2004: My Life In Poetry Form (Part 3) - Throwback Thursday

 

This is a recurring series featuring five poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and mind were like at a certain age and show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. We return to 2004. I was 26 years old. I had met one of the most important people and was in the midst of an important relationship in my life. It highly affected my writing.

----------------------------------------------

Raindrops

Staring out of my window, the raindrops changing shapes before my eyes.

I’d love to watch the sunrise, I’d love to see some blue skies, but I haven’t got past this rain-soaked window yet. Turning to my wall, headlights flash a tearful rain shadow. It could be the angels' tears for me; someday I will know. Sitting on the bed unmade, on the spot where last night I prayed. For a voice, a sign, a reason or rhyme, for some raindrops in my head to wash clean my mind. It’s silent in here now but for the rain, like pebbles tapping a prayer for me. Looking at the ceiling, through it up and away to where I know you are. The distance in miles and years doesn’t seem so far. I know you can hear my whispers through the falling stars. Staring out of my window, 

the rain rolling down reminds me of me. 

Soon those drops will dry, so in time, I hope, will mine.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Art of Losing

Tell me, my baby, where did you go?

I woke up this morning, and everything was gone.

It's so cold, the world is dark, without you in my arms.

Can I find you? Will you come back?

Everything is blue, 

from my eyes to the sky and every inch in between.

Inside I'm wasting away, crippled and broken-hearted; 

it could be my last day.

I'm tired from tears, weak from chasing answers, 

lost in all my fears.

Why can't I find you baby? You used to be everywhere.

There are no words I can say. Look into my heart, 

you'll find it all in there.

I love you so much it hurts, now the pain is all I have left of you.

If I could paint a picture of me without you, 

all I'd need is gray and blue.

Can you hear me calling you baby?

I went to bed last night, 

and your name was all the night could hear.

The sun rose black as coal, my mind is a winter storm, 

no one can find me.

Only you can save me from this lonely road I'm on.

You hold the sweetest verse to my most beautiful song.

I've lost my voice, I've only got one choice, to admit I was wrong.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Under the Streetlight

Spinning slowly around.

Slow dancing with my baby under the streetlight shining down.

I can smell your sweet perfume when I close my eyes.

In my ear you sing a soft lullaby.

I could stay here forever, as long as we're together, I'll dance with you wherever, the streetlight is shining down.

Rest now, our dance floor is quiet.

Hold me tight and feel my heartbeat.

Never has my life felt this complete.

Here slow dancing with my baby on an empty street.

We don't know why, but here we are.

Weaving in and out of the headlights of passing cars.

Eye to eye and cheek to cheek, still a little too far.

No need to look up, I'm face to face with my own beautiful star.

I could stay here forever, and as long as we're together, I'll dance with you wherever the streetlights are shining down.

----------------------------------------------

Your Eyes

I’ve been thinking about you, all the time, and every day. Something you do to me makes it so I can’t turn away. I’ve been wondering could this thing so beautiful be true. It’s your eyes; I’m hypnotized. There’s magnificence I see in them exotic rains enhancing the flames. It’s your eyes. They’re shining peace through the storms. Those eyes and what they give, I want to see through them. I want to see how the world’s beauty looks, like the ocean waves melting away.

I’ve been seeing you, walking endlessly inside my mind. You’re just a daydream, but something remains. You’re playing me like a song I can’t stop. Should I turn this melody up? It’s ringing in my ears all night. Your voice keeps me hanging on, singing through the night until dawn. It’s your eyes. There’s a sensual mix of crazy and love. It’s your eyes. They’re the deep end of the ocean, they turn my stone to clay. Those eyes and how they make me feel, I want to see through them. I want to see how they separate you from the rest, how they capture hearts and minds.

All that is mystery is in your eyes. All that is heaven on earth, all that keeps me going. When I have no direction, it’s where I look. When I feel too cold to move, it’s where the warmth lies. They hold back the hurricane, but could bring the storm at any time. They hold back the river, but could flood my mind in a wink. They could break me, but they hold the strength to save this falling man. It’s your eyes, I’m speechless. It’s your eyes, it’s hopeless. It’s your eyes, nothing less. I want to see inside; I must confess. I want to see you through your eyes. I want to see me through your eyes.

I want to see through your eyes.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2003: My Life In Poetry Form (Part 3) - Throwback Thursday

 

This is a recurring series featuring five poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and mind were like at a certain age and show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. We return to 2003. I was 25 years old. This was a time featuring a lot of soul-searching and trying to figure out what my path in life was supposed to be.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Garden Road

I want to send you flowers for Valentine’s Day. Chocolate kisses and sweet candies with the loving words they say. We listen to the band’s rhythm while I pour out my heart into a wine glass. I want to fly and paint clouds with your name in the summer sky. I want to deliver you any wish you desire, deliver you wings if you wanted to go higher. Give you a rope to lasso the shimmering moon, or a net to swipe pearls from the sea. Or the simple pleasure of a walk in the park and a passing of a kiss between you and me. I want time to sleep while we lay in the grass, so close only between us does our breath pass. The birds could change tunes for a while and sing a lullaby for our mind’s to slip into. As we walk that rose-lined garden road we can grow together while our feelings never grow old.

I want to see emotions swell as I wrap my love around your finger. I want to hold tight to that moment, and when I am lonely, linger in its everlasting beauty. I have no petty promises, no shiny double-edged sword. There is no tarnishing of this unity, just an exchange of vows to make our love sacred. Infinitely we dance, eternally sharing one heart, each day a new chapter for us will start. I want a piece of you in me, for you I’ll give my all because a piece is too small. I want time to sleep, it has no purpose now because the race is over. I want to find love, and with it peace and strength. I’ll be where ever you want to be. I want to send you flowers for any day, no meaning or reason, it doesn’t have to be a special occasion anyway. I want to be in your arms today and stretch it into forever. In your heart I want to stay, and in your thoughts to dance and play. I want to have a love, another place to call home. I won’t let you down if you let me in.

I simply want to be with you.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some Kind Of Magic

You must have some kind of magic girl. You changed my life the moment you stepped into it. I was sad and lonely, the world so dirty and cruel. Are you real, sometimes I can not tell. To me it all seems so good, a dream I could wake from at any moment. It’s plain to see, you’re all I wanted and more finally happening to me. I think too much, how this luck fell to me. The answer is so simple running so deep. If I could let you in my mind I would tell you of your powers, I should. I’ll give you my heart without hesitation, my very soul without reservation, a fair trade for this beauty you rain down on me. You may not believe it, I’d gladly give more to receive it. I may sound like a fool. You must be some kind of magic girl, cause you’ve made me a fool for you.

You’ve brought the rains to the desert heat.

Brought the color to the black landscape.

Reminded me why I kept waiting so long.

Gave me the real emotions to put in a song.

Taken away the fear and left me nervous.

Shown me that tomorrow still has promise.

Made a believer out of someone once secluded.

Shone a warm light into the darkness I created.

Brought a smile, stay for a while.

Looking into the prettiest eyes, I fall into them a while.

It’s almost funny how fast you changed my outlook.

I guess the first instant of the first moment was all it took.

------------------------------------------

Three Words

I have to say the words I’ve been too afraid to say. The ones that keep me awake at night, and consume me everyday. I have to say the words that mean so much to me, but nothing to you if you don’t hear them. The words that can change emotions in a single breath, held in high regard above all the rest. I have to say the words, but I’ve forgotten how to speak them.

I have to ask a question, a response to the words I’ll say. One whose answer can clear a stormy sky, and finally light my way. I have to ask a question that may surprise you, may entice you, may stop you in your tracks. It’s the question that sends the heart bouncing around the body there’s no way to relax. I have to ask a question, but I don’t know how to listen to the answer.

I have a confession to make, clearing up my feelings and leaving no mistake. My heart is here yours for the taking. I am only a peasant to the queen no need for waiting. I have a confession maybe it’s not a surprise. If you ever looked upon me once and seen what’s in my eyes. They see no one but you in crowds or alone, and your beauty remains long after you’re gone. I have a confession but need not say the words.

I have to say the words I’ve been dying for so long to say. The ones that can’t wait an instant for the chance that you get away. I have to say the words that are so loosely used but not by my lips. They are sacred and powerful enough to change hearts and lives. The words that can bring light where nothing else survives. I have to say the words and never second guess. It’s a love there inside them, and it’s for you that I confess.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With The Seasons

Summer’s ending, some hearts breaking, some now mending.

All eyes fill with tears, some cry in sadness, some tears of joy.

I felt the pain those broken feel.

I feel the happiness now where some had said I was numb.

All people have an empty space inside, some can fill it, some fall in it.

My hole was where my heart lay, surrounded by ice and padlocked shut.

She was just a name, words without a face,

but by breath one in her presence my heart saw daylight.

Winter’s coming, some rest easy, some lost in the cold.

Where I am may become frozen for a time, I will be the melting point,

feeling a warmth like no other.

I long for the sunrise, I can face the rain, if on the other side is where she is.

All people know love when they find it, even if none can define it.

I wrote the book on loss, what was and what could never be, 

somehow it is now.

She could have been another page, a drop in the bucket, still she stays.

Summer’s gone, it will be dark soon, 

clouds or stars my eyes are lit by a face.

All of us get lost, we need to discover who we are.

I was inside myself, she gave me reason to step out.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2002: My Life In Poetry Form (Part 3) - Throwback Thursday

 

This is a weekly recurring series featuring five poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and mind were like at a certain age and show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. We return to 2002. I was 24 years old. The Quarter-Life Crisis was hitting hard and left me in a period of depression and reflection.

------------------------------------------------------------

Getting There And Passing By

Don’t ask me where I am going. Don’t ask me where I’ve been. I’m always between getting there and passing by, so I’m not sure where I am. Don’t think me unkind if the words don’t come out right. If I don’t have that much to say, I’ll break the wall and flood the beds someday. Don’t ask “Where are you going?” when I have no plans to move at all. Don’t speak over my breathing, it might be all the sound you get.

Don’t ask me what I want. Don’t ask me of all I wanted to be. My wishes are ripening on the branches, just waiting to be harvested. Don’t think me unworthy of all your secrets and promises. If you tell me slowly, I’ll understand. I’ll place the image in the front of my mind. Don’t ask “What do you want?” unless silence and confusion are what you wish. Don’t look through my eyes, or think through my mind, unless you’re ready to never come back.

Don’t ask me where I am going when I’m really nowhere at all. Don’t ask me where I’ve been when all I see is highway scenery whipping by my frightened eyes. If you feel betrayed by your own senses, you can feel what I’ve said. If you feel bought and sold with a body so old, you understand all the pain. If you have a map to everywhere but your roots have you chained, you can hear my words in your mind. Don’t ask me where I am going, unless everyone else stops moving. Don’t ask me where I’ve been, unless you’ve been living side by side in my life. Don’t ask me where I am going, unless you plan on taking me there.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Of Heroes Lost

Sleep. Rest now, my friend. The hero has run out of miracles. No one was there to save him. Tell me why, then tell me again. Why do simple dreams have complicated ends? If I asked, would you let me feel your pain? If it’s not too much, I’ll wear your shoes for a while. For so long, I wished I could thank you, but the words are here too late.

Fly. Show us how important you are by going away. The hero who runs out of miracles is a hero no more. Nobody cares when you’re face down on the floor. Nobody cares when you can’t help them anymore. It’s the circle of life to be built and torn down again. Show me how, then show me again. How to make the seas part and the river’s bend. If I asked, would you let me be a pawn in your game? For so long, I wished I could see through your eyes, but the light has grown dark all around you.

Now my hero sleeps. All the gold he had was not the wealth he wanted. Sometimes I wish I could have let him see. Sometimes I wish we could’ve taken off for the sky and let himself be. A little piece of my life. My hero’s taken a little piece of my life since he’s gone. It’s a time now where a hero is hard to find. It’s a time when it’s hard to find. It’s so hard to find, well, whatever, nevermind...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One True Thing

I don’t know what you want, 

I don’t know what you’re looking for.

I don’t know if you’ve had enough 

or if you want some more.

It’s been a while since I’ve asked you, 

guess it’s time I ask again.

Will you allow me to be there for you 

and love you until the end?

Questions are questions, always there for you to ask. If there’s an answer, search for it, I’ll try. The past is a shadow soon to fade in the day with a love that brings tears to your eyes. If you’re weak, I will carry you and never let go; if you’re tired, fall asleep in my arms. If you cry, I will hold you, and the things that I’ve told you will remain true every day. And I’ll sing you off into the night.

I don’t know what you need, I don’t know what’s in store.

I don’t know if the road is tough 

or if we’re drifting away from shore.

It’s been a while since I’ve asked you, 

guess it’s time I ask again.

Will you allow me to love you 

and hold you forever, my best friend?

Soon we will grow with so much more that we know, there’s time, if you ask, I will wait.

I won’t stand in the shadows if the sky starts to fall, if it tumbles, we’ll be sheltered from it all. If you’re cold, I will warm you; if you’re frightened, find safety in my arms. If you cry, I will hold you, and the things that I’ve told you will remain true every day. And I’ll stay with you until everything is all right.

-----------------------------------------

Sleepwalking

Sleepwalking through my day. Closed my eyes until all the thoughts went away. Sleepwalking through my night. So thirsty, but I can’t drink the wine. Sleepwalking through time. Days, minutes, hours, now a state of mind long forgotten. Sleepwalking through my life. It’s amazing how far you can go when you don’t know where you’re going. You just keep on walking.

Sleepwalking while I’m awake. Reaching into the darkness, trying to touch whatever’s there. Sleepwalking a long stretch of highway. Between dusk and sunset, my footsteps fall. Sleepwalking a thousand miles. A year feels like a day, a day feels like a dream I just can’t shake. You just keep on walking.

Sleepwalking through my day. Opened my eyes until the light burned the tears away. Sleepwalking through my night. So thirsty from drinking the wine. Sleepwalking through time. What does time mean anyway? Sleepwalking through my life. It’s amazing where you end up when you don’t know where you’re going.

You just keep on walking.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1997-1998: My Life In Poetry Form - Throwback Thursday

 

This is a weekly recurring series featuring 5 poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and my mind were like at a certain age. It will also show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. We have come back around to 1997 and 1998. I was in college and was 19 and 20 years old.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No Two Are the Same

What is love? Can someone explain?

How does it let in the sun, but cloud our eyes with pouring rain?

Feel it, deep inside, is a warmth to heal the coldest soul.

Seal it, fate, stabbing pains conquer like a thousand steely thorns.

What is love? Can someone tell me?

How do we earn this gift, then piss it away as an excuse to get burned?

Calms you, soothes your mind, peaceful as a cool autumn wind.

Disarms you, drains our sight, violent as the weakness of sin.

What is love? Can someone open my eyes?

Where do we find the right to use it, 

and then lose grip with the wrongs to abuse it?

Clears out, the darkness escapes, exposing the light we hide in our souls.

Fears shout, weakness comes forward to open wounds like the deepest black hole.

I know what love is. I’ll tell you it’s all that’s divine.

Contains the most sensual of touches, an inner beauty so fine.

Helps the helpless go on, makes the longest of waits seconds.

Holds us up high above the river, where heartache on the waves crest.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dream Catcher

Dream catcher, catch me a good life.

Dream catcher, bring me a good wife.

Dream catcher, show me the way home.

Oh please don’t let me live alone.

Dream catcher, come on and show me, all the things I’ve yet to see.

Show my eyes all I can be, all I need to be is me.

Dream catcher, don’t break my heart.

Just give me a beautiful place to start.

Dream catcher, capture a moment, in time to make me fly high above the clouds in the sky.

Dream catcher, solve my problems, give me the answers to questions why.

You’ve got to take my heart out from this world.

Take my heart to that one special girl.

Take my heart and fill it with love.

Take my heart, all I need to be is me.

Dream catcher, give me a sign.

Where I’ll be going in time.

Tortured spirit or kindly divine.

Dream catcher, I’ll know what’s mine.

Soft lights, gentle sound, perfect feelings all around, she is there, sweet love we’ll make.

Oh dream catcher, I never want to wake, I never want to wake, never want to wake

----------------------------------------------

Forget to Remember

Tide rolls, rolls away, pieces of life remain for strangers to claim,

you or I, we’re all the same.

Is my life to be collected and passed on, or swallowed back into the deep?

The sky closes in, perched above my head to steal the bits and pieces still yet unclaimed.

Don’t forget to remember, the pieces were once you, were once me.

Don’t forget to remember always I am here, pieces uncollected, memories reflected, mirror claims your face, time gets the rest of what’s left.

Wash away, a distant face, clear to gray now out of place.

Once I was a man, footsteps marking the earth,

now my existence is inked with papered words.

When you arrive with me don’t forget to remember all glittering stars fade away,

the most concrete wishes are turned to clay.

Don’t forget to remember, always I am with you.

Blinded eyes see through time, these invisible hands will hold you when you cry.

Don’t forget to remember to look for me in the sky.

Dry up tears of grief, pain will leave when memories return to claim their space.

Will I be remembered here and now for then,

can you keep me alive through smiles and laughs of things I did back when?

When I am gone don’t forget to remember, sunshine, blue sky, who loved you, and why.

Don’t forget to remember not to cry, I see you, live you, breathe you from here.

Give a chance to playing the game of life again,

play for keeps don’t look back for an answer placed right before your eyes.

Don’t forget to remember me, and you’ll know why.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Miss You

Sometimes I wonder how you are at night. Do your brown eyes still shimmer like they’re absorbing the moonlight? Do you think of me, do you wonder if I’m all right? You always seemed to know me best, every beat of your heart I felt in my chest. I would give anything to see you again as a hovering shadow as the sun parts the waves of the sea. Flash a mirror smile toward me, it’s the very essence of all I’ll ever be. You can turn on the light in my heart with beauty that can bring a tear to my eye. I don’t remember, where the colors changed from right to wrong. I’d never felt good enough for you all along. I found myself in what you told me, saw for the first time with the love you showed me. Enlightened in sorrow, cleared out for tomorrow, but I guess you like it in there.

I wish you understood, if you could hear my thoughts when I’m alone. Hear my begging and my pleas, hopes and dreams, and the one image in which I still believe. I must love you because it burns me black that you’re not here. To know you deserve something better, to know I need someone like you, to believe so deeply you’ve found the one and still be turned away. Peace, love, and happiness are all I want for you to feel. I’m tired of being down, beating myself up for being scared. I’m tired of being alone. Without you I’m not all I could be. I’m lost and you’re the guide. We need each other, need to find each other, hold on to each other, through the night and beyond.

I need to say I miss you until I’ve gone numb from heartache. I wish you were here now, I let this happen it was my mistake. You need to know that wherever you go you can always call on me and I’ll be there. I pray until the words grow old, pray you will catch wind of these cries. See through the shield of insecurity, catch sight of my heart and soul’s purity. Most of all I need to say how much I love you. It’s more beautiful than a pearl from the deepest ocean floor. I need you. You’ve captured my all and everything too and there’s nothing I want more. I want you. I’d forget the past and remember nothing but your love and feel as wealthy as a king in a golden castle. We need each other, as we are two halves of the same one. There’s a chance, for you and me, for us and all we’ll ever be. A heartbeat in two rhythms. There’s hope, we’ll be together, as one, no pressure, you deserve only all I can give. No fear, no lies, just you and I, no reason for goodbyes. Just the thought of you lying next to me gives me all I need to be alive.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2006 - 2020: My Life In Poetry Form - Throwback Thursday

 

This is a recurring series featuring five poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and mind were like at a certain age and show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. We will cover the years from 2006 through 2020. I was staring down 30 and began working on ebooks. Eventually, this led to 9 published books. It meant that my poetry days were far fewer. That said, there are still some great works to share.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Emerald Eyes

My breaking point is my waking point.

The dream like your emerald eyes, was too good to be true.

Hoping and wishing but I don’t get through.

Can’t go on living my life around you.

I felt so much so deeply, but now I won’t cry.

A cast away on a desert isle, I’ll be living in solitude for a while.

C’mon baby, gimme what I need, prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.

C’mon baby now don’t you cry,

this is the point where I say goodbye.

C’mon baby I got what you need,

love to satisfy you if you know what I mean.

C’mon baby it’s time you know, this is the point where I let you go.

Tried making a point I couldn’t get to the point.

You should have known but didn’t have a clue.

The velvet skies, your perfect disguise, I feel older but not wise.

You will never know how far I’d have run,

moving in slow motion, the scenery is losing focus.

Angel soft skin, where should I begin.

Sail off to the open sea, because my will is growing thin.

Hurt raining down on me, guess I’ll love alone because love is a sin.

Raise the white flag for there is no way to win.

C’mon baby, gimme what I need, prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.

C’mon baby, chased you for too long,

this is the point where I move on.

C’mon baby, I got what you need,

love to satisfy you if you know what I mean.

C’mon baby it was you all along, there is no point only the release here in this song.

I loved you so deeply but time will wash you away.

The winter sun is gone and now I close my eyes,

breaking down for a little while.

Feeling love should not be wrong, if inside you feel it’s right.

Emerald eyes hiding lies behind a thinly veiled loving disguise.

Overwhelming beauty, I didn’t realize.

It’s the beauty that I fear, it’s the beauty that’s the prize.

--------------------------------------------

To Be In Love

How does it feel to be in love? It is something I thought I had known.

It’s a little more when you’ve had enough, and it’s a little less when you’re alone.

How does it feel to love and lose? How can you hide it so it’s not stolen away?

It’s a little more free when you’re locked up,

love finds you when you’re looking the other way.

How does it feel to be in love? The feelings, just seedlings, until the sun is shown.

It’s a little magic when you don’t believe,

and a lot of hurt when it decides to leave.

I’ve made my mistakes, given all it could take. Some were real, most were fake.

I’d die for it, and give all I have for a moment in it.

I could live with the end if I could just begin it.

How does it feel to be alone? You’re just finding out everyone has gone.

It’s a little more empty in a wide open space,

and a little more lonely when it’s looking you in the face.

How does it feel to look and wait? Is it still too early, or already too late?

It’s a little more words with a lot less to say,

and a little more gone when you expect it to stay.

How does it feel to say you love someone and feel the cold from the other side?

How can you give and give so much ignoring your head and your pride?

How is the fight for it worth the pain, when there are never guarantees?

You want her but can’t find her because she doesn’t care where you’ll be.

But I’ve lived my life right, been alone in the night. Sometimes I give up and sometimes I fight. But I keep looking and asking because I need to know.

How does it feel to be in love?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1,000 Days

Woke up, from a dream of 1,000 days

Brushed away the fog of a mirror and a mind in a haze

Ice cold water, the sun in my eyes, I finally saw my face

Peel away the layers, wash away the years, reclaim your place

Feel something when you have nothing, 

numb when your fingers are on everything

Bent to fit another’s mold, when like water, you find your own path

Watch the events unfold, like living inside another’s life

Determined to let the day pass by, resigned it’s all by design

Woke up, from a journey of a million miles

Mountains and valleys, standing solo against the rising tides

Reached through fire and ice in the darkness of trials

In an ocean of uncertainty floating on a raft of denial

1,000 days and 1,000 more

One step closer to my hand on the door

A million miles in every inch and one second takes a year

The clock strikes midnight and tomorrow is here

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quiet, So Loud

Inside a vault in a hurricane, quiet so loud

Screaming sirens, blood curdling silence, quiet so loud

Slow motion shatter, closing eyes, constant chatter

One voice rises above the crowd, yours in your mind, quiet so loud

Foggy reflection does the mirror proud

Running from, holding on, setting sun, breaking dawn

Damaging the honor, quiet so loud

Each word is a chapter, each day a thousand years

Dirty nails, scratching the surface, up from underneath

Immortal, immobile, untethered, untouchable, 

quiet so loud like raindrops on the ground

Words scrawled on the mirror proud

Tornado in a mailbox, quiet so loud

Burdened by fire of the red sunrise

Frozen by the chills of a moonless sky

One voice rises from all around, yours in my mind, quiet so loud

In your honor, quiet so loud

--------------------------------------------------------

2005: My Life In Poetry Form - Throwback Thursday

 

This is a recurring series featuring five poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and mind were like at a certain age and show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. We return to 2005. I was 27 years old. An important relationship evolved, changed, and ultimately ended during this year. Love, a brief engagement, and a tumble into despair. This all heavily affected my writing.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Casual

There’s a question I need to ask you.

You have to promise not to answer.

There’s a question I need to ask of you, 

when the time comes that I see you next.

You can answer without words if you like, 

orange lakes of fire in the sky.

How can I plead my case, when it’s right there in my face?

Show me, how those boots strap so high.

Tell me where your hair got that style.

Tell me why each second goes a mile.

Flesh on flesh harmony for a little while.

There’s a problem I have, but I don’t want you to solve it.

Don’t want attachment, just want satisfaction.

There’s something I need to show you, 

you have to promise not to look.

There’s something I need to give you, promise not to give it back.

How does it get so hot, nothing left to cover the spot.

Silence the foreign tongue for a while.

Show me how the low can get me high.

Tell me why I’ve got to find you again.

Show me how my heart can stop when you begin.

How can I walk away, when you know just what to say?

Show me how the cinnamon shimmers like that.

Friction dancing, champagne bottles broken on the floor.

Do we clean it up or let it ride some more?

Quick romancing, mirror filled with eyes at the door.

Tell me how you learned all her lines.

Tell me how someone can change but still stay the same.

There’s a question I need to ask you, 

and I know you’ve got the answer.

Show a few tricks, juices flow and mix,

there’s a feeling but it’s let go, it’s all just for kicks.

There’s a question I need to ask of you, how did it last so long?

There’s a place I need to take you, the last line of a song.

------------------------------------------------------

Philosophy

A lot of people these days are living their lives in their own ways. They tell me not to make waves, get in line and accept your fate like an urban slave. I have seen the top of the mountain lying below sea level. I thought I had known emotion in the past, it was just a sneeze to this earthquake of today. It's a shame that when you find paradise not everyone can come with you. When the forest you're in becomes an ocean all you can do is sail through. When familiar words are no longer heard, in whatever form they take I'll remember the meanings are still the same. There are so many leaders you'd like to worship but you've only enough time to serve one. So many roads may lead you away, always remember where you came from.

One life, one love, one path I'm walking on. One heart, one soul, choose wisely when you give them away. One mind, think for yourself, one hope rises above all else. One body, don't abuse it, self-respect, never lose it. Hold on to your faith and the beliefs that you choose. One life, all your own, I don't know what else there is when it's gone. One love, it's always all that matters. All you need is to one time get it right, and love will love you forever.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What Are You Looking For?

What are you looking for? When you look in my eyes what is it that you want to see? Are you afraid you might see a reflection in me? When I tell you how I love you is that much too much to believe? Even though I don't have much money, what I have I'll give to you. Even though my strength is weakening, I'll scale every wall you want me to. What are you looking for when you look at me? Is it fear we have passed the point of no return with all those signs unseen? Is it the piece of you that is missing, replaced with part of me? All I am is in love with you, all I have is because of you.

What is it that women want? Why is it so hard to put my finger on? I think I find the key to your heart and there you go changing the lock. I feel my heartbeat sounding more like a ticking clock. Playing the waiting game until we both feel the same. Don't I love you right? Don't I help you sleep at night? You are the queen of my small world. Don't I show you you're the only girl, that I could ever give my heart to? What are you hiding from? When love is wrong and loneliness is the prison you call home. What are we fighting for? I laid down my guns and surrendered the moment I saw your face. Some people may call it crazy because they haven't found anything like this love that saved me. It's okay, they see it their way, it's the only way they have a beautiful day. What are you looking for? All you'll ever need is here. Promises are weak, proof happens through the years, when you look up so long from now and I am still here. You won't have to look anymore.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wrong Way Home

Don't be afraid when I'm driving the wrong way on the highway. I find the way home my way. Don't shiver in fear if the light disappears. Sometimes I find my way better in the darkness. Don't turn and run if at times life isn't fun. We may have lived a hundred years but we've only just begun.

Don't cry if I don't weep, don't scream if I don't speak.

If some days I seem far away remember I still love you more than words can say. When there are times I can't lay it on the line, wait on me girl 'cause I'll be fine. Only you can wake me from this dream, sleeping but not as lost as I seem. Just making my backwards way, wrong side of the highway, same trip different day.

Don't be afraid if I take my thoughts and run and hide.

Sometimes what I'm keeping should stay inside.

Don't worry if I step to the ledge, check the winds with my finger and think of a backstroke to the ground. Don't think I've gone over the edge, losing the things I wish made me a bigger man, dreaming of the simple wish that the child keeps alive. Driving the wrong side of the highway, looking toward the sky maybe it's the only way. Don't walk if I can't run, don't break down if at times life isn't fun. We may have lived a thousand years before but we've only just begun. If some days I seem so far away, remember I still love you more than words can say. Only you can wake me from this dream, sleeping but not as lost as I seem.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2004: My Life In Poetry Form - Throwback Thursday

 

This is a weekly recurring series featuring five poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and mind were like at a certain age and show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. We return to 2004. I was 26 years old. I had met one of the most important people and was in the midst of an important relationship in my life. It highly affects my writing.

-----------------------------------------------

Distance

There are times when I am lonely, times when I am scared, times when I feel this distance between us can not be repaired. When I have in my heart all the love in a song, now I do not have a heart, and I do not think I belong. There are rooms with no windows, rooms with a view, rooms with a looking glass door to fall through. I have reached to the sky and fallen to the ground, now this distance is like a shadow following me around. Now I do not feel I belong in this cold lonely town. There are places I have been, places I will not go, things I have discovered and wish I did not know. There are truths that make the lies seem sweeter, and stories you tell to make a mess seem neater. There are times when I want to scream, times when I want to cry, day after day this distance is here and I have not figured out why. All that was right is all that is wrong, since you have been gone I do not feel like I belong.

------------------------------------------------------------

Me Without You

The sky grows dark and the stars come out.

Light is hard to find, I don’t want to open my eyes.

Behind them there is a face, a beauty I don’t want the dawn to erase.

This is me without you.

Summer sun seems cold as ice, as pale as snow that’s fallen twice.

The warmth of an embrace is all the touch I cannot replace.

Under my skin I’m shivering,

as my dreams make promises they’re not delivering.

There is no me without you.

I am just a shell, a soul with no voice, a lost lonely sailor at sea with no choice. I only follow blindly the fog in my mind, a picture of the love that’s left me behind. Steps without walking, words without talking,

my eyes watching the door without blinking.

There is no me without you. I cannot be free without you.

There is nothing to believe without you.

There’s only sadness I receive without you.

The sky grows dark like the sun forgot to rise.

Suddenly a silhouette forms before my eyes.

My heart can’t stop racing no matter how hard it tries.

I touch an angels face and from deep inside I realize…

there is no me without you.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Second Time Around

Falling back in with the same old crowd.

The hole seems deeper the second time around.

Dirty, battered, and broken before, clean was never good enough,

I need to hurt some more.

I need the sky to fill with clouds.

I know where I can hide the second time around.

I need my heart to close its doors.

Love was never going to save me, I need alone some more.

Stumbling back down a foggy set of stairs.

The basement of my mind where nothing was repaired.

Thought I'd learned how to find the light.

But my eyes see the blinding sun as twilight.

I need the dark to hide my eyes.

The second time around I've lost my disguise.

I need that closed book to open again.

It was never to be finished, only a new way to begin.

Falling back in with my same old friends.

Here is the place, and now is when.

Dirty, battered, and broken again, lying on the ground.

Nothing was good enough, it's worse the second time around.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Underground

Plant me and watch me grow.

Feed me full of what you want me to know.

Fragile and cramped under the light.

Small and weak, keep me in the dark of night.

Tear me out by the roots, your work is done.

Cast off into the pile, a journey just begun.

Use my home to grow my clone.

A future so unlimited now to be spent alone.

Trying to use what I've been taught, all the answers change.

Looking over the landscape at all the places to pass the blame.

Do you remember? Why do you remember?

Hurt to remember? Forget to remember?

Give in to surrender? Brain in a blender?

Too bad I'm not a member?

This nightmare's a never ender?

Letters with no sender? Wounded needs a mender?

Plant me and watch me grow.

My seed now six feet below.

Struggle for the air trickling down.

Forget the light I'm staying underground.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------