Pages

Showing posts with label norm macdonald. Show all posts
Showing posts with label norm macdonald. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 30, 2025

Initial Impressions 2.0 Blog: The Best of 2025



Welcome in to the 2025 year in review for the Initial Impressions 2.0 blog. For this post I went through all of the blogs written in 2025 and whittled down hundreds of entries into the Top 20 funniest or most foolish things I saw or did over the preceding 12 months. I hope you enjoy this look back at the year that was. A video version of this post is available for members over on Patreon!


1. One trip, 3 foolish encounters. First, on my way to the gym, I got a white bucket stuck under my car. I thought it wasn’t large enough so I could easily pass over it. Nope. I could hear it scraping the road, so I found myself intentionally driving into potholes to try to dislodge it. Eventually, this worked. After the gym, I walked to the supermarket at the other end of the parking lot. Inside I saw the funniest fake eyebrows ever. I gasped in shock and had to run away to laugh. It was as if this woman had taken a Sharpie and drawn two straight lines in the middle of her forehead. Was there nobody around to help her? Or stop her? Finally, on the way back to my car, a man who looked like he was hiding a keg under his shirt remarked about my wearing shorts. I didn’t care enough, and he didn’t look smart enough, to explain how I was at the gym a few doors down. I just smiled and kept walking thinking about how that guy probably looks in the mirror and thinks he has a 6-pack instead of the keg. (#51)



2. At my work, we have something called compression therapy. You get wrapped up in these pads that squeeze your body, stimulating the lymphatic system to get moving. It is great for your overall health. When you do this therapy, it is 30 minutes, you relax, and then when the session is done, someone comes in and unwraps you. If somebody has done the compression therapy enough, they might feel comfortable enough to start unwrapping themselves to help. A person was doing that before I got in the room to assist them. It all seemed fine until I went back in to clean off the pads. It was then that I noticed the splatters of blood on different parts of the various pads. It looked like a crime scene. The worst part was that there was another person set to use the compression therapy, and as I wrapped them in the pads, I kept noticing other drops of blood I had missed. I had no poker face and was horrified.(#57)

3. I have a skill, I guess, for being able to have and remember vivid dreams. I’ve written several short stories based on dreams I’ve had. This week was not a story-type dream, but it was memorable. I dreamed I was walking around a mall in California. I was fascinated by the food court, more specifically, a Cape Cod themed burger place. While I stood outside of this restaurant, I heard a voice say my name. It was famed comedian Norm MacDonald, one of my favorites, who sadly passed in 2021. He said, ‘Hey I like that restaurant too.’ Then he gave me a classic Norm one-liner. He said ‘you know what the best part about it is? You can actually go inside.’ Meaning that he was making fun of me, standing and staring longingly at this restaurant from the outside when I could actually go in and eat. It was pretty funny.(#59)

4. Nobody could have told me that one day I’d be driving down Commercial Street in Provincetown in the backseat while in the passenger’s seat, Frankenstein’s monster growled and yelled at people on the sidewalk. The uncle of one of the crew in the film dressed as the famed monster for a scene. We had to drive him to the location, though. As soon as the first woman spotted him and mouthed ‘Oh my God’ it was over. Frankenstein spent the entire drive shouting and growling at people much to my amusement. Too bad it was a short drive, although the wackiness continued on location. I’m sure all of the people driving by were wondering why Frankenstein was attacking people. Or maybe not, it could have been just another day in Provincetown.(#61)



5. Shenanigans seem to follow me wherever I go. I went out for an afternoon adventure after it had rained. After a lot of driving, I made my way to a place in Sandwich called Scorton Creek. It’s loaded with trails, marshes, a few abandoned shacks, and it crosses the railroad tracks. I couldn’t find the old abandoned shack I had found years ago. I made my way to the tracks to make better time back into the woods. I filmed a quick video joking that I was living the movie Stand By Me as I walked the tracks. I said if I saw a train, I’d have to dive off the tracks. 30 seconds later, the dinner train comes rolling down the tracks. I was in no man’s land. I didn’t know how fast the train was going, and I was at the creek so I was stuck. I had to scale down the embankment and watch as the train passed by, basically right overhead. I don’t think any of the people on the train saw the crazy guy at the bottom of the embankment, but you can be the judge, as I made a video about me jinxing myself.(#73)



6. Speaking of phony outrage. While in the deli section of a grocery store, an old man with a big white beard and a straw hat on was asking about getting some bologna sliced. The employee was explaining the differences between types of bologna, and for some reason, this triggered this old man. He started yelling about how not all bologna is the same. To his credit, the employee stayed calm. When the old man said he didn’t know anything, the employee calmly shot back and said he must know something since he’d been working at the same place for 19 years. The angry old man walked away. Another customer made it a point to sympathize with the deli employee and said some things loud enough that the angry old man could hear. I stayed nearby for a few moments just in case there was a second act to the bologna drama.(#74)

7. My sprained ankle happened 3 weeks ago and is getting closer to being healed. Of course, that meant it was time for me to inflict another injury on myself. This time I decided to create a hand sandwich and use the steel of the reverse hyper machine at work as the bread. In trying to adjust the flat pad for a future client, I mistook where my hand was. Instead of having it braced with my left hand, I had nothing. When the arm let go it pancaked my right hand between two steel bars. I had a client on the treadmill and was doing this while she walked to save time. I gasped but didn’t scream. My boss walked in a minute later, and I was basically hyperventilating. I was sure my hand was broken. Luckily, there was a less than one-inch gap between the steel bars so my hand wasn’t completely crushed, just mostly. There was lots of ice, lots of ibuprofen, and lots of bruising and swelling. Oh, and also it was a Monday, and I had a super busy day training clients, so it was a bundle of laughs.(#75)



8. One of the funniest and most random events occurred at my day job. A new patient came in for their appointment. In their hands, they were carrying something odd. It turned out to be a dirty pair of white boxer shorts. They said that they found them outside and that even though they weren’t any of ours, they figured we didn’t want them to be seen by other patients. So this person picked up someone else’s dirty underwear with their bare hands and brought them into our office. To top it off, they then calmly placed them on the front desk next to our office manager. They didn’t even throw them away. They basically presented dirty underwear as a gift to signal their arrival in our office. Our office manager later said that she had to use another piece of trash from the can to sweep the underwear into the can. She then thoroughly sanitized the desk. The wild thing is that the new patient was really nice, and I truly think they believed they were doing something nice.(#78)

9. My car is over 150K miles, so keeping up on the basic maintenance is very important. My goal is for it to get to at least 250K. This week, it was time for an oil change. I usually go to Jiffy Lube since it’s quick and convenient. I mean, they do try to upsell you on a lot of stuff, but that’s kind of par for the course. This time was interesting. Everything seemed to be going well until one of the crew told me they couldn’t get my oil filter off. They said they tried a few ways, but it was rounded, and nothing could get it off. What? Is that a thing? They told me I’d need to go to the dealership, and they could change it. The irony is that the last few times I’ve gotten my oil changed, it’s been at the same Jiffy Lube. Getting the oil filter off has never been a problem. So what changed this time? I have no idea, but they ended up changing the oil and doing a few other things and not charging me. That was nice. Unfortunately, this means I have to do another trip for routine maintenance, and a dealership at that. You can smell the attempted upselling from a mile away.(#80)

10. On Sundays, I like to go out, if the weather is good, and listen to a favorite podcast. I have a few spots I tend to visit that are quieter, shady, and relaxing. The podcast I listen to is usually about 2 hours. Keep that in mind. I went to a recreation area and parked in a nice shady spot, and had my windows down. It was perfect weather. The local bike trail goes through this recreation area, so there was a string of riders and runners going by. Also, there was this one guy. When I first got there, he was standing by the bathrooms. He had a backpack and a sweatshirt on and looked a bit scrubby. Within minutes of my parking, he walked over and sat at a picnic table right in my line of sight. He was eating chips and just staring mostly at people going by, but also down at the ground. I’d say within an hour of my sitting there, he had put his head down on the table and seemed to have fallen asleep. How do I know he was asleep? Well, because he left his bag of chips on the ground, and a hungry squirrel was able to come right up to him and start ransacking the bag. Sure, if the guy moved, the squirrel would scamper off, but it would inevitably come back and go for the chips. I honestly thought it was going to try to get into the guy’s backpack, or bite his ankle, which would have been even funnier. In all, I stayed in that parking lot for over an hour and a half, and when I left, that guy was still face down on the picnic table. Even starting my car didn’t wake him.(#81)

11. I might have witnessed the beginning of the next big rock band. I was in a grocery store where there is a guy who works nights. He’s got to be around 20, but he stocks shelves and tends to scream/sing songs as he does it. This is complete with a denim jacket with various metal band logos stitched into it, and copious B.O. that seeps through said jacket. On this visit, I saw him meet another man, probably early 30s, in the soda aisle. They began discussing the instruments they played and planned to chat later. The employee was so excited by the prospect of starting a band that when he didn’t have a pen and paper to give his number (he did so because the other guy said his phone was in his car), he basically ran to the service desk to get one. So if these two form a band that becomes the next Iron Maiden, I’ll know I was there to see the beginning of their journey. Maybe I’ll be in the biopic!(#82)

12. It had been a while since I had walked the expansive tidal flats at low tide on Cape Cod. It had been even longer since I did it at sunset. Luckily, a pair of friends were down on the Cape and wanted to walk the beach before heading home. The tide was low enough, but there were still some treacherous spots. This came into play as I foolishly decided to keep my shoes on rather than leave them in the car. I did a good job for a little while keeping them dry. That all changed when I decided to perform a long jump to cross a small river where the tide was still going out. I managed to clear the river, which was a win, but a few minutes later, I felt my lower back locking up, so I knew I didn’t escape unscathed. After that, it was inevitable that my shoes would get soaked since I was having trouble with my back. So yeah, injured back, soaked shoes, getting older sucks, but hey, the sunset was worth it.(#84)


13. There are some things you can’t unsee. When stopping at the grocery store, I was ‘lucky’ enough to get to see a man who was a good 150 pounds overweight sitting at an outdoor picnic table. You know the ones that are supposed to be for sale, not for hanging out at? Anyway, the reason this was so disturbing was the fact that he had no shirt on. Yup, sitting outside of a busy supermarket with families going inside just showing off his pasty white fat body. He looked like a snowman covered in dollar-store tattoos. I think the grossed-out looks got to him, as within a minute, he was putting his shirt back on. Too late, Frosty, like I said, there are some things you can’t unsee.(#84)

14. On a curvy road not far from me, there is a speed detector. You know, one of those contraptions that shows the speed limit on that road and then your speed, typically in a large digital font. Usually, these detectors flash your speed, and then if you go over the limit, your speed either flashes or changes color, or something like that. This particular detector does neither. Once you go above the speed limit, your speed disappears and is replaced with a ‘slow down.’ If you keep going, it is then replaced by a pair of eyes with angry eyebrows. Seriously? If you got caught speeding on this road, what are they going to tell you as far as how fast you were going? ‘Sorry sir you were going ‘angry eyebrows’ in a 25 zone.’ So stupid.(#85)

15. Squirrels are definitely one of the most annoying animals there are. Not just with how they run into the road with no regard for the vehicles barreling down on them. It’s also how they are nonstop eating machines who don’t care how they get what they want. Don’t get me wrong, it can make for some funny scenes, which is what happened this week. My sister Ashley has spent years trying to grow sunflowers, which are her favorite. This year, she has finally had a few make it. This includes one flower that is nearly 8 feet tall. Apparently, this was too enticing for a squirrel that climbed up to the top and was sitting on the flower, tearing the seeds out and dropping the petals to the ground. Eventually, we were able to scare it off, but it was too late. It’s still standing, and the bees still like it, but the giant sunflower has seen better days.(#86)



16. I am glad that I have a vivid and strong imagination. That means that I can see a situation clearly, so I don’t need to act it out in reality. What am I talking about? While out for a walk, I was going through one of my favorite neighborhoods. A few hundred feet ahead, coming toward me, was a single man walking four good-sized dogs. I could see it was a battle for him to control them. All I could think of was what if something startled or excited the dogs? I could envision them dragging this poor guy all over the street, or tripping him as he goes flying into the air. It would have been a great comedy sketch. I was smiling widely as I passed without incident and waved. Lucky for him, I have that imagination and a little self-control.(#90)

17. This is a bit of the weird and random stuff that I caused myself. In New England, we got a massive Nor’easter for a good 3 days. In all, we ended up with something like 4 inches of rain in total. I was out for a drive surveying the damage when I got an idea. My car is white; therefore, it is almost always dirty. With the rain still falling at a good clip, I got an idea. I decided to stop at the store and buy some cleaning wipes and paper towels. You see where this is going. Since there was nobody else on the roads, I stopped at a park. I then proceeded to ‘wash’ my car using the cleaning wipes, rain, and paper towels. I ended up with a pile of wet garbage that I had to throw away. It wasn’t as sparkly clean, like a proper car wash would have given, but all in all, my car looked much better after that. Laugh if you want, I know I did as I realized how crazy I looked. I would have died if someone pulled up and saw this idiot using a roll of paper towels to ‘clean’ his car.(#91)

18. On a break from working, I grabbed my phone, selfie stick, and my yearly mini-pumpkin and headed to get some photos. I ended up at the Cape Cod Canal and started wandering around the grounds snapping photos. Everything was normal until I started walking along the water, headed for a marina. I saw a guy fishing, and he gave me the side-eye. At first, he joked to me that my photo would be better if his ‘fat old ass’ wasn’t in the way. I smiled, and he said ‘Hey it’s good to see you again.’ Now I was confused and asked, ‘really?’ The guy said, ‘Yeah it’s me Shawn. I saw you here before not that long ago.’ I told him it definitely wasn’t me, but I was polite and wished him a good evening before going for more photos. No idea who that guy was, or more importantly, the guy who looks like me who is creeping around the canal. Maybe it’s old me from the future coming back to take photos at the canal.(#92)

One of the photos I took along the canal that day.


19. Sometimes I go seeking an adventure, other times the adventure finds me. I was out with my pumpkin, grabbing some Halloween-themed photos at an old mansion. It’s on a quiet road near the beach, but is almost always deserted, which allows me to take my time setting up shots. I parked in a lot that is fairly hidden. I thought there might be a path so I could walk to the beach without having to get on the actual road. There wasn’t one, but there was a smaller overgrown parking lot, which I took a photo of so that I might be able to find out what it was used for. On the way back to my car, I spotted what looked like a decaying house about 50 or so feet back in the woods. Obviously, I needed to go check it out. Unfortunately, there was no path to it. This meant that I needed to bushwhack my way through the trees and brush to get there. It was a mess inside. There was a lot of graffiti, as would be expected. There were also holes in the floor exposing water underneath. Luckily, I caught myself before falling through the floor, but it was close. It’s pretty rundown and a little dangerous, so I don’t recommend going inside. I got a lot of photos and videos, which I put together into a little Halloween adventure film so that you can see what it’s like.(#92)



20. I had two choices. I could do some content work in the morning and go for a walk in the afternoon, or vice versa. I chose the latter. I figured if I didn’t get up and out in the morning, I might not go at all. Well, I chose wrong. At first, my walk was fine. It was cloudy but mild. Great. So I decided to do a little longer loop around a new extension of the bike trail near where I live. As I went down that way, it began to drizzle. Still, no big deal. Then, there I was, nearly 3 miles from my car when the skies opened up. It started pouring rain. I had to take my headphones and shove them in my shirt so they wouldn’t get ruined. I was walking the bike trail in the rain for over 45 minutes, totally soaked. It ended up becoming a fun adventure, mostly because I had no other choice. By the time I got back to where I parked, it was like I had gone swimming in my clothes. Oh, and of course, when I got back to my car, the rain stopped. The afternoon was sunny and 60 degrees, by the way. Wicked boo.(#94)


Monday, March 10, 2025

Initial Impressions 2.0 Blog #59: No Shocks, Old Lady Gangs, Dreams of Comedians, etc.





1. New this week. From the person who brought you vacuuming without the hose attached comes another foolish adventure. This time I had someone lying on our PEMF (Pulsed Electromagnetic Field) mat. It has many benefits including reducing pain, accelerating healing, and much more. Anyway, I was turning it on and the person mentioned it didn’t feel too intense. So I turned it up and turned it up again. Well, it turned out that the wires connecting the mat to the power source were not attached. Instead, I had another device hooked in. So yeah I had them lying on the mat while another piece of equipment was getting the current. It only took me a few minutes to figure it out.


2. I am in the *long* process of creating a website for my podcast. One of the arduous tasks in crafting it is making a comprehensive list of all of the links I’ve shared on all 185 (so far) episodes. What’s crazy is how many of these links I’ve shared, some in only the last 2 years, have been closed down. I mean it makes it a lot faster to create the link page, but wow the turnover is really fast on the internet.

Coming soon...



3. I walked into the gym one afternoon this week. It was quieter than usual which was great. It allowed me to more easily scan the crew that was there. My brain must not have been working well. I looked at an older lady riding an upright bike. From a distance, it looked like she had a tattoo on her forehead. My first thought was ‘why did this old lady get a forehead tattoo?’ It was only after seeing another older lady with the same mark that it dawned on me that it was Ash Wednesday. No there is no gang of old ladies with face tattoos.


4. To me if you wear a mask indoors that is your choice. If it makes you feel safe, or if you have a compromised immune system you should do it. I’d never give a cross look to someone wearing a mask, especially after what we dealt with in the pandemic. That being said, if you are inside and wearing a mask under your chin, the chin diaper look, you are a complete moron. Also, if you repeatedly move the mask from over your nose and mouth to under your chin you’re a double-dip moron. Are you immunocompromised or not? If you are then putting your mask under your chin has exposed you to all sorts of germs. If not then why are you wearing a mask? A fashion statement? Man, just dumb.


5. I have a skill I guess for being able to have and remember vivid dreams. I’ve written several short stories based on dreams I’ve had. This week was not a story type dream, but it was memorable. I dreamed I was walking around a mall in California. I was fascinated by the food court, more specifically a Cape Cod themed burger place. While I stood outside of this restaurant I heard a voice say my name. It was famed comedian Norm MacDonald, one of my favorites who sadly passed in 2021. He said ‘Hey I like that restaurant too.’ Then he gave me a classic Norm one-liner. He said ‘you know what the best part about it is? You can actually go inside.’ Meaning that he was making fun of me standing and staring longingly at this restaurant from the outside when I could actually go in and eat. It was pretty funny.


6. Few things in life make me as happy as I am when I get to spend time with my youngest niece. Her 6th birthday was this week. I loved getting to go over after work and have dinner and celebrate on her actual birth date. My mother makes the joke that my little niece basically owns me. She can get me to do whatever she wants. That was on full display when she proceeded to dress me in pink leg warmers, wristbands, and a headband like I was in a 1980s Jazzercise class. I don’t regret a moment of it though.


7. It took me a few years but I finally got to watch Coming 2 America. The original is one of my favorite movies ever. I can pretty much recite it word for word. I know the reviews of the sequel were middling but to me the movie was perfect. It had so many callbacks to the original. It had everyone they could get from the original. It was a bit sad to see 4 people in the film that have since died. James Earl Jones, Louie Anderson, John Amos, and Dikembe Mutombo. I recommend it to anyone who enjoyed the original.




8. A first for me happened this week. I was headed for the self-checkout lines at the supermarket. There I saw 2 women with 1 full shopping cart. They were dividing up the groceries and using 2 registers to check the stuff out. All the while there was a line of us waiting while these Karens hogged 2 machines. It took all of my dwindling restraint not to say something. The older I get the less I care about what I say and to whom. Just a pair of selfish suck bags.


9. I have found a perfect way to have an energy drink I enjoy and save a lot of money in the process. I have liked the Celsius drinks since they debuted in 2005. Part of that is because they were first sold in a small store near where I lived in Delray Beach, Florida at the time. I feel like I was in on the ground floor with them. Anyway, at Shaw’s they now have packets of Celsius in powder form. You typically get 14 packets for $11.99. Quick math, a can of Celsius sells usually for between $2-2.50. If we go low that means 14 cans is $28. So even on the low end I save about $16. On the high end it’s $35 and I save about $23. I love Celsius even more now.




10. With my Etsy photography shop back in business for the first time since 2017 I have decided to really make a go of it trying to sell some prints. This means trying to craft a good, and affordable, ad on Google. It does take a few minutes to get it right, but I’m hopeful it will be a good risk-reward trade. The funny thing to me is that I have done Google Ads before. In fact all of my campaigns I created are still listed. They’re inactive but listed. When did I last create a Google Ad? 2009. Yes, several years before I had my first book deal I was making ads. For what? Promoting my ebooks and my new website. That’s all well and good but it also means I haven’t done a single Google Ad for any of my 9 books, or my podcast, or my YouTube channel, or my website (at least not since 2009). So we’ll see. Maybe I get a few sales and keep the ads going. Maybe I don’t. At least my budget is very low. Hey, I have to be smart. Just because spending $100 a week is ‘recommended’ doesn’t mean it’s smart.