2006 - 2020: My Life In Poetry Form - Throwback Thursday

 

This is a recurring series featuring five poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and mind were like at a certain age and show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. We will cover the years from 2006 through 2020. I was staring down 30 and began working on ebooks. Eventually, this led to 9 published books. It meant that my poetry days were far fewer. That said, there are still some great works to share.

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Emerald Eyes

My breaking point is my waking point.

The dream like your emerald eyes, was too good to be true.

Hoping and wishing but I don’t get through.

Can’t go on living my life around you.

I felt so much so deeply, but now I won’t cry.

A cast away on a desert isle, I’ll be living in solitude for a while.

C’mon baby, gimme what I need, prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.

C’mon baby now don’t you cry,

this is the point where I say goodbye.

C’mon baby I got what you need,

love to satisfy you if you know what I mean.

C’mon baby it’s time you know, this is the point where I let you go.

Tried making a point I couldn’t get to the point.

You should have known but didn’t have a clue.

The velvet skies, your perfect disguise, I feel older but not wise.

You will never know how far I’d have run,

moving in slow motion, the scenery is losing focus.

Angel soft skin, where should I begin.

Sail off to the open sea, because my will is growing thin.

Hurt raining down on me, guess I’ll love alone because love is a sin.

Raise the white flag for there is no way to win.

C’mon baby, gimme what I need, prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.

C’mon baby, chased you for too long,

this is the point where I move on.

C’mon baby, I got what you need,

love to satisfy you if you know what I mean.

C’mon baby it was you all along, there is no point only the release here in this song.

I loved you so deeply but time will wash you away.

The winter sun is gone and now I close my eyes,

breaking down for a little while.

Feeling love should not be wrong, if inside you feel it’s right.

Emerald eyes hiding lies behind a thinly veiled loving disguise.

Overwhelming beauty, I didn’t realize.

It’s the beauty that I fear, it’s the beauty that’s the prize.

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To Be In Love

How does it feel to be in love? It is something I thought I had known.

It’s a little more when you’ve had enough, and it’s a little less when you’re alone.

How does it feel to love and lose? How can you hide it so it’s not stolen away?

It’s a little more free when you’re locked up,

love finds you when you’re looking the other way.

How does it feel to be in love? The feelings, just seedlings, until the sun is shown.

It’s a little magic when you don’t believe,

and a lot of hurt when it decides to leave.

I’ve made my mistakes, given all it could take. Some were real, most were fake.

I’d die for it, and give all I have for a moment in it.

I could live with the end if I could just begin it.

How does it feel to be alone? You’re just finding out everyone has gone.

It’s a little more empty in a wide open space,

and a little more lonely when it’s looking you in the face.

How does it feel to look and wait? Is it still too early, or already too late?

It’s a little more words with a lot less to say,

and a little more gone when you expect it to stay.

How does it feel to say you love someone and feel the cold from the other side?

How can you give and give so much ignoring your head and your pride?

How is the fight for it worth the pain, when there are never guarantees?

You want her but can’t find her because she doesn’t care where you’ll be.

But I’ve lived my life right, been alone in the night. Sometimes I give up and sometimes I fight. But I keep looking and asking because I need to know.

How does it feel to be in love?

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1,000 Days

Woke up, from a dream of 1,000 days

Brushed away the fog of a mirror and a mind in a haze

Ice cold water, the sun in my eyes, I finally saw my face

Peel away the layers, wash away the years, reclaim your place

Feel something when you have nothing, 

numb when your fingers are on everything

Bent to fit another’s mold, when like water, you find your own path

Watch the events unfold, like living inside another’s life

Determined to let the day pass by, resigned it’s all by design

Woke up, from a journey of a million miles

Mountains and valleys, standing solo against the rising tides

Reached through fire and ice in the darkness of trials

In an ocean of uncertainty floating on a raft of denial

1,000 days and 1,000 more

One step closer to my hand on the door

A million miles in every inch and one second takes a year

The clock strikes midnight and tomorrow is here

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Quiet, So Loud

Inside a vault in a hurricane, quiet so loud

Screaming sirens, blood curdling silence, quiet so loud

Slow motion shatter, closing eyes, constant chatter

One voice rises above the crowd, yours in your mind, quiet so loud

Foggy reflection does the mirror proud

Running from, holding on, setting sun, breaking dawn

Damaging the honor, quiet so loud

Each word is a chapter, each day a thousand years

Dirty nails, scratching the surface, up from underneath

Immortal, immobile, untethered, untouchable, 

quiet so loud like raindrops on the ground

Words scrawled on the mirror proud

Tornado in a mailbox, quiet so loud

Burdened by fire of the red sunrise

Frozen by the chills of a moonless sky

One voice rises from all around, yours in my mind, quiet so loud

In your honor, quiet so loud

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2006: My Life In Poetry Form - Throwback Thursday

 

This is a recurring series featuring five poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and mind were like at a certain age and show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. This is 2006. I was 28 years old. An important relationship was over. An attempted move to New Orleans failed. An actual move to Florida failed. This all had a profound impact on my writing.

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Everything I’ve Got

I don’t know if you’ve got another man. Maybe he’s got you by the hand. I don’t know if you’re afraid to let it go, afraid that you’ll be left all alone. I know that you’ve been trying so hard, to fix what’s wrong, find where you belong. So close you’ve come to falling apart, one tear away from ending where you start. I don’t have money. I don’t have a car. I am no superman, but I’ll be there for you wherever you are. I don’t always say what’s on my mind, but next to you I feel the butterflies. Can I say I love you? If I need you is that okay? Can I tell you that you’re beautiful and that you brighten every day? Can I say if you give me just one chance I’ll give you everything I’ve got in every way?

I know you’ve got a busy life. I know you don’t have time to be a girlfriend or be a wife. I know you’ve been trying to solve all the world’s problems in your spare time, trying to turn salt water into wine. You think you’ve got the answer, but then the questions change. The same old house gets lonely sometimes no matter how much it’s rearranged. I don’t have money. I don’t know where I am going. I don’t have a fancy name, but with you, I’ll always know where home is. Can I say I love you? If I need you is that okay? Can I tell you that you’re my angel and that you brighten every day? Can I say if you give me just one chance I’ll give you everything I’ve got in every way.

I know we’ve got a long road to go, so many things we need to plant and let grow. There’s so much standing in our way, but I’d push it aside for you any day. You’re the one I searched for before I knew what I was looking for. You’re the one I’ll build a house of love for and carry you in my arms through the door. Can I hold you in my arms for a while? Can I do whatever it takes to make you smile? Can I tell you that I’ll be there for you and make you believe it’s true? Can we walk down this lonely road together, and hold hands through the sun and rainy weather? I don’t have money, I don’t have all the answers, but I’ll love you like I’m the richest man on earth. I am no Superman, I can’t leap the tallest heights, but I’ll hold you close during the cold winter nights. Let my love be your light. Let my arms be your shelter. Let my breath give you life. Let my kiss make everything better. Can I say I love you? If I need you is that okay? Can I tell you that you’re beautiful and that you brighten every day? Girl if you give me just one chance I’ll give you everything I’ve got in every way.

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Wish For Me

Wish for me a love that I can hold on to forever, a love that grows when we’re apart and strengthens when we’re together. Dream for me a place to stay inside your love while you’re away, and in that place, I will remain forever. Sing for me a lullaby, words so sweet they make me cry, the joy that I feel will not be restrained. Hold me in your arms so tight, that I’ll feel your touch in the dark of night.

Wish for me a love that I can grow old with, a love that is unblinking and true. Build me up as you want me to be, help me become all I can be, and make me feel worthy of someone like you. Dream for me a way home, where all I’ve hoped for becomes all I know. Show me how you did become, an angel in my heart when I thought I was gone, in the blink of my blue eyes I was saved. Sing for me that song you know, the words don’t matter if you sing it slow, the breath you give is a miracle to me. Hold my head in your hands so you’re all that I see, whisper in my ear all you say I will believe.

Wish me up from where I’m lying, you healed my mind when I was dying, you’ve got me blinded without trying, can’t hold back, there’s no denying, the dreams of you keep multiplying. Wish for me a love that I can hold on to forever, the only love I want in the world is the love of that beautiful girl.

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What You Hide

If I didn’t love you how would I feel? If I could answer honestly what would I say? Am I nobody, too blind for you to see? If I had an idea what you were about would it change my mind? Woman, if you listened at all would you finally hear me? Talk over my words, I’m silent and you are deaf. Breathe through my whispers, I’m invisible and you are blind. If I didn’t love you could I take anymore? When you look do you see through me? You don’t see me at all. If I thought one word could make a difference which would I choose? Do I even have a choice when I watch your hair come down? It’s something no one understands, but they all have felt it before. Dancing and moving through each other like two ends of the same line. I keep asking myself why, then come running back for more. You make a fool of me with a shake of your hips. You drop a shot below the belt when you pucker up your lips. At night I pray for an answer, each day I hope to hear. There’s a time and a place for everything and I hope it’s coming near. If you weren’t in my life, if I could have stayed away, would I feel any better or worse than I feel today? If I could see outside myself would I like what I saw in my eyes? If I could see through yours could I unmask the fears that you hide? If I weren’t a fool for you what would be left for me?

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Paliana

Paliana was just a dream to me, a beautiful face thought I’d never see. Paliana was just a dream to me, until the day she walked through my door, on that day my heart hit the floor. Well, she hit me hard with eyes of blue, and whispered sweetly just to get me through, she whispered sweetly like I wanted her to. I could have begged her to stay but she’d have gone away, I just watched her dance like a flower in the breeze she swayed, like a shadow in the dark she faded away. I woke up in the night, thought it was a dream, there was no girl like her it seemed. I could feel the breath upon me, like a dragon’s fire it burned me, I could feel her skin upon me, like a crystal angel she came to me.

Paliana was a curse to me; all that I had was not enough you see. Paliana tore me apart with love, cut my heart out with a velvet glove, cut my heart out from above. I fell so hard I’d lost it all, standing like a prisoner against a bullet-filled wall. I could have begged for her to end it but she would want to stay, I just watched her dance like a flower in the breeze she swayed, like a devil in disguise she took my heart away. I woke up in the night and thought it was a dream, trapped in purgatory with a whispered scream. I could feel her arms around me, like a snake’s coils she trapped me, I could feel her kiss upon me, like a crystal angel she mended me. Like a broken angel, she ended me.

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Prayer For A Wasted Life

Time’s passing by, face aging minute by minute. Didn’t want to be old, happened anyway. Sitting at the end of the bar, drink for each year wasted. Sad, drunk, and alone, yesterday was twenty years ago,and  tomorrow is a short sunrise. Once I lived on the promise of what could be, now it’s what might have been. Crying the tears of a fool into an empty glass. The laughter in my head grows louder, dreams forgotten, all for nothing. Wish I could have read the ending first. I’ll apologize to my family; my heart was not in it from the start. The sun set on me as I came into this world.

Run away, run forever, and keep running until you reach the edge. Jump off and fly away and take the world by its hand. You can’t waste a lifetime waiting for a day that may never come. Before you blink tomorrow is gone.

Can not stand under the weight of my wrongs, can’t stay where I am, got to keep moving. No one waits to welcome, by myself, stare at the wall, and watch the movie in my mind. Never took a helping hand, young men never understand, nothing lasts. I once lived on the view of the promised land in the distance, I once had laughter but that time has passed.

Calling out, calling out into the wind. I keep calling but nobody listens, nobody hears. Someday that life I once wished for will come back for me. Will I wake up to find this wasted life was all a dream? Can I step out from the shadows if I really believe?

Run away, run forever, and keep running until you’ve reached the edge. Jump off and fly away, rise like a phoenix, or plunge down to the rocks below, the life you lead is not for show. Say a prayer for a wasted life. You can’t spend a lifetime waiting for a day that may never come.