This is a recurring series featuring five poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and mind were like at a certain age and show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. This is 2005. I was 27 years old. An important relationship evolved, changed, and ultimately ended during this year. Love, a brief engagement, and a tumble into despair. This all heavily affected my writing.
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Baby Blue
All the running that I do now, every moment I remember somehow. I know your time might be far away but there's a glimpse of a face when I hope and pray. All the wrongs are pushed away, what is right in the world will show me the way. When I first hear your voice I'll know everything is okay. So many things I thought I needed but now I know none of it's true. I keep the faith and wait patiently to meet you baby blue. Everything that meant so much means nothing compared to you.
All the strength I thought I'd built, a well of hope that no water could fill. Those emotions not seen, I try to hide, but your eyes see past that, my walls crumble inside. I know your beauty comes from the other side, but I know you're mine from your blue eyes. Can you see yourself in me, 'cause I see me in you. You make me feel all the man I should be, your love will get me through. When the world gets crazy, your soul may be the only thing that remains true. I take my punches and walk the miles of life to come home to you my baby blue. Everything that meant so much means nothing compared to you.
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Muse
She’s got a strength that holds me up.
She’s got a softness that lets me in.
She’s got two eyes that can see me,
and two ears that hear me.
There’s a mind that frees me, a heart that heals me.
My knees still get weak when I see her, just like the first time, every time I still need her.
I can never see myself, without her by my side,
I could never be myself if I never let her inside.
She’s got a way of speaking to me,
in any language she gets through to me.
She knows just how to touch me,
when I try to hide she reaches me.
She’s got two arms to squeeze me,
lips sent here to release me.
She won’t be told, not too shy or too bold,
she’s the fountain of youth when I’m feeling old.
My heart still skips beats like the first time,
last time, every time, she’s the world and all life means.
My heart can never beat on its own,
frozen still when I’m alone,
she’s the inspiration, in her I have grown.
She is my dream, she can have my soul,
she’s got a love that can find me when I am all alone.
She is the world, the sun in my sky, she is the answer before the question is known.
She’s got a strength that keeps me going, and shy enough to let me come to her.
She’s got to ask sometimes, the feelings that I keep inside, but she always knows I adore her,
do anything for her.
She gets quiet sometimes, got to pull her out when she tries to hide, but she always knows I’ll come for her, can’t go on without her.
She’s got a strength that builds me up, and a softness that lets me in, a smile that gives goose bumps on my skin.
My knees still get weak when I see her, just like the first time, every time I still need her.
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Sometimes
Sometimes I feel like I've said all there is to say. As if the best path to the future runs through yesterday. Sometimes I feel like these feelings no longer speak to me. I build up tidal waves but it no longer makes sense to me. What good is emotion without feeling? It's like love without a heart, going halfway there and crawling back to the start. Sometimes I feel like my ink has run dry. I know what lies inside, but words can't escape my mind. Sometimes my life feels reversed. All that was bad really was the good, and the good wasn't real because it felt better than it should. Sometimes I feel like I've loved the best I can. I have given away all my heart and soul, nothing left but to borrow some before I get too old. I feel like I've already gone to the mountaintop, from here all I can do is go down. Sometimes I feel like I've taken all I can. I'm a fragile flower stripped bare by the wind, now nothing looks the same as when I did begin. But someone always picks up a seed and plants me all over again. Sometimes happens all the time when you find you've spent all your time wasting time. Sometimes I feel that at anytime this could all fall into place, or crash and burn and take a lifetime to erase. Sometimes I don't recognize my own face, sometimes I look too familiar and need to shake up my snow globe and see what shape it forms. Sometimes I feel the sun is too hot, but it's only because I've passed through all the storms.
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White Stretch 21
Swirling liquids, mixing signs, white stretch job, king of the prom. Knock me over, underneath that dress, kiss on the shoulder, tongue the bottleneck. Can I be the hero? Champion for just one night? Can I break the mold? Gripping the porcelain tight? Dance floor princess can I ride your pony tonight? Pop the cherry, pop the cork, bloodshot surprise, turn the page, add a number, raindrops sound like thunder. Space between dreams is a merry-go-round. Find the door, stuck on the floor, wishes echoing off the ground. Stop my thoughts, turn off my mind, beat the war dance, oil and water lost inside. Master's fallen, keys don't fit the lock, long night's calling, tick tock, tick tock. Spin the tires, bones like jelly, tip me over, spill me all over myself, fill me up some more. Can I have a hand for swimming back to shore? Got my newfound awakening, now nothing's as it seems, got my bottle cap crown, the king is dead long live the dream.
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