What I've Learned In My 40s(so far): 5. There Is No Expiration Date On Your Dreams

I turned 40 on November 2, 2017. There is an old saying that ‘life begins at 40.’ I used to think that was just something middle-aged people said to make them feel younger. Maybe that is a part of it. I do believe that the wisdom behind that saying is that you spend those first 39 years accumulating all kinds of knowledge that you then can start to put into practice when you hit the Big 4-0.

For me, as I stare down 47, I can honestly say that my 40s so far have been the most difficult and also rewarding decade of my life. I never thought I’d find a time where I’d feel more unsure, insecure, lost, and yet filled with optimism. My teens used to be the benchmark until my 40s.

I’ve learned a lot in my life. Some of it has been useful as I’ve aged. A lot has been pointless. No amount of studying prepares you for coming to grips with your own aging, your own mortality, or your own demons. No amount of preparation can soften the blow of loss and grief. My 40s have been a trial by fire. They have seen me dropped in hostile environments mentally with no survival gear and having to learn on the fly.

So what have I learned in my 40s so far? A lot.

 5. I’ve Learned There Is No Expiration Date On Your Dreams

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.”

That quote is attributed to writer George Eliot. I attribute it to my Grampa. For you see I have that quote handwritten from him on a piece of paper sticking out of a mirror. I see it every day and remember the reason why he wrote it.

I had wanted to be a writer from the time I was 8. Over the years my dreams morphed into singer/songwriter, film director, poet, novelist, travel writer, podcaster, and finally where it is today, content creator. That is a sort of catch-all. It means I want to use my mind to craft works that people enjoy and will hopefully pay for.

My dreams of being totally self-employed as a content creator drive me. I like being a trainer but if I got the opportunity to work only for myself I’d do it in a heartbeat. I am in my late-40’s now and that still is the case. Dreams shouldn’t have a shelf life. If you truly want something and truly believe in it you should keep pursuing it. There are times when the content I create (podcasts, blogs, videos, etc) is the only thing that makes me happy.

I have had many times that I thought I was close to achieving this self-sufficient dream only to fall short and fall back. There have been times I’ve thought about giving up on a dream and falling in line with some mundane unfulfilling job just to make money. Then I think of those words my Grampa wrote for me.

I had 4 published books at the time, was a few months from turning 40, and was still having to work a full-time day job to make ends meet. I told Grampa that I didn’t know if I’d ever get to where I wanted to be. He wrote those words down. He said that even though he didn’t come up with them those words were what he believed and they were what I should believe, especially on the days when I felt less than.

Today I have 9 published books, hundreds of podcasts videos, and blogs. I still have to work a day job though. At this point, it is a mix of stubbornness and fear that keeps me going. I have come so far that I am always of the mindset that the big break is just a moment away. I also have had many friends and family who have supported me and I fear letting them down by giving up.

Maybe tomorrow something major will happen. Maybe it won’t. I feel that as long as I am on that road that the chance is always there. You don’t have to want to be a writer, content creator, or anything like that. Whatever your dream is, your real dream, keep chasing it because the only time you truly fail is when you give up.

Next: Part 6 - You Are In Charge Of Your Own Life, Nobody Is Coming To Save You.

Previous: Part 4 - Nothing Is Guaranteed and Sometimes A Step Back Can Move You Forward

Initial Impressions 2.0 Blog #45: Early Sunsets, Metal Pile Mayhem, Food Coma, etc.

 

1. It always makes me feel like I’m up to no good when sitting in my car in a beach parking lot after dark. Maybe because plenty of times I used to be up to no good. At this time of year though with the sunset at about 4:20(nice), it is possible to sit in a dark secluded beach parking lot at 5pm. That’s still a good chunk of daylight when in the summer. Yet there I am sitting in the parking lot wondering if I should move on before the cops come and yell. Part of me still feels like I’m 18.

2. There was a momentarily fun flashback this week in an unexpected way. I needed to finally throw away an old mini-fridge that had been sitting in a storage area where I live for years. Ripping the door off of it to be allowed to throw it away at the local dump was fun. When I got there to toss it I had flashbacks as I had to put the fridge body in one area. The door and any insides needed to be thrown into the neighboring metal pile. Way back in the 90s several friends and I used to frequent the metal pile. We lived nearby plus it was in a different area of the dump. We used to sneak through the woods and then perform acts of mayhem like whipping rocks into the televisions. You know, teenage boy crap. No, I didn’t try to smash any TVs this time but the memories did flood back.

Memories of mayhem.

3. It’s a bit disheartening when I share thoughts and problems in my life. Rather than friends and family being understanding and supportive it ends up being a pissing match. It seems to always be one of those ‘Oh you think that’s bad, well here’s what’s going on in my life.’ I typically end up as everyone’s sounding board but when it’s time for me to vent there’s no one to listen. I hate being so closed off as I feel now but it’s like why reach out when it seems like nobody is willing to give, only take. I am learning not to expect what you give in return.

4. A random question I needed to find an answer to was: Where do seagulls sleep? The reason why? I was at the beach shooting the sunset and the parking lot was packed with dozens of gulls hanging out. Even right after the sun went down they were like little white dots all over the pavement. Then seemingly out of nowhere, they all were gone. I figured after dark they all go to a more secluded spot and sleep while a few stand guard. That’s kind of true as I found in my research. I just found it interesting that the beach went from seagull party to empty in a snap. As my Uncle Steve would say, they all did their ‘Irish goodbyes.’ That just means leaving quietly before anyone notices.

5. It’s amazing and a bit overwhelming to stop and think about how different your life would be had you made different choices. For me, I can think off the top of my head of at least a dozen pivotal moments in my life where if I’d gone left instead of right my life would look so different. These choices could be certain people, jobs, or things that were said. Also, not all of these choices necessarily would have made my life better. Some of them I think would have led to other multiple choice questions. It’s kind of like standing on a road and the road splinters off, and again, and again, until it’s like a huge spiderweb.

So many different roads.

6. A change of scenery can really lead to a change of mind. I always find that going to the college library to write and work on content is a far more rewarding experience than doing it at home. I don’t know if it’s because I associate the library with my time there as a student so I know when I’m in the library it’s work time? Maybe I feel I need to step my game up when surrounded by people there trying to better themselves? Whatever it is I do enjoy it and need to make it more of a part of my habit like it was years ago.

7. For 15 years since my Nana died I had owned several of her belongings because I wanted things to remember her. I have her old crossword puzzle pen, her old gigantic television, and the stand it came on that my Uncle Eric had to saw parts of the sides off of so the TV would fit. I also had her microwave. Finally this week I decided to upgrade and get a new microwave. There were loads of Black Friday deals so I got a good price. I went to Best Buy in the Cape Cod Mall. The funny thing was that the microwave was too small to need help bringing it out to my car but too big for it to be a simple task. I ended up heaving it up onto my shoulder and walking out like that, keeping one hand free to show the employee at the front my receipt so they didn’t think I was just stealing microwaves.

8. I don’t know what is more crowded. Is it the local stores on Black Friday? Or is it the local gym on Black Friday filled with people feeling guilty about how much food they ate on Thanksgiving? I’d think you’d be safer being at the crowded gym where you can only get a dumbbell dropped on your foot. In a crowded store, you might get stabbed by some crazy parent who wants the last doll on a shelf. I’ll stick to online shopping thank you.

9. Fun fact, it takes roughly 20-30 minutes of eating before your brain recognizes it’s full. Another fun fact, on Thanksgiving I did not heed this warning from my mother. When I say it was the most painful type of being full I’d ever experienced I am not lying. It felt like I had a cinder block lodged in my ribs and stomach. It was almost comical how terrible I felt, more so after I started feeling better a few hours later. I had to stand outside on my mom’s deck for a while trying to stay upright until my body could start digesting. Believe me, all of the food my mom made was amazing. That’s the main reason I was stuffed like a beached whale.

How I felt on Thanksgiving.

10. The places might change, and the guest list might change, but the feelings of thankfulness and gratefulness don’t change for me. The older I get I appreciate even more having those times to get together with family and friends. Thanksgiving is of course a day of food as you could tell from the entry above. However, I’d take just hanging with family and friends with no food over eating until I can’t move by myself. Of course, a mix of both is always good as well.