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This is a weekly recurring series featuring 5 poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and my mind were like at a certain age. It also will show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. We have come back around to 1997 and 1998. I was in college and was 19 and 20 years old.
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Flame
Can’t believe it had to end.
The flame slowly faded, I could not comprehend.
Time, for a change clocks have no hands to point the right direction,
for me to understand.
Didn’t want it to be this way.
Watched you turn your back and walk away.
I was down, oh yeah I was low, below underground.
You left me there, dirt in my eye with your bald-faced lie.
Thought we’d always be as one.
Silver and pearls, kissing my girl, in the moonlight under the sun.
Not for me, was not to be, my time bought with bad checks bounced away her love to another unworthy.
Can I say how I feel, facing a storm at the wheel,
control my chances with a sigh and a tear.
The flame is gone, smoke and ash burn my eyes when I look at where we are, when I realize.
I was wrong.
Trust my heart to a heartless soul,
with a lie to my face and a “know your role”
Slowly in time, my flame will return, for a beautiful person my new love will burn, I’ll find someone.
A quick fix rebound ricochets in the mud, supposed reality will be shattered.
The new and improved will go astray,
and a poisonous love will long to come home.
You will need me there.
Will you be able to speak from the heart,
or become shadowed when problems start.
To know that the one you love is never to return is reason enough,
to begin the search for a new flame to burn.
We were blessed with a gift too soon in life to be understood.
Believing we’d make it, not knowing, not caring if we really could.
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Quiet Contemplation
I am down, but do I care?
I could move on, but do I want to?
I’ll stare at a distant corner of darkness and enjoy what I don’t see.
I could shake myself from this tree of pain, but I choose to sink myself into it.
Quietly contemplate the outer reaches of fantasies that will never be real.
Delve deeper into a black hole of mysterious thoughts and memories, for emotions I need to feel.
A red moon hangs low over this sad imperfect world.
Will its blood drip down and drown us in our sorrows, or melt away into the space of another day to live?
My eyes are the magnifying glass that helps me to avoid the big picture, the real reason I feel like I do.
I’ll get up, I’ll move on in time,
how I get there is yet unwritten.
The problems I face are only a blip on the world’s radar.
With all the plight and suffering mine is just a little pain, so why worry about me?
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Stitch
Drifting in, drifting out of conscious thought.
It’s all about, the times we’ve shared, the times we’ve lost.
The place in your heart my callous hands have crushed.
I’ve split at the seams and broken in two,
my mind is racing under the soles of my shoes.
For so long, traveled so far, never thought I’d be here now, alone.
Thousand thoughts coming together pierce me at once,
they’re all rolled together, clouded and blurred.
I need to know just where I’m standing.
I need to know how far I’ll fall if I lasso my love to something that isn’t there.
Stitch up my mind, it needs to be saved,
before I’m too far gone and can’t find my way home.
Stitch up my heart with a tight binding love,
to keep me whole when there’s nowhere left to turn.
Flowing up, flowing down, each day I break without a sound.
Hurt can not take me down, but the glowing sadness I feel, stops me from feeling.
Don’t stop, stop loving me.
It’s now and forever I need you to be, by my side, just here with me.
Shells are cracking, my mind has spilled, run over the ground and out of my reach.
I’ll never know if I’ll get it right when happiness can’t last me through the night.
I need to know just where I’m standing.
I need to know how far I’ll fall if I lasso my love to something that isn’t there.
Stitch up my mind, it needs to be saved,
before I’m too far gone and can’t find my way home.
Stitch up my heart with a tight binding love,
to keep me whole when there’s nowhere left to turn.
Save me, close up my heart with a kiss from the heavens.
Don’t walk out, I’ll make it better every day.
I’ll give you my heart, my soul, my time, my all.
If you’d stitch me up and catch me as I free fall.
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Top of the Mountain
Hold your dreams in my hand.
Her love a prize high in demand, mine for now.
She’s mine thanks to you.
Passion or obsession sees it through.
Don’t try to change that which is beyond control.
Feel the pain cast on you, weighted pressure deserved in my eyes.
Shadowed hidden pride can’t save you from heartache.
Taste what you once had, given secrets once held tight in her hands.
And now I know it’s true.
On your foot place the lonely shoe, hear the cries out in vain.
Can you see life’s reflection there, empty filled with pain.
Believe in nothing, for nothing’s now the same.
When you close your eyes tonight say a prayer for me.
That I won’t fuck it up the way your twisted soul has done.
Don’t feel that time will heal, fear not for her she’s happier here.
Better beware yourself to stay away, pressure engaged she will not stray.
Convinced I am right like you once were, I’ll blow your light out in her heart.
To forget what was there, new memories we share,
obsessed with not being alone.
Please try to understand, wanted what is needed by any other man.
Love, sex, one who will do anything for me blindly,
step on whomever to get to the top.
If linked and bonded by blood or by words,
to me it’s no matter, nor is it hers.
Just live and leave us to our lives,
for her love is no longer the straw from which your life stirs.
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