The older you get, the more chances you have had to travel down different paths. These might not be physical paths. You might not even have traveled far from where you grew up. Time does lend itself to creating different chapters of your life.

In some ways, life becomes like one of those Choose Your Own Adventure books. The decisions you make have ripple effects throughout your life. If you do this, then that happens. What about the decisions or events that could have happened but didn’t? Those are going to be the purpose of this series of articles.

I will be looking back at the nearly 50 years of my life and finding the seminal moments that either did, or could have, changed the course of my existence. I will expand on them using my best intuition as to what the probable outcome would have been.

You can easily do this as well and likely already do. Everyone thinks back to moments that could have changed their lives. If you didn’t meet someone. If that car in the other lane hadn’t swerved in time. If you had chosen to take that job. These articles won’t be so much about rehashing regrets. They are more of an interesting look at how many times in life you are faced with the potential of a big change. What do you do when the opportunity arises?



In order for something to have the greatest ripple effect through your life you need to choose moments from long in the past. The first one that pops into my mind is my choice to not go away to college. This has had an enormous amount of impact on my life.

It was 1996. I was a senior in high school and was, in all honesty, getting burned out on school. I had been an honors, sometimes high honors, student. I had taken my SATs when I was thirteen. I had been invited to genius camp by the prestigious Johns Hopkins University. I worked hard on my education throughout my formative years.

I still had time for friends, but I was also driven to be successful in school. This was likely tied to my own self-worth due to not getting much emotional support in my home life aside from my mother, who was doing the best she could to be both parents. Good grades proved I had value.

When senior year came, most of my friends were looking toward the future, specifically college. I had my eyes on some places. They were lofty expectations, like the University of North Carolina or the University of Nevada – Las Vegas. These were tied to athletics, something that I was not excelling in, and therefore my odds of going to schools like those were slim to none.

Closer schools, like the University of Massachusetts, should have been on my radar since I had family who had gone there. You cannot predict the future, and an event happened during the final few months of high school that threw a wrench into my plans; I got a girlfriend.

This changed my outlook. I hadn’t had a real, serious girlfriend before. My judgment became clouded. She was still going to be in high school after I graduated. I couldn’t leave her, right? I enjoyed the feeling of being in a relationship. Having someone who was so deeply into me was intoxicating. So intoxicating that I couldn’t see, or didn’t want to see, the obvious issue. There was a very, very small chance that we would be the high school sweethearts that lasted into old age. The reality was we weren’t going to make it.

When you’re a teenager, dealing with your first real relationship, you don’t have any experience by which to judge your choices. I chose to back off on my application to colleges. In fact, I decided to not apply at all. I chose to take a semester off from school after graduation.

My mother was supportive, but I am sure she could sense that I was starting to drift in a different direction. My life was no longer going to be filled with education. It was about my relationship. I did end up going to college after taking a semester off, and that plan still happened. However, I didn’t go out of state. I barely traveled from my home. I signed up for classes at Cape Cod Community College for the spring semester in 1997.

It is a great school and a boon to the Cape, but compared to how my future had looked a year earlier, it had to be seen as a step down. I took classes in graphic design, journalism, and creative writing, among others. These were all things I wanted to become good at for a creative career. Looking back, though, I was all over the map. I had no definitive path for my education. This is why my major was communications.

To no one’s surprise, my relationship did not last. After 2 ½ years, we broke up. I was devastated, even though I had brought the breakup on myself. That left me heartbroken and wandering through college with no real drive. Not to mention that I had been taking fewer classes per semester than was necessary.

I did that to have time to work and also spend time with my girlfriend. What it meant was that when my two years at community college were finished, I did not have enough credits to get a 2-year degree. I was deflated. It took all of my willpower just to keep going in college to get to that magical two-year mark. After that, I could take a breath and see where I wanted to go. Maybe it wasn’t too late to go to UMass or somewhere else.

None of that happened. I sank into a deep depression and gave up on college temporarily. To escape my sadness and overall frustration at where my life was, I ended up moving to Las Vegas in 2000.

We look at the chain of events from my choice to not go away to college. I lost my drive for education. I settled for a low-risk, low-reward cooking job to pay the bills. I lost a lot of friends because they went away to college. I became resentful of my girlfriend and blamed her for my poor choices in life. Eventually, this led to a breakup, bouts of depression, and ultimately moving across the country to try to find myself before it was too late.

It doesn’t stop with a move to Las Vegas. You can keep the timeline moving forward to anything in the last 25 years that didn’t work out the way I wanted. It truly is the first major regret, major mistake, I made in my adult life.



Now let’s go back. It’s 1996. I am a senior in high school. How would things have changed?

I was already on the fence about going off to college before I met my girlfriend, so we’d have to go back to the beginning of senior year. I have made up my mind that I am going to go to the University of Massachusetts at Dartmouth. It is close enough that I could visit Cape Cod any chance I could get. It was also far enough away that I’d feel like I was on my own.

I’m not saying I wouldn’t have dated the same girl. I believe that if my plans were in motion to go off to college, I would be less apt to break them and stay. In reality, I didn’t have to cancel anything; I just had to not fill out the applications.

Maybe I date my girlfriend. Maybe I don’t. When August 1996 came though, I’d be packing up and getting ready to head off to college. I likely would have found a dorm roommate from high school classmates who were also going to UMass Dartmouth. I know a few who did.

I would have experienced everything that college life had to offer. Living away from home. Parties. New people. It would have taken a bit of adjusting, but being placed in a large, unfamiliar situation would have done wonders for my confidence.

As far as a major went, I’d be looking for a creative field like I did at Cape Cod Community College. Probably not communications, likely something along the lines of creative writing. I wrote for the college newspaper in reality, so I’d probably do it at UMass as well.

The college experience would have better prepared me for social situations in general as I got later into my 20s and 30s. The older I get, the more difficult it becomes to step out of my comfort zone. Succeeding or failing at doing things while in college would have shown me that I would be all right in an unfamiliar environment. Going away to college would have forced me out of my normal routine. The longer I stayed on Cape Cod, the more ingrained the routine became. It’s like stepping into wet cement. You can get out of it, but you have to do so quickly, otherwise you are stuck once it dries.

After four years of college, the sky would have been the limit. I would have graduated in 2000. In reality, by the summer of 2000, I had gone through that terrible breakup, dealt with severe depression, given up on college (temporarily), and decided to move to Las Vegas. In the alternate timeline, none of that would happen.

I might have had breakups and dealt with depression, but I would have been able to look at what I was doing in college and hope that any suffering would pay off. I do believe I would have pulled through any adversity. In the alternate timeline, I might have been getting burned out on school, but I never took my foot off the gas. That is the biggest regret.

When you have momentum in anything, it’s easier to just keep going than it is to stop and try to start again later. In this timeline, I keep going. Even if I don’t become the absolute best I could be, I would not have the doubts and self-loathing that grew inside of me in my early 20s. It’s hard to shake the feeling that you’re a failure.



The view from 20,000 feet shows a massive change in my life and my identity as a person. No high school girlfriend means no messy breakup, which means I don’t feel a desperate need to find love anywhere. This had serious effects on my confidence. Going away to college means I don’t settle for the low-risk job that I ended up spending way too many years at. Comfort does not always equal happiness.

Graduating from college with whatever degree means I have a wide open playing field in which to ply my trade. Maybe I do end up in Las Vegas, but with a college degree. This would mean not grabbing the first low-paying job I could find just so I wouldn’t be broke while I went to college out there. Or maybe I end up somewhere totally different, with totally new people and experiences that take me further and further from Cape Cod.

Maybe I make connections elsewhere. Maybe I meet my soulmate in a town I don’t even know exists. Maybe I get married, have kids, own a house, all things I do not have in my reality. I am sure I would find time to visit home, but it would not be nearly the same as reality.

This brings me to the things I would have missed out on if my life had gone down this other path. First and foremost, I would have drifted away from my family. Not out of spite, but due to time, distance, and my own schedule. I would not have been there for the births of my two older nieces. I would not have had the close bond with them when they were growing up. That right there eliminates most of the regret I feel about not going off to college.

I would not have seen my Grampa as the role model and hero that he became. I grew to appreciate him more as I got into my later 20s and 30s. If I am not close by, I probably find my role models in celebrities or strangers. Who knows what that means for me as a person?

Then other things may or may not have still happened. Do I get a book published, or as it stands now, ten? Do I get deep into fitness and get into the best shape of my life in my mid 30s? Or do I end up overweight with various health issues that I don’t have to worry about in reality? It’s things like that which you take for granted.



So, to sum up this first alternate timeline, where do I think I’d be at this stage of my life if I had chosen to go away to college right after high school? Obviously, there’s a difference between what I’d want for a life and what I truly believe. For me, I think what I’d want and believe wouldn’t be that far apart.

At Age 48 in this alternate timeline, I could see myself living somewhere like Southern California. Not Los Angeles or San Diego, I don’t like cities. It would be a mid-sized town, probably slightly inland and somewhere halfway between San Francisco and Los Angeles.

I don’t think I’d be an author, but I’d be working in some creative field. Despite being a writer, podcaster, etc. I have learned many ancillary skills like editing, research, and story development. I could see myself finding steady, good-paying work, maybe not in my dream job, but a suburb of my dream job.

I believe that I have good genes. I would still likely be in halfway decent shape physically and probably better shape emotionally. The experiences, both good and bad, of college would have better prepared me for being an adult.

I would be married. Is it my first? Who knows. I know not all marriages make it. I also would know if I found love once I could find it again, so I wouldn’t close myself off like I tend to do in reality. Kids? I believe I’d have two. I’d hope for a boy and a girl, Michael and Jocelyn, but two of the same would be just as good.

In reality, I have been chasing my dreams as an author and creator for so long. The idea of letting them go to pursue a ‘normal’ life hasn’t sounded appealing. Having gone to college for a specific major would give me the purpose I have been chasing. I’d find a job and meet new people. Maybe I meet ‘the one,’ and we get married and have kids.

Or maybe I hit a bump in life that throws me off course, and I end up living in a shack in the woods with a beard I have to stuff into my pants, so I don’t trip over it. This is all a guessing game.

In the end, it is a fun and somewhat enlightening exercise to look at where I think I would be in life if I had gone away to college in 1996. What I always come back to is that there has to be a reason why I am where I am and who I am at this point in my life. I might briefly wonder what might have been, but I can’t live there.

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” – Kurt Cobain


See you in the next alternate timeline.

Initial Impressions 2.0 Blog #120: Scam Alert, Too Many Bays, Chinless Fool, etc.

1. Sometimes my brain doesn’t get the message fast enough. I was responding to a local library about doing a speaking event later this summer. I then got a new email from another local museum. My first thought was that it was for another speaking event, which would be awesome. I opened it, and it had a link to an ecard. Thinking it was maybe an invite to some event at the museum, I clicked on it. As soon as it was done downloading, it asked to upload the software. I knew then it was a scam. I deleted the ecard and quickly changed my Google password and turned up my security in my banking app. I got so caught up in the potential of making money selling books that I didn’t spot an obvious scam until it was almost too late. I read that this is something new, where hackers send this type of invite from an email in your contacts, so it doesn’t look suspicious. Just beware.


2. They came late this year, but the allergies have arrived. I had a young client this week who was dragging when he came in. I asked him how he felt, and he said he had a slight sore throat and a stuffy head. I was naturally worried, but he said he thought it was allergies. I told his mother to keep us posted as to how he felt the next morning. She called and had to cancel his appointment because he didn’t feel well. I felt lethargic and a bit foggy the next day. Worried that it might be sickness and not allergies, I went online and checked the pollen reports for New England. Luckily, or not so for me, the pollen count is extremely high this week. I was never so happy to have a couple of clients cancel. It gave me time to stay glued to my chair. Hopefully, the rain coming later this week will knock down the pollen. 


3. Sometimes I don’t understand the way things are labeled on Google Maps. I was looking up a place in Plymouth, MA. When starting to zoom in, I noticed a little section of water in Plymouth Harbor was labeled as Cape Cod Bay. What? Then, further out to see the same water was labeled as Plymouth Bay. Ok? Oh, and in the same vicinity, there were also Kingston Bay and Duxbury Bay. Like, wait a minute, does every town there have a bay? Why isn’t all of it Plymouth Bay? How did Cape Cod Bay slip a little extra chunk of water in there? What is this foolishness? Maybe it’s because it was late and I was getting tired that this bothered me so much. I got a screen grab, so you all can feel the same chaos and panic as I did when I saw this.

Too many bays

4. I have had a pretty good-sized white goatee on and off for a few years. I tend to get rid of it in the summer, but the rest of the year, it looks like a bag of alfalfa sprouts on my chin. That came back to bite me this week. I was the guinea pig for a posture screen app for a new employee. You know, being a good coworker and helping out. She had to take 4 photos of my posture: front, back, and both sides. We did this in our gym. The walls of the gym are white. I didn’t think it would matter. When taking the photos, the AI automatically removes the background so that you can focus on the person. What happened was that in one of the side-facing photos, the AI mistook my white beard for the wall and proceeded to remove it. The end result was me looking like I had no chin. It literally went from mouth to neck. I couldn’t stop laughing. I joked I’d make it my social media profile pic. Or even better, use it on a dating site. Don’t worry, I got a photo of it so you can see this abomination.




5. Word travels fast. I had a really fun author event at the West Dennis Library last week. It was for my latest book, which is all about Cape Cod history. It was a rousing success. The event has paid even more dividends as people who were there have spread the word. In just a week or so since that event, I have added 3 more events to my calendar this upcoming summer. It is exciting because I love doing those events. Being involved in some sort of creative field has been the goal for decades. I try everything: podcasts, books, blogs, social media videos, filmmaking. Getting to do some sort of work in those fields makes me feel alive and fulfilled. I have also learned that when it comes to these events, I need to just say yes and figure things out later. I never want to give an establishment a reason to rescind their offer. Luckily, I have a day job that allows me to be very flexible with my schedule. It really is the best of both worlds. Who knows, these upcoming events may not be the only ones to come from that one at West Dennis Library. Also, the new ones I’ve scheduled could lead to many more. I want it to get to the point that I am so busy that I start needing to cut time from my day job.


6. I mention a lot that I am working hard, trying to pursue a career in something creative. Whether writing, podcasting, or film, anything that allows me to use my creative mind to make a living sets my soul alight. That being said, I also make sure to routinely take a step back and appreciate where I am in life. I am very fortunate to be where I am at this point in my life. I have easy access to many close family members. I still have several close friends nearby. I am, for all intents and purposes, in good health as I sadly hurdle toward 50. This allows me the ability to go out and take a long walk on a sunny spring morning on a beautifully scenic route right from my front door. As much as I am working hard and fighting for my future, I am also very appreciative of the life I have now. Things can and do change, so I have to stop and be present as much as possible while I can.



7. Where were you during the great Instagram bot purge of 2026? This week, millions of bot accounts were deleted from the platform. It sent shockwaves through the social media community. Some big celebrities and influencers lost millions of fake followers. Me? I lost around 50. No, I’m not a big celebrity, but I was at least glad that the vast majority of my followers are real people. Now, granted, some of them might be inactive accounts that haven’t been used in a decade. I have no way to know. Honestly, the other major social media apps should follow suit and clear out the bots. I guarantee it would make the whole experience better without fake accounts that are only created to cause chaos and spread misinformation. I might never have deleted my Twitter (never calling it stupid X) account if it wasn’t overrun with bots, oh, and jackasses.


8. For 2026, I have come up with a couple of fun series of articles to write. One is looking back at 1996, the year in general. This is because it’s 30 years ago, and the year I graduated from high school. I look at music, friendships, relationships, and more. The other one branches off from the first. I call it ‘alternate life timelines.’ What does it mean? Basically, I look at seminal moments from my life where a change to what happened would have caused major ripples in my life. I explain reality and also try to guess where I would be in an alternate world. The first article in that series has to do with my choice to not go away to college right after high school. It ended up being a very deep topic that took 2,700 words to finish. I am excited about this series in particular. It’s sort of like getting to live out a fantasy life without leaving my desk. In reality, I believe that I am where I am in life for a reason. Although I might take a brief pit stop in the land of regret, I can’t stay there. A wise man (Kurt Cobain) once said: “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.”

Coming soon...

9. Because I never feel like I have enough on my plate, I decided to start noodling with a pair of new ideas. One book, one television show. The book would be a children’s book about characters that are half animal and half food. They would get fused together with the food they are eating due to a freak lightning strike. Hey, it’s a children’s book; it doesn’t have to be based in reality. The idea came from my niece Sylvie, who said she found a frog and named it Pickles because its back looked like a pickle, green and bumpy. From there, my wacky imagination took over. The other idea is a comedy show based on my experiences in restaurants. I’d base it in the 1990s and use a lot of scenarios that really happened. I could always embellish some and naturally change names, but I think that would be funny. If I had more free time I’d really push these two ideas but for now I’ve got outlines and some sketches. Which would you want to see first?


10. Happy Mother’s Day this week to my mom, Laurie. She has always been my biggest fan, biggest supporter. I admit that a big part of my drive to succeed in creative fields is so that I can validate all of the support and sacrifice that she made for my siblings and me. She went to school full-time while working full-time, while also being the mother of five kids. I have always tried to show my appreciation for that. I believe that I didn’t as much as a kid, but now, as I get into my late 40s, I realize just what my mom did. Happy Mother’s Day to my mom, and thank you. To my sisters, aunts, cousins, and friends who are mothers, I hope the day was as good as it could be for you.

2003: My Life In Poetry Form (Part 3) - Throwback Thursday

 

This is a recurring series featuring five poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and mind were like at a certain age and show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. We return to 2003. I was 25 years old. This was a time featuring a lot of soul-searching and trying to figure out what my path in life was supposed to be.

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Garden Road

I want to send you flowers for Valentine’s Day. Chocolate kisses and sweet candies with the loving words they say. We listen to the band’s rhythm while I pour out my heart into a wine glass. I want to fly and paint clouds with your name in the summer sky. I want to deliver you any wish you desire, deliver you wings if you wanted to go higher. Give you a rope to lasso the shimmering moon, or a net to swipe pearls from the sea. Or the simple pleasure of a walk in the park and a passing of a kiss between you and me. I want time to sleep while we lay in the grass, so close only between us does our breath pass. The birds could change tunes for a while and sing a lullaby for our mind’s to slip into. As we walk that rose-lined garden road we can grow together while our feelings never grow old.

I want to see emotions swell as I wrap my love around your finger. I want to hold tight to that moment, and when I am lonely, linger in its everlasting beauty. I have no petty promises, no shiny double-edged sword. There is no tarnishing of this unity, just an exchange of vows to make our love sacred. Infinitely we dance, eternally sharing one heart, each day a new chapter for us will start. I want a piece of you in me, for you I’ll give my all because a piece is too small. I want time to sleep, it has no purpose now because the race is over. I want to find love, and with it peace and strength. I’ll be where ever you want to be. I want to send you flowers for any day, no meaning or reason, it doesn’t have to be a special occasion anyway. I want to be in your arms today and stretch it into forever. In your heart I want to stay, and in your thoughts to dance and play. I want to have a love, another place to call home. I won’t let you down if you let me in.

I simply want to be with you.

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Some Kind Of Magic

You must have some kind of magic girl. You changed my life the moment you stepped into it. I was sad and lonely, the world so dirty and cruel. Are you real, sometimes I can not tell. To me it all seems so good, a dream I could wake from at any moment. It’s plain to see, you’re all I wanted and more finally happening to me. I think too much, how this luck fell to me. The answer is so simple running so deep. If I could let you in my mind I would tell you of your powers, I should. I’ll give you my heart without hesitation, my very soul without reservation, a fair trade for this beauty you rain down on me. You may not believe it, I’d gladly give more to receive it. I may sound like a fool. You must be some kind of magic girl, cause you’ve made me a fool for you.

You’ve brought the rains to the desert heat.

Brought the color to the black landscape.

Reminded me why I kept waiting so long.

Gave me the real emotions to put in a song.

Taken away the fear and left me nervous.

Shown me that tomorrow still has promise.

Made a believer out of someone once secluded.

Shone a warm light into the darkness I created.

Brought a smile, stay for a while.

Looking into the prettiest eyes, I fall into them a while.

It’s almost funny how fast you changed my outlook.

I guess the first instant of the first moment was all it took.

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Three Words

I have to say the words I’ve been too afraid to say. The ones that keep me awake at night, and consume me everyday. I have to say the words that mean so much to me, but nothing to you if you don’t hear them. The words that can change emotions in a single breath, held in high regard above all the rest. I have to say the words, but I’ve forgotten how to speak them.

I have to ask a question, a response to the words I’ll say. One whose answer can clear a stormy sky, and finally light my way. I have to ask a question that may surprise you, may entice you, may stop you in your tracks. It’s the question that sends the heart bouncing around the body there’s no way to relax. I have to ask a question, but I don’t know how to listen to the answer.

I have a confession to make, clearing up my feelings and leaving no mistake. My heart is here yours for the taking. I am only a peasant to the queen no need for waiting. I have a confession maybe it’s not a surprise. If you ever looked upon me once and seen what’s in my eyes. They see no one but you in crowds or alone, and your beauty remains long after you’re gone. I have a confession but need not say the words.

I have to say the words I’ve been dying for so long to say. The ones that can’t wait an instant for the chance that you get away. I have to say the words that are so loosely used but not by my lips. They are sacred and powerful enough to change hearts and lives. The words that can bring light where nothing else survives. I have to say the words and never second guess. It’s a love there inside them, and it’s for you that I confess.

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With The Seasons

Summer’s ending, some hearts breaking, some now mending.

All eyes fill with tears, some cry in sadness, some tears of joy.

I felt the pain those broken feel.

I feel the happiness now where some had said I was numb.

All people have an empty space inside, some can fill it, some fall in it.

My hole was where my heart lay, surrounded by ice and padlocked shut.

She was just a name, words without a face,

but by breath one in her presence my heart saw daylight.

Winter’s coming, some rest easy, some lost in the cold.

Where I am may become frozen for a time, I will be the melting point,

feeling a warmth like no other.

I long for the sunrise, I can face the rain, if on the other side is where she is.

All people know love when they find it, even if none can define it.

I wrote the book on loss, what was and what could never be, 

somehow it is now.

She could have been another page, a drop in the bucket, still she stays.

Summer’s gone, it will be dark soon, 

clouds or stars my eyes are lit by a face.

All of us get lost, we need to discover who we are.

I was inside myself, she gave me reason to step out.

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2002: My Life In Poetry Form (Part 3) - Throwback Thursday

 

This is a weekly recurring series featuring five poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and mind were like at a certain age and show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. We return to 2002. I was 24 years old. The Quarter-Life Crisis was hitting hard and left me in a period of depression and reflection.

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Getting There And Passing By

Don’t ask me where I am going. Don’t ask me where I’ve been. I’m always between getting there and passing by, so I’m not sure where I am. Don’t think me unkind if the words don’t come out right. If I don’t have that much to say, I’ll break the wall and flood the beds someday. Don’t ask “Where are you going?” when I have no plans to move at all. Don’t speak over my breathing, it might be all the sound you get.

Don’t ask me what I want. Don’t ask me of all I wanted to be. My wishes are ripening on the branches, just waiting to be harvested. Don’t think me unworthy of all your secrets and promises. If you tell me slowly, I’ll understand. I’ll place the image in the front of my mind. Don’t ask “What do you want?” unless silence and confusion are what you wish. Don’t look through my eyes, or think through my mind, unless you’re ready to never come back.

Don’t ask me where I am going when I’m really nowhere at all. Don’t ask me where I’ve been when all I see is highway scenery whipping by my frightened eyes. If you feel betrayed by your own senses, you can feel what I’ve said. If you feel bought and sold with a body so old, you understand all the pain. If you have a map to everywhere but your roots have you chained, you can hear my words in your mind. Don’t ask me where I am going, unless everyone else stops moving. Don’t ask me where I’ve been, unless you’ve been living side by side in my life. Don’t ask me where I am going, unless you plan on taking me there.

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Of Heroes Lost

Sleep. Rest now, my friend. The hero has run out of miracles. No one was there to save him. Tell me why, then tell me again. Why do simple dreams have complicated ends? If I asked, would you let me feel your pain? If it’s not too much, I’ll wear your shoes for a while. For so long, I wished I could thank you, but the words are here too late.

Fly. Show us how important you are by going away. The hero who runs out of miracles is a hero no more. Nobody cares when you’re face down on the floor. Nobody cares when you can’t help them anymore. It’s the circle of life to be built and torn down again. Show me how, then show me again. How to make the seas part and the river’s bend. If I asked, would you let me be a pawn in your game? For so long, I wished I could see through your eyes, but the light has grown dark all around you.

Now my hero sleeps. All the gold he had was not the wealth he wanted. Sometimes I wish I could have let him see. Sometimes I wish we could’ve taken off for the sky and let himself be. A little piece of my life. My hero’s taken a little piece of my life since he’s gone. It’s a time now where a hero is hard to find. It’s a time when it’s hard to find. It’s so hard to find, well, whatever, nevermind...

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One True Thing

I don’t know what you want, 

I don’t know what you’re looking for.

I don’t know if you’ve had enough 

or if you want some more.

It’s been a while since I’ve asked you, 

guess it’s time I ask again.

Will you allow me to be there for you 

and love you until the end?

Questions are questions, always there for you to ask. If there’s an answer, search for it, I’ll try. The past is a shadow soon to fade in the day with a love that brings tears to your eyes. If you’re weak, I will carry you and never let go; if you’re tired, fall asleep in my arms. If you cry, I will hold you, and the things that I’ve told you will remain true every day. And I’ll sing you off into the night.

I don’t know what you need, I don’t know what’s in store.

I don’t know if the road is tough 

or if we’re drifting away from shore.

It’s been a while since I’ve asked you, 

guess it’s time I ask again.

Will you allow me to love you 

and hold you forever, my best friend?

Soon we will grow with so much more that we know, there’s time, if you ask, I will wait.

I won’t stand in the shadows if the sky starts to fall, if it tumbles, we’ll be sheltered from it all. If you’re cold, I will warm you; if you’re frightened, find safety in my arms. If you cry, I will hold you, and the things that I’ve told you will remain true every day. And I’ll stay with you until everything is all right.

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Sleepwalking

Sleepwalking through my day. Closed my eyes until all the thoughts went away. Sleepwalking through my night. So thirsty, but I can’t drink the wine. Sleepwalking through time. Days, minutes, hours, now a state of mind long forgotten. Sleepwalking through my life. It’s amazing how far you can go when you don’t know where you’re going. You just keep on walking.

Sleepwalking while I’m awake. Reaching into the darkness, trying to touch whatever’s there. Sleepwalking a long stretch of highway. Between dusk and sunset, my footsteps fall. Sleepwalking a thousand miles. A year feels like a day, a day feels like a dream I just can’t shake. You just keep on walking.

Sleepwalking through my day. Opened my eyes until the light burned the tears away. Sleepwalking through my night. So thirsty from drinking the wine. Sleepwalking through time. What does time mean anyway? Sleepwalking through my life. It’s amazing where you end up when you don’t know where you’re going.

You just keep on walking.

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2001: My Life In Poetry Form(Part 3) - Throwback Thursday

 

This is a weekly recurring series featuring five poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and mind were like at a certain age and show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. We return to 2001. I was turning 23 years old. I had returned to Cape Cod to Las Vegas and was trying to process that chapter of my life.

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Element

For so long I thought life was over. That the only thing I had left was getting older. Now I can see the light, breaking through where the clouds once held me. I can see the light shining down into the dark shadows where I lived my life. Have you ever forgotten to stop the pain? Like a leaking faucet where the drain is clogged, eventually it will spill over. Would you forget love if it hurt you so? Could you see light through the heartache? Now I can see the light and I believe it’s here to stay.

My love is solid, crack it, but it will not break. My love is forever, I can’t imagine being without it. It’s always been there, I just couldn’t see, it’s everywhere around me. In my everyday, everything I do, it’s the love that remains true. You’re my angel for what you’ve shown, my savior for bringing me closer to myself. I love you for who you are. 

I love you for what you’ve given me.

Have you ever looked in the mirror so tired of what you see? How can you give love if you can’t find it in you? Do you wish for a well where love flows and runs through your fingers? Where is it supposed to be, this everywhere love? It’s the love that I’ve found, that I can never lose. It’s the love I have that always there. My everywhere love is the love inside of me.

You may not have the most beautiful love, you may not have the strongest. But it can be all the beauty and strength you need if you believe in it. When your life is beautiful then you’ll find it’s love that made it so.

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Miles From Twilight

Remember when we were young? So fresh in our minds it seems so long ago now. We thought we knew it all, who we were, where we were going, why we were here. All that was new has grown older, all the bright lights lost some luster. Now our everything feels much smaller, and we don’t fit the shoes we used to wear. The questions outnumber the answers, the clear messages are cluttered with hang-ups and wrong numbers. I’d give anything to feel that way again, surrounded by the future, surrounded by friends. Sometimes I feel surrounded by mirrors and I don’t want to look up. Time heals wounds by taking the memory, losing who we knew and forgetting who we used to be. I’m just a fragment of a young imagination, that piece still searching the night for a lingering sensation. The passion for life once ran like wine, my throat is dry and the river is gone. Even as our soul’s children become adults we can’t give in, every drop of youth we keep is another day in our lives. No matter what they say, the numbers don’t mean a thing, deep within no words can take away. We aren’t in the sunset, miles from twilight, this yellow colored road is not golden just long and winding. It’s in our minds and only we know for sure, numbers will pile up even if we think we’ve had enough. But if we fight maybe we can win. If we push hard enough we can reverse this aging world’s spin.

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Right Now

Who can say when the world will end? Who knows which tomorrow could be the last? Who can say when this life will end? Do we still believe there is a door to forever waiting? Do we still believe in a better place? Right now I feel alive inside. No matter how dark it gets, the sun will rise again. Right now I feel I’m coming back together. No matter how hard, nothing will tear me apart again.

Who wants to tell a child there’s no tomorrow? Who will save us from what we’ve become? Who is the maker, the one who chooses when this life ends? Do we still believe? I believe it all comes down to belief. Any minute it could rain a plague, our water could fill with the blood of anger’s rage. So many buttons, so many fingers, so many questions, so few answers.

I feel there’s a weight, or is it a hand pushing down? I feel like I should struggle, but I’m frozen by sight and sound. Our dreams are falling from the sky, our identity now craters of loss. But right now we feel alive inside. Like a thousand wild horses running across the countryside. Right now I feel we’ve come together, but if we’re pulled hard enough, will they tear us apart?

Who can say what the future holds? No eyes can see that far. Whose faith runs so deep that it’s drowned their heart? I believe we shall overcome. Right now is when we need each other most. Right now the colors have faded away. No matter how large the chasms built up before, we can bridge them by extending our hands. The beauty of love shall overcome the hate.

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When I Misplace Myself

I don’t feel like I’m here today, guess my mind stayed sleeping today. If you fall in I’ll just swim away, I have an unconditional apathy today. I can’t touch what I usually feel, I don’t grasp truth and I can’t sense real, a day’s intellect washed off by an ignorant year, I have honest wandering eyes today. I don’t wanna talk about it, there’s nothing I can say, to stop this raging emptiness at least not for today. My heart’s still in the right place, but beats under a cloak of disillusion, my fingertips so numb and cold, these eyes see the unchanged face.

I don’t feel so smart today, stupidity filling a naive mind you could say. I can’t reach out, but I can feel in, and reach right through to the back of my skin. I can’t express the feelings I have now, sort of here, sort of there, and nowhere in between. I’m watching life pass through a glass bottle’s walls. Where is it going, is it leaving me behind? I can’t say if I’ve let go, I think I’m still holding on. I can’t say if I can give it up, I think I’ve lost control. You speak, I can’t make out the sound, beg and cry for all my wasted time. I tell you that I’m all right, I don’t think you swallow my lies. My heart’s still in the right place, a bit more out of reach today. My memories so numb and cold, your eyes don’t see the same face. Someday under paint brushed skies with sunstroke eyes a crack in the armor will set me free, just wait and see. I can’t feel an end, could you pick up where my thoughts left off? I haven’t time to feel sorry, the monotony these feelings bring, like a skipping record, I need someone to move my arm, dust me off. Don’t cry for my desolation, I’m still holding on, just need to stay strong and wait for the break in the armor.

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2000: My Life In Poetry Form(Part 3) - Throwback Thursday

 

This is a weekly recurring series featuring five poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and mind were like at a certain age and show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. We are returning to 2000, a new century. I was deep in the Quarter-Life Crisis, turning 22 years old, and moving from Cape Cod to Las Vegas, looking for a new life.

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Almost Free

Feeling like a stranger, feeling like an outcast in my own home. The scenery, once so beautiful, now turns dark, gray, and cold. Looks like a place I know, but I sense that I don’t belong. Inside myself these visions collect, slowly I digest them and painfully it all makes sense. Nothing is the same though I haven’t changed. Seems everyone is moving on, everything is moving away and I don’t know how to make it come back. Thought they’d ask if I were scared, nothing was the sound, guess they’ve forgotten I’m here. Stopped for a moment in a room I once believed to be my own, the life I know is sealed and packed away, suppose they think I’m gone. Did I sell my soul by choosing this path, is this purgatory, have I committed an unforgivable sin? Setting free the expectations, letting go of my frustrations, opens doors to the dreams I have to live by. The price I pay for peeling myself off these walls is my not-so-subtle isolation, a banishment to rinse me from their minds. Do I not exist, is another readying to step into my world here? In between said and done lies a lucid time bomb, ticking, ready to scatter these pieces of life I’ve collected in every direction. I can see the end growing large, a shadow so dark it swallows what it overtakes. Slowly, things I’ve known fall, some fight, some jump in, I’ve no alternative but to seek shelter deep in my own skin. A stranger to everyone but myself, when a connection inside is clear there’s no need for codependency. This I see, that which once was real, I can erase from my slate, and fill it again new and far from here. Just sand running through the hourglass, so my chapter ends, there’s more to life than just one sad story, many more will be written, and soon enough my hourglass will turn over again.

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Desert Sky

You’re going fast, cause you’ve got somewhere to go. It won’t last, all you hold in your hand soon will pass. You’re catching up, but the scenery pulls further away. You’ve been stoned, but you’re only high in your imagination. Looking dumb, looking up to see what’s falling down on you. The waves of blinking lights hypnotize you into thinking everything’s all right. But in the day the lights fade and you’re feeling like a funeral parade. It’s sinking in, overheating from the cold air. The bluest eyes and clasping hands speak to whoever’s there. The desert sky doesn’t blink or wave it only hides the night. The desert sky gives you faith in your unborn wings and hope that you can fly. The desert sky will trade your gold for magic beans but there’s no rain for them to grow. The desert sky, oh my the desert sky will never cry.

You come back down when it’s convenient for you. The words are so false but you try to pain them true. Aiming so high but you’re digging for love with a plastic spoon. Riding the wind but time’s got you down on your knees. On the road but it feels like it’s on you, under your own feet and floating over your head. Sing notes with passing clouds, wondering how it got so loud. Cover your ears cause you fear what it’s saying. Washed clean by a rainbow’s tears, the uphill climb to regaining those years. The desert sky is what you’ve been missing. That cool breeze you’re kissing on that stretch of road you’re wishing. The desert sky won’t ever leave once you know its name. The desert sky breathes fire like a devil could it be they’re one and the same? The desert sky, oh my the desert sky will never cry.

If you couldn’t open your eyes what would you see? If you lived alone would you really be free? If you broke the chains would you still be a prisoner? If you had a million dollars, would you really be rich? If you had fame and fortune, would you truly be happy? If you lived forever, would you be forever young? Sometimes we think we need it all to survive when we need just enough. Just enough to survive under the desert sky.

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Rebirth of An Enigmatic Soul

I feel free, I feel alive, standing tall with arms outstretched and electricity flowing from my fingertips. I move like a cloud over the asphalt ground. The warm air smells fresh, I believe there’s a change coming on, now I can embrace its beautiful touch. A perfect balance of heaven and earth washes together, giving glimmers of hope to the saddest souls. It shows how high we can be lifted, the gift of witnessing how the world should always be. Life is now, love’s eternal light shining, this dream is real.

Only now is all peaceful and calm. The wind brushes by like an enigmatic soul, in a whisper tumbling over the shadowed green hills. It catches flight on wings of butterflies and carries them off across the newborn forest floor. Sun-ripened beauty fills each once lonely branch. I feel the hands caress my face and I’m flying. A rebirth of youth has occurred, I feel strong, I feel alive. Floating like a feather fallen from an angel’s wing, the centerpiece of an unreal scene. A painting only possible in the deepest undisturbed cleansing dreams.

Am I asleep? If so let me stay this way. If I’m awake can it always be like this? The peace outside builds inside my mind. The surreal clichés only used before in fiction, come to life around me and in my eyes. At least right now, if only momentarily, all my wildest dreams and fantasies are fulfilled.

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Sour Annie

Oh my dear Annie, you walk with a swagger, a cross between heaven and sin.

And when you speak, your tongue pierces me, a silver sword to my heart.

I can’t catch my breath, you’re above all the rest.

But you play with me like a ball of string. Unravel me for your pleasure, knot me up to keep me from slipping out of your hands.

Why are you so cruel, why is your heart cold?

Who makes your eyes shine, what makes you sing, where is the antidote for the sorrow you bring?

Well Annie, I’ve done all I can, now I’ve got to walk.

Sorry, sour Annie, girl, I was just trying to reach you...

Don’t put the blame on me, you’ve done all this before.

Don’t put the blame on me, I wanted to reach you but you pulled away.

I wanted once to look in your eyes and see straight into your mind.

I don’t think anyone can see that far in the darkness.

What’s that you say, wanting my help as the steel meshes in with your skin.

What’s that you want, a hand to hold, to bite off my fingers.

Sorry Annie, don’t wanna be you.

Sour Annie, wanna be in you.

Come on Annie, come on and punch a hole in the sky.

Tired of reaching, now gotta push you away.

Girl, I just wanted to reach you...

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