This is a weekly recurring series featuring 5 poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and my mind were like at a certain age. It will also show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. We return to 1999. I was still in college but was rapidly approaching the Quarter-Life Crisis turning 21 years old.
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Chips, Beer, and Boredom
Bored with life, nothing’s happening. Time is a mile-long journey per second, or so it seems. The silence of sound is deafening, but could it be any louder? It’s weird how the deadest of silence feels more intense than massive noise.
Bored with progress, everything is stalled. Need to kick start today, or get ahead on tomorrow. Bubbling under the lazy man’s face is the soul filled with lightning, flashing, and waiting for something to race. But in this dull and slow-paced world, it lay dormant; perhaps it will never reveal itself. A loud crash, not shaking me from this path I’m on. A compass with a predetermined destination can’t juggle fate, can’t change expectations.
Bored with it all, the cry of the feeble-minded. There’s always a way, just need to look with the mind, not just the eyes. Sinking in before it’s too late, color the air blind to avoid the realization of self-destruction. Thought the slate was cleaned for me, looks like I’ll have to do it myself. Being bored is bad for your health.
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I Fell
Once I fell in love, glasses and pigtails, all her world I felt in a hug. She a part-time interest with the miles to prove so. Spend 24/7 for 365 to get that one glimpse to keep me alive. The minutes we had together were minutes heaven sent. Months in between, I spent missing her, I thought was time well spent. But then I grew up. The letters and pictures that further disconnected her image from my mind couldn’t fill the hole. Didn’t want to hold on to hope, to hang on like a fool to the feelings for the sake of them. So I let go, and I moved on, to find out what lay up ahead.
Once I fell in love, bright eyes masking sunshine, blonde hair, couldn’t help but stare. She would stay a prisoner in my mind, with images emblazoned by the masses, it seemed to be the right time. Wanted so badly to be that guy, just a kid myself, to be him was not right. Shining armor with a backpack besides, guess when it’s perfection you’re thinking, the flaws are what decide. But then I wised up. Dreams of a place I’d never see weighed too heavy to stop from being free. Couldn’t stand the backward thoughts she felt, wouldn’t wait until she came around. Took me a while, but I walked on, left that door locked to keep the memories as just that, left ‘em all behind.
Once I fell in lust, thrown together oil and water, mix to fix and force the sense. Day after week after month spent trying to show false feelings and give in to lying. Saved her soul by being a hero, pedestal the excuse to stay near her. Made myself believe what wasn’t true, she was an option to being alone, just a time killer, only a space filler. But then I sobered up. Rays of light broken drunken spells, swallowed on mortality, grew the balls to let it fall away. I thought it was painful, a 180 to convince what was once unreachable, but I lived on. Hold was let go, mistakes and words unspoken, finally freedom welcomed me.
Once I fell in love, a seemingly untouchable goddess. She a ladder to heaven, blind eyes to my bruised senses. This love beat me into submission, her shake and twist led to heartfelt admissions. Sat and waited, empty bottle with a half-full glass. Sense from nonsense, knowledge from ignorance. Then I gathered up the words key to open my cell. So I marched on, up to her and revealed my identity, true expression, the lasting impression. Like a million pounds lifted, my feather in the wind floating body carried away with her response. I lived a hundred lifetimes for what I have right now, the time I fell in love with someone who loved me too.
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Recyclable Tupperware
She’s breakin’ up with me on my deathbed. Says time’s come to think about herself. It couldn’t wait another minute. She’s my savior, I’m her plague, and her loving pain’s pushed me to the limit.
She can’t cash in on a will I haven’t signed.
She can’t deny that her love for me has declined.
She wants me to climb her thorny vines.
She wants me to taste her rose garden.
But she won’t tell me that I’m okay.
She’s breakin’ up with me on my deathbed. Says we’ve grown apart in the last few hours. It couldn’t wait another minute. She’s my queen, I’m her pawn, and her hands are so gentle as she tears my heart out.
She melts my resolve with her eyes.
She leaves me stranded in a dream.
She’s chasing me down a dead-end street.
I stop to look behind and she runs away.
But she’ll chase again when I decide to run.
She’s breakin’ up with me on my deathbed. Says time’s come to move on. It couldn’t wait another minute. She’s my china, I’m her Tupperware, and she turns on the generator after pulling the plug, but she won’t tell me she loves me.
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Three Chord Romance
Tonight it feels like forever’s not long enough.
Tonight feels like I’ll never let go.
I believe in the fantasies and the words we dare not say.
Tonight is all rolled into one, dreams for which we pray.
You were there through this fantastic journey I made, you remained,
when the silence of the night crept in you stayed.
I believe I found it in your smile, brightly lit, asking me to stay a while.
I’d like to keep it simple right now, don’t want you to get the wrong idea,
but I’m not sure if I want the right one to slip out yet.
I got caught in the middle of confessions, deepest revelations,
the rest was swept away with the brush of your hair.
For now I’m stuck with half a thought that doesn’t make any sense.
You knowing the truth, the secret being out,
would take the magic from my daydreams.
So many times I whispered your name into the trees and hoped it’d carry to you on the hint of a summer’s breeze.
If in our bliss the moon should fall, we’ll pick it back up,
put on a pedestal of stones thrown and collected.
Then we’ll lie in the shadows, a future of flowering meadows,
and let time drift by with the clouds.
Even when you have to go, the pain I feel helps my spirit grow,
cause if the first time never ends, how can the next time ever begin?
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