1997-1998: My Life In Poetry Form - Throwback Thursday

 

This is a weekly recurring series featuring 5 poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and my mind were like at a certain age. It will also show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. We have come back around to 1997 and 1998. I was in college and was 19 and 20 years old.

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No Two Are the Same

What is love? Can someone explain?

How does it let in the sun, but cloud our eyes with pouring rain?

Feel it, deep inside, is a warmth to heal the coldest soul.

Seal it, fate, stabbing pains conquer like a thousand steely thorns.

What is love? Can someone tell me?

How do we earn this gift, then piss it away as an excuse to get burned?

Calms you, soothes your mind, peaceful as a cool autumn wind.

Disarms you, drains our sight, violent as the weakness of sin.

What is love? Can someone open my eyes?

Where do we find the right to use it, 

and then lose grip with the wrongs to abuse it?

Clears out, the darkness escapes, exposing the light we hide in our souls.

Fears shout, weakness comes forward to open wounds like the deepest black hole.

I know what love is. I’ll tell you it’s all that’s divine.

Contains the most sensual of touches, an inner beauty so fine.

Helps the helpless go on, makes the longest of waits seconds.

Holds us up high above the river, where heartache on the waves crest.

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Dream Catcher

Dream catcher, catch me a good life.

Dream catcher, bring me a good wife.

Dream catcher, show me the way home.

Oh please don’t let me live alone.

Dream catcher, come on and show me, all the things I’ve yet to see.

Show my eyes all I can be, all I need to be is me.

Dream catcher, don’t break my heart.

Just give me a beautiful place to start.

Dream catcher, capture a moment, in time to make me fly high above the clouds in the sky.

Dream catcher, solve my problems, give me the answers to questions why.

You’ve got to take my heart out from this world.

Take my heart to that one special girl.

Take my heart and fill it with love.

Take my heart, all I need to be is me.

Dream catcher, give me a sign.

Where I’ll be going in time.

Tortured spirit or kindly divine.

Dream catcher, I’ll know what’s mine.

Soft lights, gentle sound, perfect feelings all around, she is there, sweet love we’ll make.

Oh dream catcher, I never want to wake, I never want to wake, never want to wake

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Forget to Remember

Tide rolls, rolls away, pieces of life remain for strangers to claim,

you or I, we’re all the same.

Is my life to be collected and passed on, or swallowed back into the deep?

The sky closes in, perched above my head to steal the bits and pieces still yet unclaimed.

Don’t forget to remember, the pieces were once you, were once me.

Don’t forget to remember always I am here, pieces uncollected, memories reflected, mirror claims your face, time gets the rest of what’s left.

Wash away, a distant face, clear to gray now out of place.

Once I was a man, footsteps marking the earth,

now my existence is inked with papered words.

When you arrive with me don’t forget to remember all glittering stars fade away,

the most concrete wishes are turned to clay.

Don’t forget to remember, always I am with you.

Blinded eyes see through time, these invisible hands will hold you when you cry.

Don’t forget to remember to look for me in the sky.

Dry up tears of grief, pain will leave when memories return to claim their space.

Will I be remembered here and now for then,

can you keep me alive through smiles and laughs of things I did back when?

When I am gone don’t forget to remember, sunshine, blue sky, who loved you, and why.

Don’t forget to remember not to cry, I see you, live you, breathe you from here.

Give a chance to playing the game of life again,

play for keeps don’t look back for an answer placed right before your eyes.

Don’t forget to remember me, and you’ll know why.

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Miss You

Sometimes I wonder how you are at night. Do your brown eyes still shimmer like they’re absorbing the moonlight? Do you think of me, do you wonder if I’m all right? You always seemed to know me best, every beat of your heart I felt in my chest. I would give anything to see you again as a hovering shadow as the sun parts the waves of the sea. Flash a mirror smile toward me, it’s the very essence of all I’ll ever be. You can turn on the light in my heart with beauty that can bring a tear to my eye. I don’t remember, where the colors changed from right to wrong. I’d never felt good enough for you all along. I found myself in what you told me, saw for the first time with the love you showed me. Enlightened in sorrow, cleared out for tomorrow, but I guess you like it in there.

I wish you understood, if you could hear my thoughts when I’m alone. Hear my begging and my pleas, hopes and dreams, and the one image in which I still believe. I must love you because it burns me black that you’re not here. To know you deserve something better, to know I need someone like you, to believe so deeply you’ve found the one and still be turned away. Peace, love, and happiness are all I want for you to feel. I’m tired of being down, beating myself up for being scared. I’m tired of being alone. Without you I’m not all I could be. I’m lost and you’re the guide. We need each other, need to find each other, hold on to each other, through the night and beyond.

I need to say I miss you until I’ve gone numb from heartache. I wish you were here now, I let this happen it was my mistake. You need to know that wherever you go you can always call on me and I’ll be there. I pray until the words grow old, pray you will catch wind of these cries. See through the shield of insecurity, catch sight of my heart and soul’s purity. Most of all I need to say how much I love you. It’s more beautiful than a pearl from the deepest ocean floor. I need you. You’ve captured my all and everything too and there’s nothing I want more. I want you. I’d forget the past and remember nothing but your love and feel as wealthy as a king in a golden castle. We need each other, as we are two halves of the same one. There’s a chance, for you and me, for us and all we’ll ever be. A heartbeat in two rhythms. There’s hope, we’ll be together, as one, no pressure, you deserve only all I can give. No fear, no lies, just you and I, no reason for goodbyes. Just the thought of you lying next to me gives me all I need to be alive.

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1997-1998: My Life In Poetry Form - Throwback Thursday

 

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This is a weekly recurring series featuring 5 poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and my mind were like at a certain age. It also will show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. We have come back around to 1997 and 1998. I was in college and was 19 and 20 years old.

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Flame

Can’t believe it had to end.

The flame slowly faded, I could not comprehend.

Time, for a change clocks have no hands to point the right direction, 

for me to understand.

Didn’t want it to be this way.

Watched you turn your back and walk away.

I was down, oh yeah I was low, below underground.

You left me there, dirt in my eye with your bald-faced lie.

Thought we’d always be as one.

Silver and pearls, kissing my girl, in the moonlight under the sun.

Not for me, was not to be, my time bought with bad checks bounced away her love to another unworthy.

Can I say how I feel, facing a storm at the wheel, 

control my chances with a sigh and a tear.

The flame is gone, smoke and ash burn my eyes when I look at where we are, when I realize.

I was wrong.

Trust my heart to a heartless soul, 

with a lie to my face and a “know your role”

Slowly in time, my flame will return, for a beautiful person my new love will burn, I’ll find someone.

A quick fix rebound ricochets in the mud, supposed reality will be shattered.

The new and improved will go astray, 

and a poisonous love will long to come home.

You will need me there.

Will you be able to speak from the heart, 

or become shadowed when problems start.

To know that the one you love is never to return is reason enough,

to begin the search for a new flame to burn.

We were blessed with a gift too soon in life to be understood.

Believing we’d make it, not knowing, not caring if we really could.

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Quiet Contemplation

I am down, but do I care?

I could move on, but do I want to?

I’ll stare at a distant corner of darkness and enjoy what I don’t see.

I could shake myself from this tree of pain, but I choose to sink myself into it.

Quietly contemplate the outer reaches of fantasies that will never be real.

Delve deeper into a black hole of mysterious thoughts and memories, for emotions I need to feel.

A red moon hangs low over this sad imperfect world.

Will its blood drip down and drown us in our sorrows, or melt away into the space of another day to live?

My eyes are the magnifying glass that helps me to avoid the big picture, the real reason I feel like I do.

I’ll get up, I’ll move on in time, 

how I get there is yet unwritten.

The problems I face are only a blip on the world’s radar.

With all the plight and suffering mine is just a little pain, so why worry about me?

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Stitch

Drifting in, drifting out of conscious thought.

It’s all about, the times we’ve shared, the times we’ve lost.

The place in your heart my callous hands have crushed.

I’ve split at the seams and broken in two, 

my mind is racing under the soles of my shoes.

For so long, traveled so far, never thought I’d be here now, alone.

Thousand thoughts coming together pierce me at once,

they’re all rolled together, clouded and blurred.

I need to know just where I’m standing.

I need to know how far I’ll fall if I lasso my love to something that isn’t there.

Stitch up my mind, it needs to be saved,

before I’m too far gone and can’t find my way home.

Stitch up my heart with a tight binding love,

to keep me whole when there’s nowhere left to turn.

Flowing up, flowing down, each day I break without a sound.

Hurt can not take me down, but the glowing sadness I feel, stops me from feeling.

Don’t stop, stop loving me.

It’s now and forever I need you to be, by my side, just here with me.

Shells are cracking, my mind has spilled, run over the ground and out of my reach.

I’ll never know if I’ll get it right when happiness can’t last me through the night.

I need to know just where I’m standing.

I need to know how far I’ll fall if I lasso my love to something that isn’t there.

Stitch up my mind, it needs to be saved,

before I’m too far gone and can’t find my way home.

Stitch up my heart with a tight binding love,

to keep me whole when there’s nowhere left to turn.

Save me, close up my heart with a kiss from the heavens.

Don’t walk out, I’ll make it better every day.

I’ll give you my heart, my soul, my time, my all.

If you’d stitch me up and catch me as I free fall.

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Top of the Mountain

Hold your dreams in my hand.

Her love a prize high in demand, mine for now.

She’s mine thanks to you.

Passion or obsession sees it through.

Don’t try to change that which is beyond control.

Feel the pain cast on you, weighted pressure deserved in my eyes.

Shadowed hidden pride can’t save you from heartache.

Taste what you once had, given secrets once held tight in her hands.

And now I know it’s true.

On your foot place the lonely shoe, hear the cries out in vain.

Can you see life’s reflection there, empty filled with pain.

Believe in nothing, for nothing’s now the same.

When you close your eyes tonight say a prayer for me.

That I won’t fuck it up the way your twisted soul has done.

Don’t feel that time will heal, fear not for her she’s happier here.

Better beware yourself to stay away, pressure engaged she will not stray.

Convinced I am right like you once were, I’ll blow your light out in her heart.

To forget what was there, new memories we share, 

obsessed with not being alone.

Please try to understand, wanted what is needed by any other man.

Love, sex, one who will do anything for me blindly, 

step on whomever to get to the top.

If linked and bonded by blood or by words, 

to me it’s no matter, nor is it hers.

Just live and leave us to our lives,

for her love is no longer the straw from which your life stirs.

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1997 My Life In Poetry Form - Throwback Thursday

 

This will be a weekly recurring series featuring 5 poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and my mind were like at a certain age. It also will show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. This is 1997. I was in my first year of college and was 19 years old.