Initial Impressions 2.0 Blog #126: YouTube Stupid, Cat Food Breakfast, Kmart Music, etc.

1. Do real people work for YouTube? I ask this because I had a video get pulled from my channel this week. The reason? Underage kids drinking. Were there kids drinking? Yes. Was it alcohol? Of course not. This video is from Christmas 1995, and in a few scenes, we kids are sharing a bottle of sparkling cider. I know scandalous. I would hope that if it’s a human reviewing this private video, oh yeah, it’s private, so nobody can see it without the link. Anyway, I would hope that if it were a human, they would see or hear us mentioning sparkling cider. I am guessing it’s some sort of AI bot programmed to find things it thinks violate the site. Oh, but even better when the video, or any video, gets removed, there is no option to chat or email anyone to plead your case. Absolutely ridiculous. I chose the option of appealing the decision. Knowing this site, it won’t matter. I’ll end up having to cut out the scene they highlighted. Whatever. It was a family celebrating a holiday in the 90s and jokingly drinking sparkling cider. With some of the stuff I see on YouTube, shockingly, this video got pulled, but we’ll see what happens.


2. Luckily, when dealing with stress like the garbage I just mentioned with YouTube, I have something I can do. At work, we have something called Truvaga. It is a vagus nerve stimulator. For those who don’t know, the vagus nerve controls the ‘fight or flight’ part of your body. Truvaga is a two-minute session, is totally safe, and has me feeling like sunshine and rainbows inside of 40 minutes. The only problem with that time frame comes when I do a session and then stop to run an errand. If my stress level drops into ‘everything is wonderful’ territory while out somewhere, it changes things. For example, a few months ago, I stopped at the supermarket on my way home from work after using Truvaga. While I was inside, the overwhelming peace and calm took over. Do you want to know how I realized that? My Fitbit buzzed and asked if I was out for a walk, and if I wanted it to start tracking it as exercise. That means I was wandering the store in such a euphoric state for so long that my Fitbit thought I was on a walk. Foolishness like that aside, I love the Truvaga, but it also costs nearly $500. That means I will use it when I can at work, but when it comes to buying my own, I’d probably need a separate Truvaga to help me after I saw the bill for it.


3. Most days, I don’t feel my age. There are some though where it becomes painfully clear that I was a teenager 30 years ago. This week, I was driving home from work and stopped at the supermarket for something quick. I pulled into the parking lot with Prodigy’s Firestarter blasting. A nice pounding techno gem from the 1990s. I parked next to a 70-something guy who was loading his bags into his trunk. He looked at me with annoyance. In an instant, I was 18 again and felt that sense of GenX rebellion I used to feel all the time. I wanted to sit there and let the song blast until he drove away, but I had my fun. I almost wanted to thank him for looking so upset with my music and then tell him the 60s called and were looking for his unnecessary moral outrage toward the youth.




4. If you haven’t seen the show Dark on Netflix, I cannot recommend it enough. It is 3 seasons and a total of 26 episodes. The show was on originally from 2017 to 2020, and in the simplest terms is about time-travel. It is so much more, though. It has such a layered and interesting plotline with loads of detailed characters. The show rewards you for paying attention. It’s not a show to watch in the background while scrolling your phone. You will probably become lost if you do that. I’m trying not to spoil anything. You get great acting, great characters, and great music. With the time-travel, there are a lot of classic 1980s songs. The highest compliment I can give this show is that I actually binged a lot of it over a weekend. Usually, I try to watch one episode of a show per night to fully digest it. Dark was so good that I needed to keep going to follow the story. If you can, definitely add Dark to your future watch list on Netflix.

5. Speaking of Netflix, I have had my subscription back for just over 6 months. I got it to watch the final season of Stranger Things. In that time, I have watched so many excellent shows. Having just finished Dark, it’s time for a new show, and Netflix seems to know my tastes now. I feel like I’ll find another winner. In the last 6 months, these are the shows I’ve watched: Stranger Things, Stranger Things: Tales from ‘85, Cobra Kai, 11.22.63, Yellowjackets, His & Hers, Untamed, The Burroughs, The Beast In Me, Something Very Bad Is Going to Happen, Castle Rock, and Dark. Every one of them I found engaging and entertaining. I am sure that at some point I’ll start a show that I’ll not like as much and probably give up on, but as of right now, I’m on a hot streak, at least when it comes to my own entertainment.


6. Every now and then, the old me comes back out. I was spending a day recording podcasts and doing other content when I had a sudden urge to go to the gym. In the time before COVID, that was not unusual. I’d be at the gym 5 or more days a week. COVID got me used to sitting around, and it has been tough snapping out of it. It also doesn’t help that I am now in my late 40s. People’s energy levels naturally begin dropping with age. You have to work harder to do the same things. The fact that I had a desire to hit the gym was a great sign. I went and had maybe the best workout of the year. Nearly an hour, and my body was like pudding when I got home. I am not sure how often I can pull that off, but I think if I just get back to being consistent, those killer workouts won’t seem so out of the ordinary anymore.


7. One day this week, a coworker and I entered the office. We began smelling something off. We both looked at each other, confused, trying to figure out what it was. I said it smelled a bit like cat food. It turned out to be my boss’s breakfast burrito. No, it didn’t have cat food in it. I now forget what he said was in it, but I was a mix of feeling bad and wanting to laugh hysterically. I didn’t bring it up again. I mean, who wants to hear that their breakfast smells like cat food? Unless it actually is cat food, then you’ve got bigger issues.

A new flavor of burrito?

8. This week, I recorded the 250th episode of my podcast. One of the GenX nostalgia topics that I covered was a hilariously poorly acted Kmart employee training video from 1992. I linked to it. An unexpected find when researching Kmart in general, though, was a series of their old muzak tapes that you’d hear when walking through the stores. I found an entire playlist at Archive.org with dozens of such tapes. It’s a lot of the soft rock music you’d expect, along with the voice-over person explaining current Kmart deals and thanking you for coming into the store. Each tape is between one and two hours long. I don’t suggest spending an entire night listening to them, but click the playlist and spend a few minutes listening. Maybe you will be transported back to the blue light special days of yore when Kmart ruled retail.


9. I am lucky enough to live fairly close to the Cape Cod Rail Trail. Unless the weather is terrible, I try to find a way to be on that trail for a walk at least once a week. You get to be close to nature. You get to see loads of people enjoying themselves and the scenery. Typically, you see solo people, maybe a few in a group. This week, while on the trail, I got to see two different huge groups in two different areas. One was a group of runners doing what I believe was a fun-run 5K on the trail. They were coming at me early in my walk. It was quite a crowd, probably around 50 runners. There were a lot of waves as I went by. Then on the way back, now probably more than 4 miles into my walk, I spotted one of the largest gatherings of bicycles I’ve seen. There had to be between 30 and 40 coming down a street. One by one, they entered the bike trail. I think some of the vehicles were losing their minds over the wait, but oh well, it is summer. I got ahead of the crowd as they all gathered, probably to go over the riding plans. I think they were from a nearby summer camp because there were a few adults and a lot of kids. When the line of bikes started passing me on the bike trail, I felt like it took a full 2 minutes for them to all go by.


10. The Summer Solstice happened this weekend. It is the longest day of the year in terms of actual light. On Cape Cod, we had 15 hours and 12 minutes of daylight. I tend to have delusions of grandeur on the longest day of the year. It’s as if I am going to spend an inordinate amount of time outside doing something simply because it’s the longest day of the year. That never ends up happening. The best was the year that I wanted to run one mile in each of the 15 towns on mainland Cape Cod. I figured I had plenty of time since the sunrise was a little after 5am and the sunset would be close to 8:30pm. I did run, but not in every town. I did a nice long run that, by coincidence, took me from one town to another. Once reality set in, I was toast. I would have run at least 15 miles, plus driving everywhere from Falmouth to Provincetown. On a good day, it takes about 1 hour and 45 minutes to go from Falmouth to Provincetown, so at the beginning of summer, it would be longer. In the end, it was an ‘eyes bigger than your stomach’ type of thing. This year, I sat around and didn’t do much, and loved every second of it.


11. Summer arrived, and all was calm to start. The weather was perfect, and because many schools don’t get out until early next week, the traffic wasn’t bad either. On Cape Cod, it is a condensed mad dash of a summer annually. From Memorial Day through Independence Day, the weekends grow gradually busier while the weekdays are pretty normal. Then Fourth of July hits, and it’s 6 weeks of insanity. Don’t even think about making a left turn until Labor Day. Sometime in July, the weather flips. The lower humidity of late spring vanishes and is replaced by sweltering temperatures routinely in the mid and upper 80s, and humidity that makes you feel like you took a shower in your clothes. Stock up on bug spray, too, as mosquitoes, ticks, and later greenhead flies dominate the landscape. It must sound like I don’t enjoy summer, and that’s not totally untrue. Summer is my 3rd favorite season, behind fall and spring. So yeah, the heat, humidity, and crowds don’t paint my ideal picture. I do enjoy everything being open. Winter on Cape Cod can be pretty solitary, so seeing everything busy is good. As I do every year, though, I will be counting down the days until the end of August when the crowds begin to disperse, and then we locals get our season to enjoy Cape Cod .

A sunset during last summer in Dennis, MA

12. Father’s Day was this weekend. It is always a bittersweet day. I have trouble celebrating because my father was and still is a bad person. He is lazy, selfish, a professional victim, someone who only cares about his kids when they can give him money. I learned so much about what not to be as a man from my biological father. I come back to the good men that I have had in my life who picked up the slack of a bum. It makes the bitterness a little easier to swallow when I think of so many second fathers who helped me grow into a functioning adult. I feel bad because I see some good fathers, yes, but I also see way more terrible ones. Not being a father myself, I cannot say for sure if I’d be a good one. I’d like to think that common sense and common decency would make me an average father at least. The anger and resentment toward my biological father, I think, would inspire me to simply be better than him. I envy family and friends who have good fathers. I’d love to have had a dad who took me fishing, taught me how to fix cars, and gave me general life tips. I’d be grateful for the older I get. I didn’t get that. I got a guy who stood me up when making plans, constantly begged for money, quit jobs to avoid paying child support, and treated alcohol better than his children. So Happy Father’s Day to the good dads out there. To my biological father, you are the sum total of the terrible choices you made in life, and karma is showing you that now.

The Life of an Uncle

I am not a father. I am, however, writing this on Father’s Day.

It’s fitting because it is a bittersweet day for me due to the lack of a good father in my own life. I am blessed to have had several second fathers, though. Positive role models that showed me that although many men are awful, it is not all of them.

Although I have no children of my own, I have had experience in putting the lessons my second fathers taught me to use. For despite not being a father, I am a proud uncle.

I have six nieces and nephews. Kaleigh, Emma, Liam, Landon, Lucas, and Sylvie. Three boys, three girls. I have been an uncle for more than half of my life and cherished every moment.

I was there the day that most of them were born. I was there for many birthdays, holidays, and other important moments in their lives. I did my best to be a fun and positive presence any time I was around them. That deep emotional connection with them as children is a double-edged sword, though.

As I said, I am not a father. This means I am none of their fathers. I am an uncle. Sure, it’s an important role, but it’s not THE important role. Only time will tell if any of the three men who are the fathers of the six nieces and nephews turn out to be positive or negative. It doesn’t look great, but there is still time.

I don’t know the pressures or the life changes that come from parenthood. I do know that no child asks to be born. It is the responsibility of the parents to care for and nurture their children. You don’t have to be the greatest parent ever to be a net positive in your child’s life. You just have to start by showing up and showing you care.

As an uncle and the child of a terrible father, it hit me on two fronts. I wanted to show that I was a positive role model. I also wanted to show that I was a better uncle than my biological father was a parent.

The double-edged sword I mentioned a moment ago comes from attachment and remembering your role. For as much as I loved spending time with my nieces and nephews, it was always a bit superficial. Not like I was pretending to love being around them, but more that things were meant to stay fun and light.

I am not their fathers. I am their uncle. Growing up, my uncles were fun distractions from daily life. They didn’t tackle anything serious. Those problems were for parents to help with. An uncle needs to know his role and be a fun distraction, but in the end, that’s where their role typically ends.

When I was a kid, I remember fun times with my uncles, Bob, Eric, Steve, and John. As I grew up, though, I started seeing them less and less. Not because of anything bad, I just wasn’t their kid. They would be at holidays or other random occasions, but in my teens and early 20s, I was focused on getting my own life started. My uncles and aunts were seen far less than when I was little. That’s just the way it goes.

I was lucky that my oldest nieces, Kaleigh and Emma, lived in close proximity to me when they were growing up. They were either right down the street or right down the hallway. I was able to share probably hundreds of memories with them.

Walking the mall with little Kaleigh in her stroller. People would stop and mention how cute she was and what proud parents my sister Kate and I must be. I would laugh, Kate would be grossed out.

Sitting on the floor of my bedroom with my laptop open. Little Emma sitting beside me as I showed her classic McDonald’s commercials from the 1980s. In the days when she was hesitant to get close to anyone besides her parents, I took it as a major badge of honor that she liked spending time with me.

My nephews Liam and Landon were born at different times in my life. Liam lived further away. Landon was born as I was moving into a new place. Thus, I was more disconnected from them. This always made me feel bad. I wanted to be the fun uncle, the favorite uncle, to all of the kids. Feeling more connected to some than others was never something I intended. Life just happens that way.

When Lucas was born, I made it a point to set things right. I was there when he was born. I did my best to visit him and Liam at my sister Lindsay’s house, even though it was a bit of a hike to get there.

Time was ticking away. I was 33 when Lucas was born, and I had my doubts as to whether I’d ever have kids of my own. I tried to be the fun uncle. Always looking to make the kids laugh, do stupid voices, and tell funny jokes. These were the things I had learned from my Uncle Bob. He was and still is the gold standard of the fun uncle.

I always had to remind myself that I was the uncle, not the father. If I disagreed with something one of the fathers did, it wasn’t my place to say anything. I never wanted to hear someone tell me to mind my business because I wasn’t their father.

That reality led to my having less of a role in the lives of my nieces and nephews as they got older. Much in the same way that it happened with my uncles, and probably a lot of your uncles. You don’t lean on an uncle for answers to difficult situations as a teen and young adult. That is what parents are for.

I’d watch, so close, but so far away, as the kids grew up. They started and finished high school and college. They got their first jobs, cars, and relationships. As proud as I was, and still am, it comes back to that bittersweet feeling. I am not as important to them as they are to me.

That’s not unusual. It’s just something that uncles and aunts have to cope with as the kids get older. They stay closer to their parents because that’s how it should be. Being an uncle means your seat gets further from the stage, the older the kids get.

My youngest niece, Sylvie, was born when I was 41. She is almost 8 years younger than Lucas. It was like starting the clock over again.

Having children in your life can make you feel young and old, all at the same time. You feel young because you watch them learn and discover, and start to become who they will be. You feel old because, as they grow up, you feel your own clock ticking.

I try to be the best uncle I can be to Sylvie, who is 7. She’s my final excuse to be a foolish man-child for a little longer. I know that eventually she will drift away, not from anything bad, just because all kids grow up and develop their own lives. It might not be tomorrow or the next day, but it will come someday. I just have to enjoy each moment as they come.

It happened with Kaleigh, Emma, and Liam. It’s happening with Landon, who just graduated from high school. It’s like I want more time with them all, but I’m lower on the ladder of importance. Parents, grandparents, friends, partners, they all occupy more important real estate in the lives of my older nieces and nephews. That’s how it should be, and I have done my best to accept that.

Despite being an uncle for more than half of my life, I still don’t have a clue what it means or what I should be doing. I never went off on adventures with my uncles, except for rare times when my Uncle John took me to Friendly’s. I don’t know if I should have done more as the kids grew up, or less. I don’t even know if I was or am good at whatever an uncle’s role is.

What exactly is an uncle anyway? The brother of your parent. They are adjacent to the important stuff in your life. Maybe they were there a lot more than you remembered as a kid. Maybe they were more like a guest star who showed up every now and then.

Maybe it’s not about the quantity but the quality? I don’t remember meeting my Uncle Eric until I was 12 and my cousin Patrick was born. He went on to be someone whom I told I wished had been my father.

My uncles Eric and Bob have each attended more of my author events than my biological father. My uncle Steve was by my side for several grueling road races. These men showed up. Sometimes, as a human, no matter your age, you just want someone you care about to show up. They did, my father didn’t. I try to do the same for my nieces and nephews and hope that I have succeeded more times than I’ve failed.

I am not a father. I am, however, a proud and grateful uncle to six wonderful people. They are all different, unique, and special. They are all at different points in their lives, but all have blue skies filled with hope and opportunity ahead of them.

As an uncle, you have to know your role. It’s to be a positive presence above all else. You want the kids to be glad you were there and waiting in anticipation of when you’ll be back. That’s a big reason why I tended to rile them all up and then leave. Fun uncles gotta fun.

Decades from now, when I am old and worn out, I hope that my nieces and nephews reach out every now and then to make sure I am still alive. I hope they do a better job than I do at keeping in touch. Uncle Bob I hear from a few times a month. I haven’t seen my Uncle Steve in many months. My Uncle Eric sadly passed 3 years ago, before I could say goodbye.

You only get one life. I’d much rather be the fun uncle who gets steely-eyed glares from parents and grandparents because I let the kids do whatever they want. It beats being the lame, boring, or worse, absentee uncle that doesn’t know the kids' middle names.

I hope that my nieces and nephews know that even as my role in their lives gets smaller, I am still cheering as loudly from the nosebleed seats as I was on the sidelines. I think it is important to make that known rather than just hoping that it is.

I have been an uncle for more than half of my life. I will be one for the rest of it as well. Being a positive male presence in their lives is very important. If they need me, I am there. If they don’t, I will be first in line to hear all about how their lives are going when they do.

Kaleigh, Emma, Liam, Landon, Lucas, and Sylvie. I am so proud and blessed to be your uncle and to call you family. Just know that I am never far if you need me, and your fun, some might say crazy, uncle loves you very much.

Initial Impressions 2.0 Blog #73: Closure, Train Dodging, Vanity Plates, etc.

1. Closure is a funny thing. You can be searching for it for almost 20 years and still not be prepared when you finally get it. I was going through a journal I had written when I was in the most important relationship of my life 20 years ago. For so long after it ended, I had been unable to find her and never was able to get closure. It was a constant loose end that needed tying up. Amazingly, I got that closure this past weekend. After years of searching, I eventually found her through a simple Google search. Not sure what changed but earlier in the same day I had put it out into the universe that I wanted to find her. Sure, that hadn’t worked before but I always try. I’ll just say that she is happy in the life she has, and that makes me happy. If you want to know the full story, I wrote about it. Here is the link: https://christophersetterlund.blogspot.com/2025/06/peaceful-emptiness-finding-closure.html


2. Any time I visit the local college library it’s like my brain goes into serious mode. I feel like I write better when I am there. I wish it were closer. Granted it’s a 15-20 minute drive, but I’d go write there more often if it were closer. It’s like I sit at a desk on one of the quiet studying floors, and my brain tries to fit in with all of the people continuing their education. I can write well at home, but I tend to get distracted by surfing the web way more. It’s like I don’t want to be seen doing that at the college.


3. There was a hilarious interaction with a chipmunk this week. I was heading out the front door and spooked a little chipmunk. Rather than running around the side of the house instead it dove into the gutter spout. I could hear it trying to climb up in the gutter but eventually slipping down. Next, I spotted its little face sticking out of the drain, hoping I would leave. I took a step toward the gutter and the chipmunk squeaked and again tried to climb up the inside of the gutter. This time I could hear it squeaking inside like it was cursing me out. Again, it poked its head out but I had my fun and left it alone.


4. I am super excited for the return of King of the Hill. I was a big fan of the show during its initial run from 1997-2009. A revival in the form of a 14th season is set to drop in the first week of August on Hulu. I have been waiting for a reason to do a free trial of Hulu, and oh boy, this will be it. If you’ve never seen King of the Hill it was created by Mike Judge who did Beavis & Butthead, and Greg Daniels who helped create the American version of The Office. It’s got bits of both shows, but a lot that is different. My hope is that the new episodes will live up to the hype, but I’ll be happy just to see everyone back and aged somewhat.

5. While out for a walk, I was in a beautiful, quiet neighborhood not far from me. I had a podcast on, so I could also hear the sounds of nature. I thought I heard muffled dog barks, so I stopped. I have had instances where a dog has suddenly shown up next to me while I’m walking. The last thing I want is to be attacked by a dog, or to step on one that I don’t see. I saw that two dogs were barking at the bay window of a house. I thought it was funny but the lady in the house didn’t. I could see her yelling at the dogs and then she even pulled the shades down. Sorry dogs.


6. One good dog story deserves another. I was at the beach walking pretty far out on the flats to get away from the crowds. It was so peaceful and nice. I soaked in the atmosphere before returning to the parking lot. As soon as I got close I heard an old man in a pickup truck telling these 2 women that dogs aren’t allowed on the beach in the summer. This is true but many dog owners are selfish and entitled so they don’t care about laws. Anyway, these 2 classy ladies with their disgusting cigarettes and the weathered faces to prove it, started yelling and swearing at the old man. He swore back and gave them the finger while driving away. Me? I just wanted to get to my car without making eye contact with those trash bags.

Not seen, the trashy 'ladies' with their dogs on the beach.

7. In most weeks, the return of King of the Hill would have been the biggest news for me. Then, a few days later, it is matched by the return of Spaceballs in 2027 for the 40th anniversary. As a child of the 80s, this is like a Schwartz ray right to my nuts, in a good way, if there is one. The trailer is basic so I can’t wait to see an actual preview with as many of the actors returning. Sadly, there won’t be John Candy or Joan Rivers but there will be Rick Moranis, Bill Pullman, and hopefully Mel Brooks, who is 99 years young now. May the Schwartz be with us all!


8. When I was younger, I had aspirations of getting some sort of vanity license plate. I figured something like my initials, ‘CJS.’ It never happened. That being said I do enjoy seeing what people choose to put on their vanity plates. Many are initials but then every now and then I see one that makes me audibly laugh. I saw a plate that read ‘EIEIOH.’ If you know, you know. But still, Old MacDonald? That’s what you chose for your license plate? Maybe if you were a farmer? This was just some run-of-the-mill pickup truck. Very creative and funny regardless.


9. Shenanigans seem to follow me wherever I go. I went out for an afternoon adventure after it had rained. After a lot of driving, I made my way to a place in Sandwich called Scorton Creek. It’s loaded with trails, marshes, a few abandoned shacks, and it crosses the railroad tracks. I couldn’t find an old abandoned shack I had found years ago. I made my way to the tracks to make better time back into the woods. I filmed a quick video joking that I was living the movie Stand By Me as I walked the tracks. I said if I saw a train, I’d have to dive off the tracks. 30 seconds later, the dinner train comes rolling down the tracks. I was in no man’s land. I didn’t know how fast the train was going, and I was at the creek so I was stuck. I had to scale down the embankment and watch as the train passed by, basically right overhead. I don’t think any of the people on the train saw the crazy guy at the bottom of the embankment, but you can be the judge, as I made a video about me jinxing myself. Enjoy.
https://youtube.com/shorts/yVuXXWwtlhg?si=FB2PViWGD_T8Dw20



10. Also during my visit to Scorton Creek. The ground was wet from the day of rain so my shoes quickly got soaked. While on the lookout for the abandoned building, I kept hearing a voice over a loudspeaker coming from somewhere in the distance. At first, it sounded like a graduation where the voice was announcing names alphabetically. Then I started thinking it might have been a graduation party or even a wedding as music was getting played as well. This included The Beatles ‘In My Life’ which made the walk through the woods magical. While walking back to my car, I came across a man walking with his two dogs. I asked him about the voice, and he had no clue. I mentioned my interaction with the train, and he just laughed. Only when he walked past me did it make sense. I could smell the weed he was smoking. He will likely think I was just a dream.


11. Happy Father’s Day to all of the good dads out there. Despite not having a good dad myself, I was blessed to have many great men who I consider second fathers in my life. Granted, it would have been better if the man who helped bring me into this world had given even a D- grade worth of effort to raising me. His karma is living his life now knowing that his actions led to his kids and grandkids wanting nothing to do with him. I cannot change the past but I can look back and look at present-day and feel grateful that I learned how to be a man from some truly good men throughout my life.

To All Of My Second Fathers

To All of My Second Fathers

Happy Father’s Day to all of my second fathers. Thank you for pitching in to pave the road left abandoned by the one who should have paved it. I could have spent this Father’s Day feeling resentful toward the person who had, but did not earn, the title of *Dad*. Instead, I wanted to thank the good male role models I have had, for I didn’t get to this point in my life on my own.

When I began putting together this piece, it really dawned on me. Despite the main male in my life not wanting to show me anything except how not to be, I found that I had a village of true men who took a boy and helped make him a man.

To Serpa, CJS Sr., my second stepfather. Thank you for bringing the type of stability that eluded me when it came to male role models in my life through my teenage years. You started as my mom’s coworker, whom I would end up chatting about sports and sports cards with in the produce section of Stop & Shop for way too long. Here it is, 30 years later, and we still chat about sports and cards. You’ve been there through high school, college, moving cross country, births of kids, deaths of family members, and everyday moments that pass by in the blink of an eye. You taught me that so much of being a man is showing up for those who matter.

To my Grampa, Sully. Thank you for crafting a life that served as a blueprint for all I wished to be. Your hard work, your dedication to your family, your ability to make things make sense. All of these things I have tried to emulate. I often said while you were still here that if I became half the man you were, I’d consider my life a success. That will never change. You were and still are the role model above all others. You taught me that part of being a man is leading by example and living life in a way that makes people proud that they know you.

To my uncles. Bob, Eric, John, and Steve. Thank you for helping to guide me each in different ways. Uncle Bob, you are the one I emulate when relating to my own nieces and nephews. If they enjoy their time with me as their uncle, it’s because of what you showed me. Uncle Eric, I told you that I wished you were my father. You showed me that it was possible to be a good father even if your brother could not be bothered. You looked out for me and helped me through some hard times when you did not have to. Uncle John, the only one who knows more about family history than I, is you. You showed me that the right way to live life is by simply being a decent human. Uncle Steve, you taught me about mental toughness and perseverance. You took your grief and turned yourself into an elite distance runner in your 50s. You showed me that there is more than one road that can take you where you want to go.

To Maui, the man himself. Thank you for instilling in me a work ethic that serves me well to this day. You took a kid who was working in an industry he didn’t want to be in and showed me how to do it and do it well. You taught me how to work hard but still make it fun. You were someone that, although not related by blood, I felt I could lean on, ask for advice, and also count on to set me straight when I needed it.

I have also been lucky to have many friends whom I look at as inspirations. I have friends who are loving and dedicated fathers and husbands, disciplined hard workers, creative entrepreneurs, gutsy risk takers, and above all else, good and decent people. I’m looking at you, Barry, Steve, John, Mike, Greg, Hasan, and others I might be forgetting. You don’t have to be a generation older to be a male role model, and I appreciate all of you.

For me, Father’s Day tends to be bittersweet. As you can see, I have had many good male role models who have helped to shape me into who I am today. However, it shouldn’t have been the job of a committee of others. The main male role model in anyone’s life should be their actual biological father. Sadly, it is more common for a father to shun their duties of teaching and protecting their kids in favor of being lazy and selfish.

The person who is my father is so in name only. He avoided responsibility in every way possible. It included not paying child support for, you know, supporting the child you helped create. It included making promises to his kids that he routinely broke. It included valuing alcohol over his kids' well-being. It included looking at his kids as walking ATM machines as soon as they started working.

I could have easily become a lazy, selfish, ignorant, drunk, professional victim. I was blessed though, with the men I mentioned above. They taught me how to be a man while my “father” showed me all of the things not to do. To this day, he sits back and whines, wondering why his kids and grandkids want nothing to do with him. Get a mirror and you’ll find your answer.

To all of my second fathers, thank you so much for all of your love, support, and advice. Thank you for helping me build the road I am on. I will keep on doing all I can to be a person you can be proud of. I will do my best to validate all of that support every day of my life. Happy Father’s Day!