Christopher Setterlund, In My Footsteps

Thursday, January 16, 2025

2004: My Life In Poetry Form - Throwback Thursday

This is a weekly recurring series featuring five poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and mind were like at a certain age and show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. This is 2004. I was 26 years old. I had met one of the most important people and was in the midst of an important relationship in my life. It highly affects my writing.

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And now I've reached the mountain top, standing where you stood.

I'm looking down, through all the clouds, wondering if I should.

Hands were meant to create, not swerve in a ditch off the interstate,

too bad nobody applied the break, it was 27 feet down into the lake.

And now I've reached the bottom, heartaches and regrets,

damn right I've got them.

Bubbles to take my words away, the only ones who hear what I say,

let runaway minds begin.

A mind needs sunshine to grow, not chemicals making you forget your way home, too bad I was left all alone, it was 27 cc's and the sadness was gone.

And now I've seen the mountain top, the thinning air, the ten-mile drop.

The world was shaking, so glad it stopped,

my legs were numb from being tossed.

Love is here to save, not send you on a fast train to the grave,

so glad it found me before I went under the waves, it only took 27 years to find happiness.

I'm letting go, of you tonight, my friend, my hero.

You changed my path more than you'll ever know, but I found a new hero to carry me home.

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The Reason Why He Is Here

Shadows everywhere, she sees the light under the bathroom door.

The bed is cold and empty, he’s staring in the mirror, what is he searching for?

She asks him how he feels, why he’s here alone and stands with him to be near.

He couldn’t sleep, the dreams cut too deep, he’s up looking for the reason why he is here.

The books have no answers, prayers just tie your tongue, he ends where awareness begins. Lives pass each day, what has he to offer? She looks into his eyes gently caressing his skin. Her happiness comes from him, they give strength to each other, and her kiss makes everything clear. He may get lost, or down and feel stuck, but through it all she shines. She is the reason why he is here.

Her love is like the moon pulling his heart to her,

fear is gone, and he can let go.

He stares into the mirror, at her reflection beside his, he can rest his eyes now because he knows. Lights go down, darkness and no sound, he holds her close to breathe in the air she gives. He sees her beauty long after he can see nothing, he’s sleeping in peace because he’s found the reason why he is here.

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Wherever You Are Is Home

You can roam the earth, and sail across the sea, but wherever you are is home to me. We could live among the mountains or clogged city streets, you and you alone are all that I will need. We could stay on the run, from one place to another, never would I need to stop as long as we have each other.

I had a dream of beach sand and palm trees, a hammock swaying in the breeze, and a gentle kiss from you to me. It was so real because it can be, just open our eyes and let our minds go free. All I want and all I need is in you, you’re all I see. You can hide in the forest, I will find you among the trees, wherever you are standing now, that is home to me. Wherever you are my angel, tonight, tomorrow, in the moments and instants we haven’t dreamed of yet. Wherever you lay your head, my baby, that is home to me.

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Maybe

Maybe I can hold your hand.

Maybe I can understand.

Maybe you're the one who completes me.

Maybe all alone is where I deserve to be.

Maybe I knew you were right all along.

Maybe my love can not be contained in a song.

Maybe I can reopen the door that's been closed.

Maybe I can stop and listen to your words.

Maybe I'm afraid, maybe I just never say.

Maybe you're the reason I'm alive every day.

Maybe I'm so sorry, no maybe's, that's the truth.

Baby everything means nothing if I am without you.

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Wednesday, January 15, 2025

In My Footsteps Podcast Episode 178: A Funny 1980s Shoplifting Short-Film, Best Debut Songs Ever, Nautilus Fitness Equipment, Boston Molasses Flood(1-15-2025)

A campy 1980s anti-shoplifting short film. The revolutionary Nautilus fitness equipment. Some of the best debut songs ever.
Episode 178 brings the heat of nostalgia for the cold days of winter.
New Year, New You...old equipment? We kick off with a look back at the creation of a fitness revolution. The Nautilus brand of exercise machines set the standard for all others to follow. Though primitive by today's standards the original machines of half a century ago are nonetheless highly influential.
Shoplifting is the scourge of all business owners. Apparently never more so than in the early 1980s when everyone was a thief. We go way back in the day to review an anti-shoplifting educational short film. Shoplifters: The Criminal Hordes shows some of the wacky but real ways people would steal and some of the ways to combat it.
Every legend started somewhere. This week's Top 5 features some of the greatest debut songs ever. These are the songs that kickstarted some of the most important careers in music history.
There is a brand new This Week In History and Time Capsule centered around the bizarre but terrifying Boston Molasses Flood.
For more great content become a subscriber on Patreon!

Helpful Links from this Episode

Listen to Episode 177 here

Sunday, January 12, 2025

Initial Impressions 2.0 Blog #51: Basketball, Wacky Shopping Trip, Fitbit Blues, etc.

1. In a story related to last week’s blog I put my new basketball to use. I haven’t owned a basketball since high school. I haven’t shot a ball period in 2 years and haven’t done any sort of extended shoot-around in almost 10 years. Yet there I was, out in the morning playing for 45 minutes. I went to a local recreation area. It was sunny but below freezing which wasn’t bad once I got moving. The funniest part was just how tired my body was after playing. Just tying my shoes and playing is not possible anymore.

2. Last week I closed down the Lady of the Dunes website I created in support of my book and Frank Durant’s documentary upon which the book is based. She was identified as Ruth Marie Terry and the case is considered closed. Her son has written his own book and has had a documentary released through the Oxygen Network based on his life. He had no idea what had happened to his mother growing up. My thought, and it is agreed on by Frank, is that the Lady of the Dunes story is now her son’s to tell. In a fitting period in the final sentence of this chapter, the day after I took the website down I received a card in the mail. It was from Ruth Marie’s son thanking me for my work on helping his mother get her name back, It came complete with a photo of a bench dedicated to her at the cemetery in her hometown of Whitwell, Tennessee. I couldn’t have written it any better.

Thank you, Ruth Marie Terry and her family.

3. From the Shaking My Head Department. I had a podcast listener message me asking if I’d review a movie on an upcoming show. I politely declined as I don’t really do typical movie reviews on my podcast. I also then reminded him that only a couple of weeks ago he asked me to do a segment on the children’s singer Raffi. The best part? He asked how that segment went. This means he asked me to do a certain subject but then didn’t even listen to the show?! Seriously? I don’t think he’s a troll but that’s definitely a troll-ish move.

4. I don’t get headaches as often as I did when I was younger. In elementary school, I believe I was the only kid to have prescription medication in the nurse’s office. Back then I’d get bad headaches a few times a week or more. I was diagnosed with migraines when I was 2. That being said, every once in a while I’ll get a terrible headache these days. They are likely painful enough that they would lay most people out. For me, it takes something more to put me down. Even the one I had this week, which was pretty bad, just meant that I had to pop a few ibuprofen and keep going with my daily routine. I am definitely glad that I don’t get the clusters of migraines I used to get as a kid though.

5. Cryptic Posts (sort of) Return: I have been having dreams of several different girls from my past over the last few months. It has been four people but no rhyme or reason as to why they are in my dreams. Sure, it is the obvious ‘you miss them’ or ‘you have unfinished business with them,’ and the like. The thing is that each of the four is out of my reach even if I was looking to get together/back together with them. Is it a tease? Is it a test? I don’t know. The good and the bad of having very vivid dreams is that I remember much of them. I’m sure no concrete answer will come as to why just as I am sure that one of the four will likely be in my dreams again this week.

A return of a classic.

6. Amazing to think that I have 1 small payment left to totally pay off my last credit card. I maxed this one out years ago when I was really struggling for money. The card is super high interest so it took me a lot longer to pay it down than it should have. At times it felt like I was never going to make any progress paying down the balance. The irony is now that it will be paid off I want to close the account down but I shouldn’t. It’s not that I want the card for spending, but your credit score actually can go down if you close a card you’ve paid off. How stupid is that? I would think closing a paid-off account would show that you’re responsible. Nope. The credit companies would rather you have cards, even if you don’t use them. Fine. The card will keep collecting dust in my closet if that helps my credit score.

7. A little funny story. My mother gave me her old Fitbit as she said that she couldn’t read the small type on the screen. That’s not the funny part. Once I got it all set up and got the app on my phone I started using it. What I noticed is that it gives me way more steps than I actually take. I think it counts every time my arm moves as a step, even if I am sitting down. I am sure there is something I need to adjust to it. I had to laugh when on a day I was doing a lot of sitting it had me clocked at over 8,000 steps. I mean I am part Italian so maybe I talk with my hands so much that it counts those arm movements as steps?

8. As a followup to that last post the Fitbit band has already broken. Ironically my mother, as well as a client I train, said that they did not like the default Fitbit bands. They ended up buying different ones online. The band isn’t that comfortable but I figured I got it for free so why complain. I put the Fitbit on before heading out to work but also put on my heavy winter coat as it is in the 20s this week on Cape Cod. When I pulled into the work parking lot I noticed that I couldn’t feel the Fitbit around my wrist. The reason why is that the band had broken and the Fitbit had slid up the sleeve of my coat. I have since ordered a replacement band but not from Fitbit. I’ve ordered a more comfortable band now.

9. One trip, 3 foolish encounters. First, on my way to the gym, I got a white bucket stuck under my car. I thought it wasn’t large enough so I could easily pass over it. Nope. I could hear it scraping the road so I found myself intentionally driving into potholes trying to dislodge it. Eventually, this worked. After the gym, I walked to the supermarket at the other end of the parking lot. Inside I saw the funniest fake eyebrows ever. I gasped in shock and had to run away to laugh. It was like this woman took a Sharpie and drew 2 straight lines in the middle of her forehead. Was there nobody around to help her? Or stop her? Finally, on the way back to my car, a man who looked like he was hiding a keg under his shirt remarked about my wearing shorts. I didn’t care enough, and he didn’t look smart enough, to explain how I was at the gym a few doors down. I just smiled and kept walking thinking about how that guy probably looks in the mirror and thinks he has a 6-pack instead of the keg.

Yeah this is pretty close...

10. Interesting to me is when you go to certain websites that you don’t have an account with and you see where the default store location nearest to you is. Usually, they are a good hundred miles from where I am. It’s like you’re close, but not that close. It gets funnier when I’m listening to music streaming on Pandora or Spotify. I created accounts with them, many years ago. Despite that, the ads I get typically are for the New York/New Jersey area. I have no clue why. I mean I’d think even Boston or Providence must have ads through those services, right? Nope, I get very specific ads for New Yorkers. I know more about the New York lottery and city parking than I ever thought I would.

Thursday, January 9, 2025

2003: My Life In Poetry Form - Throwback Thursday

This is a weekly recurring series featuring five poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and mind were like at a certain age and show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. This is 2003. I was 25 years old. This was a time featuring a lot of soul-searching and trying to figure out what my path in life was supposed to be.

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Ghosts

There’s a ghost living inside of me. Close now to five years, it’s been haunting me. Need someone to cleanse my soul. Heartbeats counting down one by one. Need an exorcist to set me free. I used to love but forgot in time, where love stopped and hate began, where was that line. Where is the way back to that line, to get back into myself. I am the purgatory, heartbeats counting down to none. If I cry at night it’s the ghost stretching my love toward the light. There are ghosts of my mother, ghosts of my past. There’s a ghost of my father, and many love’s that didn’t last. I see ghosts of dark times, ghosts all in white. Ghosts that look like my brother, ghosts of one that could be another.

Now is not the time to run away. Not the time to hide.

Now is the time to take my hand. It’s the time to come inside.

Need someone to bring it into me. Heartbeats counting down one by one. Need an exorcist to pull this cancer out of me. In the face of love the ghost of all gone wrong I see. I used to know where real life and dreams separated, in between heartbeats I’m still searching. There’s a ghost living inside of me. With every breath I take it’s haunting me. Won’t let go until I’m withered and gone. Need someone to make it go away.

Now is not the time to run away. I’ll face the light of this new day.

Take my hand from over my eyes. I need you by my side.

Heartbeats counting two by two. To face the ghosts all I need is you.

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Love Is

Love is first sight, shimmering light found in smiling eyes. A dozen roses, warm fires and red wine, the door to vulnerability opened when all is fine. Finding meaning in the meaningless, necessity in the unnecessary. It’s the melting touch that you need so much, the blinding beauty even if only you see it’s there. It’s having the courage to do it, the courage to live for them, to show that you care.

Love is Christmas in July, the swimming butterflies round your heart, the music of their voice that makes the hardest stone cry. Walking in the park, setting free the fears and giving your all, birthdays, holidays, every days. Break down the walls or allow them to be broken. Emotion and passion, the burning bond in words unspoken. Sparks become flames and there’s no desire to extinguish, the bed in which we sleep, where the talk always sounds so sweet.

Love is the feeling I get when we’re together, it grows when we’re apart, it grows right now. Simple pleasures become deep oceans of emotions, see myself in you, see myself with no one but you. It’s the security in every day I live, love is as good to receive as it is to give. It’s everywhere, in what we see and share. Open hearts, open pages, open eyes, open veils, it’s the melting touch that you need so much. The blinding beauty even if only you see it’s there. It’s having the courage to do it, the courage to live for them, to always be there, the courage to love someone.

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Streetlight Symphony

Peace of mind is hard to find. Wind-blown kisses from the summer side. A red streetlight ahead, saying goodbye to all there is left. Fantasy and reality, thoughts and dreams, asking why is not an option. A green streetlight signals the next step of life is here. Though the sun may never set on us, the years of twilight will be an unkind reminder. A yellow streetlight says hold on to the emotion, the future could go either way.

When you go don’t say goodbye. I don’t want to know it’s over.

When you go I’ll close my eyes. I’ll fool myself a little longer.

When you go don’t say goodbye. You’ll share my dreams and own my thoughts.

When you go I will survive. It may have been reality but you were my fantasy.

Peace of mind is hard to find. All my answers are lost on the other side. Green to red or red to green, the only love I know is the love that I have been in. There may be nothing left for you here, and you’ll take my beauty and inspiration with you. But if ever in time you should need me to, I’ll drop what I call my life and come find you.

When you go don’t say goodbye. I’ll face reality another day.

When you go I’ll close my eyes.

The breeze on my face will be a fantasy that you’ve stayed.

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What He Waits For

My heart is a lost soldier.

Still fighting battles long after the war is over.

Trying to find a way back to shore,

waiting for his ship to rescue him.

My heart is a song without words,

waiting to hear the voice that completes him.

My heart is pounding loudly through the night keeping me awake.

My heart is a prisoner,

looking through the bars at life going on outside.

Meditates, levitates, and gravitates toward the light to pass the time.

Stranded and strained, the wind blows my heart away.

I can feel it when she’s around me,

the restless rumbling won’t let me be.

My heart is a lost cause,

slipping back into the wound of love unkind.

Wanting what he cannot have, searching,

never finding, still all alone.

My heart is blue, feelings and colors,

everything in shades and hues.

Waiting for what will not arrive,

it will never make sense to anyone else.

My heart is swimming in a pool of endless memories,

a constant wave of emotion.

Wanting nothing but to be free, wanting only to be hers,

she is the searchlight in my dark sky.

Wanting nothing to be shined on, lying peacefully in the soft grass while sweet love comes pouring down.

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Wednesday, January 8, 2025

One Billion Heartbeats

One Billion Heartbeats

One billion heartbeats since your heart beat next to mine.

Ocean blue bathed in a snow white sheet. It’s not enough to know wounds are healed with time.

One billion breaths since we breathed the same air. It freezes into crystals and rises out of sight.

White sandy beach, white snowy mountain, are stars above where you sit tonight.

One billion wishes on shooting stars. Held tightly between breaths when speaking is not allowed.

Truth could be bold and proud. It’s one billion wishes on lightning bugs in mason jars.

One billion faces I’ve seen. One billion steps I am in between.

When the colors have all been bled, it heavies the head the words left unsaid.

One billion heartbeats since your face made mine skip a beat.

One billion crossroads, misdirections, since you were staring back at me.

One billion faces. One billion voices. One billion wishes drowned out by the sea.

Wishing one face could make me see what you made me see.

In My Footsteps Podcast Episode 177: 1995 Year In Music Pt. 1, What Was The Noid?, 1980s FOX TV Show Fails, Debut of Apple iTunes(1-8-2025)

A look back at 1995 the year in music. What in the world was The Noid? Some of the early fails of the FOX television network.
Episode 177 helps light a fire of nostalgia during the dark days of winter.
The show kicks off with a killer guitar riff and thumping bass line as we look at 1995 the year in music. This is the first of two parts. It covers January - June 1995. The rest of the year will be covered in July.
The 1980s were filled with unique and sometimes downright weird product mascots. Perhaps none exemplified those descriptions like The Noid. A creation of Domino's Pizza the Noid was meant to shine a positive light on the pizza chain's quality and delivery service. Did it work? We'll do a deep dive.
Although it seems like forever the FOX television network has been around for less than four decades. Those initial years of the late 1980s were filled with growing pains. This week's Top 5 takes a look at some of the biggest show failures of the FOX network in the 1980s. Married with Children and The Simpsons are NOT on this list.
There is also a brand new This Week In History and Time Capsule focused on the groundbreaking creation of Apple's iTunes.
For more great content become a subscriber on Patreon!

Helpful Links from this Episode

Listen to Episode 176 here

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