Chris Unfiltered: Episode 3 - Parallel Calls, Heat Waves, and Life’s Curveballs

Television Show Episode: "Chris Unfiltered"

Title: Parallel Calls, Heat Waves, and Life’s Curveballs
Genre: Comedy/Drama
Logline: Chris navigates bizarre phone calls, jury duty frustrations, and nostalgic heat wave memories while pondering life's strange synchronicities and pop culture oddities.

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Act 1: The Call from the Future

Chris receives a call from a number identical to his, save for the area code. He humorously speculates, “Was it me from the future with tonight’s lottery numbers? No such luck.” His imagination runs wild as he playfully contemplates the possibilities before moving on with his day.

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Act 2: Independence Day Eerie Sync

On the Fourth of July, Chris and his friends watch Independence Day while listening to Pandora. The song “Hallelujah” plays just as the alien ships start obliterating cities. “It synced so perfectly, it was eerie,” Chris recounts to his friends, who agree it was both chilling and oddly beautiful.

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Act 3: Shake-Weight Shenanigans

At the gym, Chris notices someone using a Shake-Weight. With his usual wit, he comments to a friend, “It’s basically a vibrating dumbbell. Watching someone use it is… provocative. Check out the ads, you’ll see what I mean.” They both chuckle at the absurdity of the product.

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Act 4: Jury Duty Blues

Chris recounts his recent jury duty experience, complete with a cheesy instructional video reminiscent of Troy McClure’s from The Simpsons. “Got up earlier than for work, drove an hour in 95-degree heat, and got sent home by 10:30. I was steamed! I wanted a trial just to fry someone.” His friends laugh at his misfortune, sympathizing with the universal dread of jury duty.

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Act 5: Internet Gold and Sports Lament

Chris shares his latest YouTube find: Drinking Out of Cups. “It’s the most random, funniest three minutes you’ll see. Guy locked in a closet tripping on acid—hilarious!” He also discusses the “Please Stay, LeBron” song from Cleveland. “Sad, funny, and filled with local ‘celebrities.’ Smart move, Drew Carey, staying out of it.”

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Act 6: Celebrity Scandals and Personal Loss

Chris touches on Lindsay Lohan’s jail sentence. “Part of me says ‘good, maybe she’ll smarten up.’ Another part feels bad—our society loves to build people up just to tear them down.” He shifts to a more somber note, visiting his late Nana’s house. “It’s been six months, but it still hurts. Change often feels like loss.”

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Act 7: Local Characters and Aging Realizations

Chris recounts spotting a familiar local character possibly with Tourette’s wandering the main street, humorously comparing him to his gym’s chinless regular from Episode 1. Later, buying beer without being carded, he reflects, “Cool until I realized the grey in my beard isn’t helping me look young.”

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Act 8: Retro Impressions - The Heat Wave of 2002

In a new segment called “Retro Impressions,” Chris recalls a landscaping job during a heat wave in 2002. “Digging a 6-foot ditch in Sagamore, 100 degrees, no water—saw purple spots by the end. Got home for a cold shower, felt like Andre the Giant was bearhugging me. Heat exhaustion? Probably. Fun? Definitely not.”

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Tagline:
“Chris delivers unfiltered takes on life’s oddities, blending humor with heartfelt reflections.”

Check out Chris Unfiltered: Episode 2 

Initial Impressions 2.0 #19: Unknown Savings, Jury Duty, Parking Lot Musician, etc.

1. I frequent 2 supermarkets, Stop & Shop and Shaw’s. Both have rewards programs you can enter that include savings on gas. Ironically, I only routinely use the points I get through Stop & Shop. The other day I finally thought I should check Shaw’s points and see what I could do with them. It turns out that I had enough to get 70 cents a gallon off of gas. I filled my tank for a shade over $20. I guess it pays to never check your rewards points.

2. Within an hour of driving on Cape Cod on Memorial Day Weekend I was already begging for Labor Day. From the lady screaming at me to pull out of a parking lot, despite there being a car directly in my way. Oh sure lady I’ll just broadside this car so you can get to the dollar store 2 seconds faster. A man driving ahead of me also decided it would be nice to randomly slam on his brakes to let someone make a left turn. Never mind the fact that there were no cars behind me so that same car would have been turning 2 seconds later. I know it’s not all tourists, but the number of idiots naturally goes up with the number of overall people who come to the Cape to visit.

3. Does anyone know if it’s illegal to drive your car down along the power lines? I’m talking about those dirt areas directly underneath the rows of poles that extend at least a few hundred yards. I cut through this one power lines pathway on my runs and saw a random SUV parked in the middle of this area with some guy sitting in a chair outside of it. Not sure if it’s against the law or anything but it was definitely weird and suspicious to me.

4. In the warmer months I could wash my car daily and it would still never be clean. First, because it’s a white car so it shows all the dirt. Second because the parking spot I have where I live is under some trees. This leaves the car susceptible to sap, pollen, bird poop, and even bug poop. I’d invest in one of those car covers but I feel like it would take less time to wash my car daily than to take that on and off.

5. I’m terrible at keeping in touch with people who mean the most to me. I fully admit that. It’s something I am trying to work on, including picking one person to text and check in with each day. However I also realize that telephones and email work both ways, so when I see, or don’t see, those same people reaching out to me I don’t feel quite as bad.

6. Walking through the supermarket freezer section I happened upon new Totino’s Breakfast Bites. They are basically pizza rolls just with eggs/sausage, etc inside. I’ve loved pizza rolls since I was a kid so it was only natural that I let out an audible grunt/moan of excitement when I saw them. The only problem? They come in boxes of 40. Meaning I’d eat all of them in one sitting for sure. Had to pass, for now.

7. I had my latest jury duty adventure this week. It started when I got my summons in the mail last week. Immediately I went on the website to try to postpone it only to be stopped since the current date WAS my postponed date from last year, so booo #1. The next thing I had to do was cancel my training clients for that day. I couldn’t take the chance of being called in for the jury and having clients show up to my work, but I was not there, so booo #2. Then I just said the hell with it and took the entire day off from my job. Of course at 5pm the day before I was supposed to have jury duty I got the email that I didn’t have to go in, so booo #3, but also I had an extra day off to do work on the podcast, videos, and this blog, so it’s a small yay.

8. I don’t know what it says about where I live on Cape Cod but there has been a bicycle leaning up against a tree outside of the gym I go to for about a year. No exaggeration, this blue bike has sat there for that long. Nobody has claimed it, nobody has taken it. It’s almost like it’s an experiment to see how long it will stay there before someone claims it as their own. I finally got around to snapping a photo of it, so now watch it’ll be gone before the next blog goes up.

Been there for a year

9. Sitting in the middle of a Stop & Shop parking lot I saw a man who appeared to be playing a saxophone. He had a sign asking for donations. The only problem was that the music he was playing also had drums, bass, etc in it but nobody playing those instruments. Also his ‘saxophone’ looked more like a Casio keyboard. Now I’m not saying he wasn’t actually playing a sax along with a pre-recorded beat, I don’t know since I didn’t care enough to go over and scrutinize his music. That would have cost me at least a $5 in his jar.

10. Irrelevant thing that I think about too much. Is Louisville pronounced Loo-eee-ville, or Loo-uh-ville? The person’s name Louis is pronounced Loo-ee, not Loo-uh. But I’m not from there so I don’t know the proper pronunciation. Much like people who come to Massachusetts and can’t pronounce Worcester, Leominster, Peabody, or Quincy. The most egregious one I ever heard was someone who pronounced Hyannis as Hay-nis. Like, really? The only thing heinous was their stupidity.

11. Product Review: I tried the Levia Dream Seltzer, it’s cannabis-infused. It was Jam Berry in flavor and for mellowing out. It tasted like a good raspberry/blackberry mix. I enjoyed it, the dispensary I went to said it’s smooth and mellow because it’s not super potent with THC. Although they did say if you chug it you might get hit a little harder. I spent an hour drinking it and felt great. I need controlled doses of any cannabis. If I smoke I go from ‘this is fun’ to ‘oh no this is an ordeal now’ in a flash. So drinks and edibles are the way to go for me. So yeah, if you like weed drinks grab one. Here is their website: Levia Cannabis-Infused Seltzer