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Showing posts with label confidence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label confidence. Show all posts

Monday, July 27, 2026

Initial Impressions 2.0 Blog #131: Finding Balance, Traffic Sandwich, Somewhere New, etc.




1. My life over the last few years has been a constant push and pull. I am always caught in between working as much and as hard as I can on creative projects, trying to build a better life, and stopping, relaxing, and trying to appreciate all that I do currently have. I feel as though if I work too much, the important things in life, like family, friends, and enjoying every moment I get on earth, will slip by. On the other hand, I feel as though if I stop and relax too much, the opportunities that are flowing around me like fish in a stream will also get away. This push-pull keeps me motivated and engaged, but it also can get exhausting. I feel like a few times a week I am stopping and asking myself in which direction I am leaning too much. As of this writing, I feel like I am leaning too far into the working side. As soon as I think that, though, I can picture the projects I want to work on or start to work on, and it pulls me back the other way. There has to be a happy medium. I want to find the balance between work and being present for those who truly matter. That is probably the true secret to happiness in life.


2. I wish burning calories was as easy as my Fitbit made it seem this week. Monday Runday was another fun one. 4 total miles on a perfect afternoon weather-wise. I track my runs using both my Fitbit and Map My Run, the running app I’ve been using since 2011. Most of the time, the numbers on both don’t match. Typically, my distance is less on the Fitbit because it tracks distance based on arm movement. If I run relaxed, I don’t swing my arms as much as I’d do when walking. Then again, my calorie burn is typically higher on the Fitbit because it tracks calories based on my heart rate, while the running app does not have that connection. That being said, the difference in calories burned between the two trackers is usually not that far off. This week it was insanity. Map My Run had me at 508 calories after running 4 miles. That’s a good, pretty accurate number. The Fitbit? It had me somehow burning 3,111 calories over the same distance. Yes, 6x as many calories. Obviously this was a glitch. I hope it’s not a sign of an issue with the Fitbit. If you were wondering, yes, I have burned over 3,000 calories in a single run. It was while running a marathon, a full 26.2 miles. During that, I burned over 3,500 calories. Like I said, I wish burning calories was as easy as running 4 miles, at a relatively easy pace, and instantly getting rid of over 3,000 calories.


3. You never know how something you do will affect others. This week I got a comment on Spotify for my podcast. It was from someone who said they found my GenX nostalgia podcast in the last month or so. They have been suffering through a bout of severe depression and said that my podcast is one of the bright spots in their lives. They said they look forward to it each week. It ended with them saying if I ever wonder if my show makes a difference, they wanted me to know that it matters a lot. Being someone who has battled their share of depression throughout my life, I know how important having something that makes you feel ‘normal’ is. I always joke on the show to lean into the things that make you happy, like favorite people, foods, and of course podcasts. I am humbled and grateful that my show actually does help someone feel like they’re escaping their depression even briefly. Things like that comment only strengthen my determination to keep creating the best content I can, whether it’s podcasts, blogs, videos, or books. Ironically, that comment brightened my mood in the way they said my podcast does for them. Of course, here’s the link if you want to listen to my show: In My Footsteps Podcast


4. Heavy rain and summer combine on Cape Cod to make a traffic sandwich. One day this week, a line of heavy thunderstorms rolled through the Cape in the late afternoon. Now, I could have probably looked at the traffic on Google Maps and decided to take a different route, but come on, then I wouldn’t have as much to write about. So I took a longer route that took me past a supermarket with a good selection in their deli. That right there was all it took to tempt me. The trip to the supermarket was fine. Only when I started home on the main road, Route 28, did I realize my error. It was bumper-to-bumper traffic as the skies opened up. A trip that typically takes me roughly 30 minutes took me closer to 55, with the majority of that being after I left the supermarket. Eventually I just had to throw my hands up and accept it. Luckily, I had a good podcast on, so it kept me from going crazy. At least I didn’t have any left-hand turns to try to make; I might still be stuck in traffic as you read this.



5. This week ended up being a huge boost to my confidence. I mentioned the really nice comment about my podcast. When I shared it on social media, I was blown away by the nice comments and messages. I had total strangers telling me that my content has helped them navigate hard times. I had people remark about my outlook on life in general, which I was thrilled to hear. It continued with my boss putting me over for my work as a trainer. The irony was that the only area he felt I needed work on was my confidence. This week is a great help. It concluded with what I will talk about next, but I will just say thank you to everyone who sent nice comments. Those messages make me feel that what I am doing and how I am living are how they should be.


6. The great week continued with a really fun author event at the Dennis Public Library. As per usual, I got there about 45 minutes early. I get there early to make sure that nothing goes wrong in my setup. It stems from an event many years ago at the Cotuit Library. For that event, I got stuck in summer traffic. This had me arriving at the event about 5 minutes before showtime. I walked in, and the room was full, which was great, but I felt it made me look unprofessional for showing up so close to the start. On top of that, once I got set up, there were issues with the projector and the show began late. For every event since that one, I make it a point to get there super early. The funny part is that I haven’t had any issues, so I just end up standing around waiting for people to show up.


7. As for the event itself, it was a great gathering. I enjoy speaking about Cape Cod history in connection to me being a 12th-generation Cape Codder. The sounds of reacting to each of the 12 different stories I shared never gets old. I could have done without one person who interjected themselves into the presentation a little too much, but it wasn’t malicious, so I let it slide. I did have to interrupt a bit to move the presentation along, though. It’s not lost on me that I was, and to a degree still am, an introvert. Being a public speaker and doing it confidently and comfortably is something I have worked at for years. I have another event coming up in the fall, but this was the last for the summer since I need to keep the rest of summer free for things to do with my upcoming film. Thank you to everyone who came out to my Dennis event; it was a lot of fun.



8. The biggest joy of that event was the family element. Not only did my mom and sister Ashley come out, but my cousins Dale and Richard did as well. This was very special. My mom and Dale hadn’t seen each other in close to 40 years since my mom and biological father got divorced in the early 1980s. Dale specifically asked if my mom would go to the event and to tell her because she would want to go. I am sure she and Richard would have come anyway, but my mom’s appearance made it a must-see event. This is where the final piece of my week of building confidence came to a conclusion. Doing a good show in front of family is one thing, but having Dale tell my mom that a big reason she came to the show was to be able to tell my mom face to face how proud she was to be related to me was almost overwhelming. Dale and Richard are my 2nd cousins on my father’s side. I don’t have relationships with many on that side of the family for various reasons. Having family from my paternal side be so supportive and kind and loving is even more important to me at this point in life when I don’t have, or want, a relationship with my biological father. My hope is that it is not a one-time thing and that my mom and Dale, and more of us in the family, can get together for gatherings going forward. If my author event is the conduit to that, then it truly was one of my best.


9. Going to a place I’ve never been to on Cape Cod is increasingly difficult. Sure, technically I could go to some random side road, but that’s not what I mean. This week I bit the bullet and went to check out the Cape Cod Rail Trail extension into Hyannis. This is the furthest western point of the famed bike path, which extends on the eastern end through Wellfleet. What makes it interesting is that it is part of a larger extension. There is probably 1.5 miles or so of new trail in Yarmouth that winds through woods behind Bayberry Hills golf course. It ends at Willow Street, which is a pretty busy road. Then directly across is another roughly 1.5-mile stretch of newly paved trail ending near Independence Park, the back way to the busy business section of Hyannis. The problem is that in the middle there will eventually be a bridge connecting the two sections, but that likely is quite a way away from being put in. I had to drive around to the other end of the trail on Mary Dunn Road. They are beginning to build a parking lot there, but of course it’s also likely to take ages to be finished. Luckily, there is literally one spot to park next to where the parking lot is being built. Since that section of road is really quiet, I knew it would be open, and it was. Having never left my car in that area, I just hoped that it would be there when I got back.


10. The run itself on the trail was sunny, warm, and very hilly. My friend Mike, of Monday Runday fame, told me it was hilly, but I needed to experience it. The trail hugged the highway on one side and the airport on the other, so there was a hum of activity. It was an interesting contrast with the fact that I saw absolutely no other people on the trail. Obviously nobody in their right mind is going to cross the busy Willow Street from the other side, and since I took the only parking spot at the other end, I shouldn’t have been surprised. One thing I found was that this Hyannis stretch of trail has little, if any, shade. Running up hills with no shade made me feel like I had taken a shower in my clothes. In total, it was 3 miles of new trail I ran. This meant that as of that run, I had been on every bit of every bike path on Cape Cod. Of course, 3 miles wasn’t enough for me. I extended my run by going down Mary Dunn Road, past where I parked, and to the backside of the airport. Despite waiting for a few minutes, no planes landed or took off. On the way back, I took a detour to Mary Dunn Pond, a spot I had never seen before. It was serene and filled with wildflowers. All in all, it was a perfect afternoon of new sights and exercise. Yes, I made sure to create a video to capture it and to share.



11. Where I live, there is a little puffball of a bunny that lives inside a bush that envelops the front light. I see it almost daily, especially near dusk when it sits near the bush eating clover and grass. Cute, right? Yes, but also there is a dark side. You see that little puffball is rightfully skittish around anything it perceives as a predator. That includes people. I have never tried to approach it or domesticate it. What the bunny does, though, is take off running when I get near. Most of the time this occurs while I am coming up the walkway to the front door. The bunny will be somewhere in the front bushes. I can’t see it, but it sees me. Rather than hiding and hoping I pass by, it invariably comes charging out of the bushes to get away. You can imagine my surprise when it’s a quiet evening, and suddenly this puffball comes dashing out and scaring the hell out of me. I have taken to jingling my car keys when I come up the walkway to flush it out before it can give me a heart attack. I can see it now: I drop dead in the yard, and I am found with that little bunny sitting on my chest eating grass like a hitman.


12. The past month, maybe 6 weeks, have seen me running more consistently than I have since I had a bad sprain of the left ankle last summer playing basketball. There was a time, especially over the winter, when I felt like running at all was going to be a thing of the past. About 2 months ago, a few things came up that started making positive changes. First was my boss, Dr. Mike, testing out that left ankle and recommending a strap to wear right below my left knee. This would help keep my lower leg stable. After that, one day I was sitting and thinking about the things I did when I was at my peak as a runner. What did I do then that I could bring back now? I started taking more than the recommended dosage of glucosamine, a supplement for joint health. It took a few weeks of the strap and glucosamine, but I started slowly adding running back into my workouts. In the past 2 weeks, I have consistently run 5 miles in under an hour. It’s nothing like what I did at my peak, but it’s slowly getting better each time. I liken this recent return to running to getting back together with an ex. Things feel familiar, but now you have learned the things you can and can’t do. Okay, maybe it’s not quite like that, but I am happy with how things have gone in the last several weeks.


13. While out for a run this week, I saw a guy ‘walking’ his two dogs. One was on a leash, and another was not. Already this guy can’t figure out if he wants to obey leash laws or be a selfish, entitled dog owner. The dog that was off-leash was barely the size of a football, and the one that was leashed was only slightly larger. My opinion is that if you have a dog you can fit in a shoebox or a purse, or could be plucked from the yard by a large bird, then you don’t have a real dog. A real dog should be able to protect you from intruders, not be stuffed into a microwave with room to spare.


Friday, December 31, 2021

In My Footsteps: My 2021

 

    2021 is over. This year was less about resolutions and attempts to better my life and more about surviving until the bell rang. Will 2022 be any different? I’d like to think so. Is that naïve optimism? Perhaps. I can only speak of things in terms of my own life.

    As Jay-Z said “There’s much bigger issues in the world, I know, but I first had to take care of the world I know.” I’d love to think that 2022 ends the Covid pandemic as the number of vaccinated continues to rise and this in turn allows us to go back to life as we saw it in 2019. However that is not something I can change, so all I can do is hope family and friends are protected and the rest of the world is what it is.



    That being said 2022 has to be better than 2021 and definitely 2020. For me this comes down to changes I’ve made in life and seeds that were planted and are ready to be harvested. Farmers plant crops, not in the expectation of immediate gratification, but on the hopes that it they take the time and care to cultivate that a bountiful harvest will come there way in time. Life is more fine dining rather than fast food, you need to be patient for something good. This is how I feel.

    I look back 365 days to what life was and how bleak things felt. I worked in an unfulfilling job, a highly toxic work environment. It was loaded with people who were either unqualified or undeserving of the positions they held, some were both. There were no available Covid vaccinations yet. This meant that it was virtually impossible to visit my dying grandmother at the nursing home but for standing outside of her window. I had only recently quit alcohol and could easily fall off the wagon due to depression. I felt stuck.

    In March when my Nina passed I was at a turning point. The stress and unhappiness at work led me to take my own mental health into consideration. I gave my notice despite having no backup plan and it being in the midst of a pandemic. I hoped that if I bet on myself something better would come my way.



    Eventually it did. I was able to find a job back in personal training which is far more fulfilling. It turns out this job is one of those planted seeds I’ve mentioned. Likely in the spring of 2022 a new small-group training facility is opening as part of the place I work. It was not mentioned when I first got the job and was an extra bonus that showed me I was in the right place.

    This job is also bringing me back to center when it comes to my own mental health, physical well-being, and overall view of myself in the wider world. Having a boss and coworkers that are knowledgeable, positive, and supportive, allows one to not only do the job for others, but to do the job of fixing what’s broken within yourself. It has been a slow climb in the second half of 2021 with big things planned and hoped for in 2022 at least when it comes to me as a person.

    For those that know me, family, friends, even loyal podcast listeners, I have been up front about mental health and dilemmas in my own life. I have hoped that it might inspire others, or at least let them know that the issues they are dealing with are more common than they think.  One thing I have been leaning into is the fact that I am in control of my own life, my own narrative, my own happiness.  I cannot, and you should not, allow anyone else's negativity dim your shine.



    The main thing I can say is that even when things are at their worst, and it feels like you’re just fumbling around in the dark hoping to find a light switch, just keep moving forward. Sometimes you’ve planted seeds to be harvested without even realizing it. For me I had two new book opportunities come in 2021 based around previous works. I was not looking for new projects as of yet and they found me. These projects, a photography book and a true crime book, will see the day in late 2022 to maybe early 2023. They both came out of nowhere. This is why I try to be as good a person as I can and treat others with as much respect and kindness as I can. These good karma acts might get repaid when you least expect it.

    When it comes to the last three years, 2019-2021, I am not special. I am not unique in the fact that I have had problems, or tragedies befall me. I am not alone in having goals and dreams I wish to achieve and being forced to go through trials and tribulations, a virtual war of attrition to prove I really want them. What I am doing is sharing my own story to let others know that it’s okay to trip and fall down. It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to have times where you feel like the tiniest grain of sand on the tiniest island in the largest ocean. What’s not okay though is to have that be what defines you.



    I lost my Grampa who was my hero. I developed a drinking problem to cope with it. I attempted to switch jobs right before Covid struck and ended up stuck in a terrible situation. I became a stress eater after giving up alcohol. I lost my Nina, my last remaining grandparent. I’ve had major crises of confidence and waves of depression. But you know what? I am still here. I am still standing and that fact alone gives me hope.

    I am optimistic and approaching 2022 with the best of intentions. You may not have had the same problems as me but we all get this symbolic clean slate. Will all of my seeds I’ve played lead to bountiful crops? Likely no, but I won’t know for sure until the time has passed. That is how we all must looks at things. You won’t know if things don’t work out until after, but like Henry Ford said: “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

    When it comes to 2022, I think I can. So let’s go.

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Be sure to check out my website: Christopher Setterlund.com

Zazzle Store: Cape Cod Living