This is a recurring series featuring five poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and mind were like at a certain age and show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. This is 2006. I was 28 years old. An important relationship was over. An attempted move to New Orleans failed. An actual move to Florida failed. This all had a profound impact on my writing.
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Everything I’ve Got
I don’t know if you’ve got another man. Maybe he’s got you by the hand. I don’t know if you’re afraid to let it go, afraid that you’ll be left all alone. I know that you’ve been trying so hard, to fix what’s wrong, find where you belong. So close you’ve come to falling apart, one tear away from ending where you start. I don’t have money. I don’t have a car. I am no superman, but I’ll be there for you wherever you are. I don’t always say what’s on my mind, but next to you I feel the butterflies. Can I say I love you? If I need you is that okay? Can I tell you that you’re beautiful and that you brighten every day? Can I say if you give me just one chance I’ll give you everything I’ve got in every way?
I know you’ve got a busy life. I know you don’t have time to be a girlfriend or be a wife. I know you’ve been trying to solve all the world’s problems in your spare time, trying to turn salt water into wine. You think you’ve got the answer, but then the questions change. The same old house gets lonely sometimes no matter how much it’s rearranged. I don’t have money. I don’t know where I am going. I don’t have a fancy name, but with you, I’ll always know where home is. Can I say I love you? If I need you is that okay? Can I tell you that you’re my angel and that you brighten every day? Can I say if you give me just one chance I’ll give you everything I’ve got in every way.
I know we’ve got a long road to go, so many things we need to plant and let grow. There’s so much standing in our way, but I’d push it aside for you any day. You’re the one I searched for before I knew what I was looking for. You’re the one I’ll build a house of love for and carry you in my arms through the door. Can I hold you in my arms for a while? Can I do whatever it takes to make you smile? Can I tell you that I’ll be there for you and make you believe it’s true? Can we walk down this lonely road together, and hold hands through the sun and rainy weather? I don’t have money, I don’t have all the answers, but I’ll love you like I’m the richest man on earth. I am no Superman, I can’t leap the tallest heights, but I’ll hold you close during the cold winter nights. Let my love be your light. Let my arms be your shelter. Let my breath give you life. Let my kiss make everything better. Can I say I love you? If I need you is that okay? Can I tell you that you’re beautiful and that you brighten every day? Girl if you give me just one chance I’ll give you everything I’ve got in every way.
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Wish For Me
Wish for me a love that I can hold on to forever, a love that grows when we’re apart and strengthens when we’re together. Dream for me a place to stay inside your love while you’re away, and in that place, I will remain forever. Sing for me a lullaby, words so sweet they make me cry, the joy that I feel will not be restrained. Hold me in your arms so tight, that I’ll feel your touch in the dark of night.
Wish for me a love that I can grow old with, a love that is unblinking and true. Build me up as you want me to be, help me become all I can be, and make me feel worthy of someone like you. Dream for me a way home, where all I’ve hoped for becomes all I know. Show me how you did become, an angel in my heart when I thought I was gone, in the blink of my blue eyes I was saved. Sing for me that song you know, the words don’t matter if you sing it slow, the breath you give is a miracle to me. Hold my head in your hands so you’re all that I see, whisper in my ear all you say I will believe.
Wish me up from where I’m lying, you healed my mind when I was dying, you’ve got me blinded without trying, can’t hold back, there’s no denying, the dreams of you keep multiplying. Wish for me a love that I can hold on to forever, the only love I want in the world is the love of that beautiful girl.
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What You Hide
If I didn’t love you how would I feel? If I could answer honestly what would I say? Am I nobody, too blind for you to see? If I had an idea what you were about would it change my mind? Woman, if you listened at all would you finally hear me? Talk over my words, I’m silent and you are deaf. Breathe through my whispers, I’m invisible and you are blind. If I didn’t love you could I take anymore? When you look do you see through me? You don’t see me at all. If I thought one word could make a difference which would I choose? Do I even have a choice when I watch your hair come down? It’s something no one understands, but they all have felt it before. Dancing and moving through each other like two ends of the same line. I keep asking myself why, then come running back for more. You make a fool of me with a shake of your hips. You drop a shot below the belt when you pucker up your lips. At night I pray for an answer, each day I hope to hear. There’s a time and a place for everything and I hope it’s coming near. If you weren’t in my life, if I could have stayed away, would I feel any better or worse than I feel today? If I could see outside myself would I like what I saw in my eyes? If I could see through yours could I unmask the fears that you hide? If I weren’t a fool for you what would be left for me?
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Paliana
Paliana was just a dream to me, a beautiful face thought I’d never see. Paliana was just a dream to me, until the day she walked through my door, on that day my heart hit the floor. Well, she hit me hard with eyes of blue, and whispered sweetly just to get me through, she whispered sweetly like I wanted her to. I could have begged her to stay but she’d have gone away, I just watched her dance like a flower in the breeze she swayed, like a shadow in the dark she faded away. I woke up in the night, thought it was a dream, there was no girl like her it seemed. I could feel the breath upon me, like a dragon’s fire it burned me, I could feel her skin upon me, like a crystal angel she came to me.
Paliana was a curse to me; all that I had was not enough you see. Paliana tore me apart with love, cut my heart out with a velvet glove, cut my heart out from above. I fell so hard I’d lost it all, standing like a prisoner against a bullet-filled wall. I could have begged for her to end it but she would want to stay, I just watched her dance like a flower in the breeze she swayed, like a devil in disguise she took my heart away. I woke up in the night and thought it was a dream, trapped in purgatory with a whispered scream. I could feel her arms around me, like a snake’s coils she trapped me, I could feel her kiss upon me, like a crystal angel she mended me. Like a broken angel, she ended me.
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Prayer For A Wasted Life
Time’s passing by, face aging minute by minute. Didn’t want to be old, happened anyway. Sitting at the end of the bar, drink for each year wasted. Sad, drunk, and alone, yesterday was twenty years ago,and tomorrow is a short sunrise. Once I lived on the promise of what could be, now it’s what might have been. Crying the tears of a fool into an empty glass. The laughter in my head grows louder, dreams forgotten, all for nothing. Wish I could have read the ending first. I’ll apologize to my family; my heart was not in it from the start. The sun set on me as I came into this world.
Run away, run forever, and keep running until you reach the edge. Jump off and fly away and take the world by its hand. You can’t waste a lifetime waiting for a day that may never come. Before you blink tomorrow is gone.
Can not stand under the weight of my wrongs, can’t stay where I am, got to keep moving. No one waits to welcome, by myself, stare at the wall, and watch the movie in my mind. Never took a helping hand, young men never understand, nothing lasts. I once lived on the view of the promised land in the distance, I once had laughter but that time has passed.
Calling out, calling out into the wind. I keep calling but nobody listens, nobody hears. Someday that life I once wished for will come back for me. Will I wake up to find this wasted life was all a dream? Can I step out from the shadows if I really believe?
Run away, run forever, and keep running until you’ve reached the edge. Jump off and fly away, rise like a phoenix, or plunge down to the rocks below, the life you lead is not for show. Say a prayer for a wasted life. You can’t spend a lifetime waiting for a day that may never come.
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