Initial Impressions 2.0 Blog #114: Cash Windfall, 2004 All Over Again, Shell Tree Redux, etc.

1. We have a thing in my state, Find Mass Money. It’s for people to check whether they have unclaimed money, property, stocks, or anything like that. I used it once before and had a small amount of money I was owed on a Sears credit card, probably from the early 2000s, back when Sears was still a thing. This week, one of my sisters messaged me saying that they found me on Find Mass Money. I went and checked. It was through Google and had me listed at an address I hadn’t been at since 2010. I was intrigued and claimed my ‘property.’ For a few minutes, it was like waiting for the lottery numbers to get drawn. Would it be some untold fortune that I had forgotten about? Then I got the email. I’d be getting a check sent to me for the sum of $8.29. Yay. Oh well, it is free money. At least I assume it is. I have no clue what I did to earn it. I’m guessing selling ebooks way back then. Luckily, it’ll only be 6 weeks until I get my check. I can buy a small pizza with a coupon code.


2. If I don’t have a client to train at the beginning or end of my shift at work, I will usually adjust my schedule accordingly so I can have a little extra time to do content/creative work. I had a pair of days this week where it was the opposite. I had a client at the beginning and end of my shift, but nothing in the middle. That’s the worst because it leaves me hours to fill. If we have other therapies to do, or if I have paperwork to do, I can make the day not seem excruciatingly long. However, one day this week, I walked in the door and within 5 seconds found out my first client had canceled less than an hour earlier. She said she ‘didn’t feel well.’ I think it was because it was raining. Anyway, the big issue wasn’t the cancellation. It was the fact that I had no other client until 6 hours later. This meant I could have clocked in maybe two hours later and gotten a lot of work done at home. I was pretty angry about that, but I did my best not to take it out on anyone else.


3. Something that doesn’t happen every day. At work, I was leading both a resting and an active metabolic test. The resting is easy. You sit in a dark room for 10 minutes and breathe normally through a mask with a filter, and the data is recorded. The active is more difficult. Think of it as a sort of stress test. You warm up, typically on a treadmill, and then go through an escalating ramp-up. You go until your body has had enough and then get to do a shorter recovery. Again, you breathe through the filtered mask with the data being recorded. When running the treadmill, the speeds can get up there as the client pushes themselves to the brink. When I did my test a few years ago, I was cruising up to 8.8mph on the treadmill. For this active test, I had the client running the treadmill. They were up to 7.9mph. By that point, we had enough data, so I told them that if they wanted to stop, we could. They wanted to go a little longer, which was fine. Then fate intervened. Out of nowhere, a fuse blew and immediately shut the power off to the treadmill. Luckily, the client caught themselves before they went flying into the monitor. I have no idea what happened. We’ve had the same equipment powered on for a few years and never had a fuse blow. It might have been from somewhere else in the building connected to the same circuit breaker. The client definitely wasn’t complaining that the test was just suddenly over, though. That was the most unique ending to one of those metabolic tests.


4. Being that I am knee-deep in Season 3 of Yellowjackets, you could say I was a little happy to see that Christina Ricci, who plays Misty, had joined Threads. Being that I am a big fan of hers and may have had (or still have) a crush on her for 30 years, I wondered if I should message her, welcoming her to Threads. I went halfway and shared a post that I tagged her in, mostly since I am sure she’ll be getting loads of DM’s and other mentions. I have a slightly higher than zero percent chance of her seeing it or responding, but just know that if she does, you’ll be able to hear me fanboying out through your screen.

5. I was partying like it was 2004 this week. The washing machine where I live is down, so I’ve been driving to the next town over to use the laundromat. Back 20+ years ago, I frequented the same spot to do laundry, not to hang out. So that has been a blast from the past. I’ve even taken the scenic route down past where I lived at the time. After putting together my 1990s retro short video on Instagram and busting out an old flannel for it, I had been jonesing to start wearing them again. I haven’t worn a flannel shirt regularly in probably 20 years. I thought that I needed to change and evolve my style as I grew older. This week though, I caved and wore the same flannel I used to wear when going to that same laundromat back in the mid 2000s. I played my new favorite 1990s playlist I created on Spotify, and pulled up to the laundromat feeling like it was 2004. I doubt I’ll go back to torn jeans like back in the 90s though. I’m like a hybrid of several versions of myself now. It’s interesting how you grow and evolve even when you don’t think you are.


6. There are certainly different levels of stupidity in the world. Driving up a sidewalk thinking it’s a road has to be near the top. Yes, I saw this happen this week. A person pulled their car up the paved walkway leading from the sidewalk to a library. Hopefully realizing how dumb they were, they pulled back out onto the main road, took a turn, and drove into the actual library parking lot. How do these morons even have licenses? They were either a moron or drunk. Instead of GPS and onboard computers, new vehicles should have tattlers like some trucks do. These should be connected to the local police or DMV, and they should register when an idiot driver breaks a law or makes a dangerous mistake while driving. It should tally points with some infractions being more than others. Speeding, crossing into the other lane, cutting people off, these things should be added up, and once you hit a certain magic number, your license is revoked, and your car shuts off wherever you are. Then you have to pay to have it towed as an extra kick in the ass for your stupidity. It’s beyond ridiculous the number of stupid drivers I see. They are all ages, too.


7. One of my new favorite things to do is shoot driving content. I open my moon roof and stick my arm out of it while holding my phone. Before we go too far, I have only done this on quiet back roads with nobody driving behind me, not on a main road or highway. I did a trial run of shooting using my selfie stick from the roof. I hadn’t used it before because I was worried the phone would blow away, because of course it would. After a successful video using the selfie stick, I was even more enthused about driving content. I had a plan to drive to Skaket Beach in Orleans. I knew where I could stop, assemble my apparatus, and get to recording. The drive was a minute or so. I was excited because I could hear birds in the trees while driving. I slowly pulled into a parking spot facing the water. It was perfect, or was it? Nope. Apparently, after I hit record on my phone, I accidentally stopped recording before the dang selfie stick was even extended. So my whole drive down was for nothing. What did I do? Drive back out and do it again. Yes, I did the Skaket Beach drive again because the footage was so good. In the end, I parked in the same spot again, between the same cars. I am sure I looked highly suspect.




8. Winter is finally over, yes. But nothing said the winter weather would go away. Having temperatures hovering around freezing and even seeing some flakes this weekend is enough to make me rip my hair out. Everywhere else in the country is seeing record highs, and in New England, it’s mid-30s. I feel like my body and mind have just shut down until we get our first real taste of spring. I just want to sit around and wait for it. Of course, I will force myself outside to get some high-quality video, but if I didn’t have that, I’d literally say call me when it’s 60. It looks like this upcoming week might see us get regularly into the 50s just in time for April to start. Fingers crossed.


9. I was raised at a time when you were basically on your own growing up, and you had to figure most things out yourself. Being a Gen-Xer meant becoming an adult, or at least feeling like an adult, long before you even had your driver’s license. It made you keenly aware and objectively skeptical of nearly everything and everyone around you. I think this protected us who grew up in the 80s and 90s, but it’s not as helpful the older you get. It makes it that much harder for you to open up and ask for help or advice. As I stare down 50, I feel at times like I am still trying to figure out what my path is. I have many things I enjoy, and I believe several useful skills that could be turned into paying jobs that will feel fulfilling. The problem comes with asking for advice. I feel like I should know what it is I want to do and how to get there. So if I never ask outside voices, even close friends and family, what they think, all I get left with is my own voice. My voice has certain beliefs, fears, and hangups. I try, but at times feel like I can’t see beyond the limitations my own voice and thoughts put on me. So it becomes a process where I am on a treadmill with a sail on it. I am constantly moving on the treadmill, but I can only go so far as the wind will move the actual machine. But being on the treadmill feels safer and more secure than stepping off onto the unknown ground.


10. As far as dating sites go, the worst free version has to be eHarmony. There are two giant issues with that site. One is that you don’t see photos. Well, you do, but they’re blurred. Yeah, I know, the site is meant to match you on personality, but come on. I can’t even get a vague idea of what a person looks like. It’s like they’re in witness protection. The other issue that is even bigger is the fact that your matches are based on your state. Anybody from your state is sent as a match on the free version. I live in Massachusetts, so I could, and have, had matches from over 200 miles away. I’m willing to push my match distance to 50 miles, but over 200? Not a chance. That’s just me. Imagine living in California? You could get matched with someone 1,000 miles away. Why even have match distances then? It’s so dumb. Just match everyone in the U.S. with anyone, regardless of distance. The ultimate disaster would be driving 3 hours to meet a match with the blurred face and getting there, and they’re hideous. Now what? Drive all the way home, or waste more money on a hotel for the night? Yikes. You might be asking why I keep my profile there. Probably laziness. I check every so often, get mad at how lame it is, and quickly sign out. Plus, my profile is hidden, so it’s not like I get messages.


11. It’s interesting how many things can change in a few years. No, this isn’t something about life. It’s about a spot I hadn’t been to on Cape Cod in, I’d guess, 5 years. Long Beach in Centerville is ostensibly just the western end of the more well-known Craigville Beach. There is no divider separating the two beaches. At least that’s how it used to be. Years ago, there used to be this amazing dead tree located about a mile walk from the parking area that was adorned with what had to be a hundred or more shells. Some were painted, others were just resting on or tied to the tree. I believe it was either a dead tree or just a gigantic piece of driftwood with numerous branches. Anyway, probably in 2021, word got out that the shell tree had been destroyed. I went out to see, and it was true. All that remained was a few shells on the ground, and I think a sawed-off stump. The rich jerks who owned that piece of beach decided that they needed to put us commoners in our place and ruin something that only brought joy to those who ventured out that way. This weekend, I returned, hoping that maybe a new shell tree had sprung up. I did find one about a mile out. It was much smaller with a few dozen shells on it. The big thing now is that Long Beach is littered with ‘private property’ signs. Granted, you can walk the water line, but the sign says it’s the owner's discretion. So beware, just when you think the rich assholes have forgotten, they’re going to strike and put a barbed wire fence across the beach. Not so that they can enjoy their ‘private property’ but just so that we have less public space to enjoy.

Part of the new, smaller shell tree.

Initial Impressions 2.0 Blog #67: Monday Runday, Social Media Stalkers, 5K Fun, etc.

1. It was the return of Monday Runday this week. That is where I get out of work, meet my friend Mike at a local school track, and run or walk. It is so much fun, especially when the weather is good. The return of this fun event was not without its challenges. Mainly, it was do I beat the hell out of a selfish, entitled dog owner. I took a detour off of the track to find a porta-potty. Once done there I took a long lap around the school. It was here that I was met with a dog running free while its idiot owners just watched. I yelled repeatedly to get their dog while it ran around me. I kept running but made sure to toss several F words at the moron dude who stood there leaking brain cells on the ground. It did get my adrenaline pumping but man, stupid people.

2. A new piece of training equipment I got to try this week is resistance training for your lungs. It is a mouth guard with a valve attached to it. You can adjust the valve to restrict your oxygen intake. The gist of it is that if you have to breathe twice(or more) as hard as normal to get a full breath then when you’re exercising in reality, you’ll have far more stamina. I suppose you could use it to strengthen your lungs just for daily life as well. My hope is that using it will leads to more stamina running while my calf wedge will allow me to run longer due to increased ankle and calf mobility. We shall see.

3. I don’t know if it is an example of the Mandela effect or if it’s just me, but how did it take me to my late 40s to realize that Tom the Cat from Tom & Jerry was gray during the first years of the cartoons? I thought he was always blue, but it turns out he was gray for a lot of the time. Maybe my sense of color was different when watching the cartoons as a kid? Maybe I am putting way too much thought into 80-year-old cartoons? But also what else from my childhood am I ‘misremembering’ as Roger Clemens once said?

How did I not notice Tom was gray?

4. There are plenty of times over the last few years when I feel like I am working on so many different projects and making minimal progress on each. Typically, my content itinerary consists of podcasts, videos, blogs, and various social media posts to promote all of those. I have also been working for months on a website for my podcast. This is the project that feels like I am making little progress on. Usually it’s because the rest of the content takes precedence. As we speak, I am working on loading in all of the links I’ve shared in 194(and counting) episodes, along with all of the old shows and artwork. You can see that it’s slow going based on the fact that I chose to stop that work to continue this blog. I’m sure the site will be up before my podcast ends, pretty sure.

5. I always find it weird and a bit off-putting when a random stranger likes a photo or post of mine on social media that dates back several years. Like how much are you stalking my pages to find something that far back when I have hundreds, if not thousands of posts? It’s especially creepy on Instagram, where I have nearly 6,000 posts. If you’re that big of a fan to go years back in my archives, then go support me on Patreon, if you’re just a weirdo stalker, then please make yourself known so I can block you.

6. My 5K race this weekend left me shocked and speechless in the best possible way. I had only semi-trained. I looked at this race as a kind of barometer of where I went with running afterward. My goals were twofold. Don’t get hurt, and finish the 5K(3.1 miles) in less than 35 minutes. I ended up beating my goal by more than 6 minutes, and actually beating my last 5K time by a good 45 seconds. To say I am shocked is an understatement. I was tired for sure but I set a pace from the start and barely wavered. As a runner, sometimes the hardest thing to do is run your race and not change your plan based on others around you. I fell victim to that more times than I can count. For some reason in this race, I felt like it was just me against myself, and it turned out better than I could have imagined.

7. The race was the Dennis Chamber 5K. It started and ended at the beautiful Mayflower Beach, which is on the bay side. This marked the 4^th time I ran a race on this course. It’s relatively easy, there are a couple of hills but nothing that any average runner hasn’t seen before. This year’s race had about 250 people, so we were packed like sardines at the beginning. At my peak I used to line up right on the starting line and would take off in a flash. Now I tend to be in the middle of the pack. The faster people take off out of sight, while I still can pass my fair share of slower people who don’t understand that they need to be in the back of the group. There was music, free food, water, a potential free lunch afterward. It was a fun and festive time made all the better by my surpassing my own expectations.

8. I took pride in my outfit for the race. I had an idea for it in my head and had to hope for the weather to cooperate because a rainy day would put the kibosh on my setup. Luckily, it ended up being sunny and around 60 for the race. This meant that I was able to go all out. I had some styling powder from a company named Level 3. It’s great stuff, you can use it on your dry hair. So I spiked up my hair I’ve been growing for the last few months. This didn’t go off without a hitch, as when I opened the container of the powder, I did manage to spill some on my black shirt and shorts. Smooth. Then I had a killer headband from the Junk company. It was blue and black Hippie skulls. Combined with sunglasses, it was a great look. Things went off without a hitch until a few hours after the race. This is when I looked at myself in the mirror and saw that, thanks to the headband, I had a very specific red area on my face. The headband and sunglasses covered my forehead and eyes, so I ended up with what boiled down to a red line about ¼” wide going across my forehead right above my eyebrows. Nice. It was still a good look though.

You can see where I might have gotten red...

9. The weather has been perfect especially over the weekend. It was time to throw open all of the windows and get that spring air flowing through my space. Of course this is the time then that the next door neighbor has a thorough cleanup done on their yard. This was complete with a backpack blower going nearly nonstop for close to 2 hours. It was the ultimate background music for me trying to edit my podcast. I ended up having to close my windows just like it was January again. Booo.

10. In this day and age I rarely have cash on me. I rely on my debit card for all purchases. Only when an issue arises do I wish we were still in the cash days. I was in a supermarket and only when I was at the self-checkout did I realize that the card reader was having issues. I had cash on me but only $5. I wasn’t going to leave my stuff, go run to an ATM, and then come back to pay the rest. After close to 10 minutes of trying and failing a different employee came over and suggested I try the ‘tap’ option. I had done it several times with no luck but to humor her I did one last time. Lo and behold it worked. I was so relieved and said she was a good luck charm. I then bumped into a few people I knew. I felt so good when leaving that I took that $5 and gave it to a group of little girls collecting money for their dance academy. Good karma for me.

Just a little spring photo to end the blog.

Initial Impressions 2.0 Blog #56: Secret Lives, Exploding Oatmeal, Ruined Coats, etc.

1. You never really know who a person is behind closed doors. You might have met someone a few times. A friend of a friend who had a beautiful wife and daughter and you think to yourself ‘he’s a lucky guy.’ On the surface, he seems cool, fun, and to put it bluntly, normal. Then over time, he ends up being a cheater, so not cool. Last but probably not least so far he ends up being arrested for child pornography. So not normal. This is a real guy I had met on a few occasions and thought seemed like a decent guy. It turns out some are just better at hiding the disgusting truth of who they are. Now he has no wife, no mistress, and no freedom as he’ll be spending probably many years in jail for what he was arrested for. Good, serves you right scumbag.

2. I decided to open up an Etsy shop to sell some of my better New England photography. I have been asked numerous times about selling my photos but it always becomes too time-consuming. This probably will too but if it’s a chance to make a little extra money why not try, right? Time is a flat circle though. I went to Etsy to start crafting my shop. Google wanted to automatically sign me in which was fine. Then the craziness happened. It turns out I already created an Etsy shop for my photography in 2017. I just forgot about it. So now I am just cleaning that up and should be ready to sell photos before this blog goes live.

My Etsy shop logo

3. I’ve seen some stupid drivers but I saw one that is right up there with the worst ever. I mean I can deal with idiots that don’t stop at stop signs. You know the ones who just roll slowly instead of stopping? But this particular idiot then outdid themselves. They either missed their turn, or they were just a complete ass clown. Instead of maybe turning around in a driveway, or at a road, this jerk did a U-turn onto the sidewalk and drove the sidewalk a good hundred feet back to the intersection. Disgraceful and dangerous. Oh and before you go thinking it was some young kid it was a middle-aged mother in a soccer mom van complete with a bumper sticker touting their kid being on the honor roll. Definite Karen.

4. I was sad when I noticed a giant tear in the back of my heavy winter jacket when I hung it up at work. I think I caught it on a door handle that pulled and tore it open. I will end up getting a new one soon since winter is not over. The funny part comes from when I mentioned it to my family this week. My sister said she had noticed the ripped jacket last week but assumed I knew. That means I was going all over the place for days with a shredded jacket that probably made people think I had stolen it out of a dumpster or something. Nice.

5. After updating my iPhone I was surprised by a new app. Image Playground allows you to craft AI images from descriptions, or even better from your own photos. It is for iPhone models 15 & up. I have spent way more time choosing random photos to see how AI sees them. It is so much mindless fun. That is until AI decides that your photo from when you were 3 years old has you looking like a little girl with pigtails. Yay, sorry for my Dutch Boy hairdo, it was the early 1980s after all.

Thanks Image Playground

6. I went for a walk along the beach to get some nice sunset photos and videos. There was a house next to the beach parking lot that was being worked on. As I walked down the beach I repeatedly heard the sound of one of the guys working on the house just yelling and screaming. I kept looking back but there didn’t seem to be a commotion. Plus during my time there no ambulance came for the guy. I’m figuring he should find a different job if doing house repairs causes him to yell out repeatedly. It was made funny since he didn’t seem to be actually hurt.

7. A weird phenomenon that seems to happen to me a lot lately is the following. I spend several hours working on content at my desk. When it comes time for a break, like to go take a drive or something, I immediately get tired and start yawning uncontrollably. I notice it a lot when driving that suddenly I am yawning on repeat. Why is that? I feel like maybe my brain is so focused on work that as soon as I take my foot off the gas my brain is like ‘cool, time to crash.’

8. My goal for almost my entire adult life has been to make my living solely in some sort of creative field. Writing books or travel writing, podcasts, videos, etc. Having been on this path for so many years I feel like I put a lot of pressure on every piece of content I do. At times I believe it’s like a lottery ticket I’ve created. With every piece of content I release it’s like maybe this is the thing that gets the right set of eyes on it to make my goal of being a self-employed content creator a reality. Sure it keeps me motivated to keep going as the next one could be the big winner. It also casts a shadow of disappointment over everything I do when it inevitably doesn’t become my breakout creation.

9. It’s a strange thing. I make the same amount of oatmeal. In the same container. Same microwave. Same amount of water. Same time. Yet despite this every now and then the oatmeal decides to overflow the container. I can never predict it but it seems like it happens right when I let my guard down. Wham! Oats all over the microwave. Yay, good morning.

10. I created a video based on my most embarrassing race ever. It’s up on YouTube now. To sum it up, dehydration and beer combined do not make for a pleasant mix. Anyway, working on that video got me thinking about running and wouldn’t you know it I ended up signing up for a 5K race in May. My body is nowhere near where it needs to be to run but I do have about 10 weeks. You get 15 minutes after you sign up that you can cancel your order and I will admit I was watching the timer tick down debating it. In the end, I’ll end up doing it and just lowering, I mean really lowering my expectations. At least I know I won’t be drunk and crying after this race like I was after the race in the video I made.

My most embarrassing race, but a funny story now.

Initial Impressions 2.0 Blog #53: Liquid Crack, Secret Statues, Stupid Tattoos, etc.

1. I was saddened to learn that an old favorite energy drink was discontinued a year or so ago. RedLine drinks by VPX were super hardcore. Their little energy shots were the only energy supplement ever that affected me in such a way that I swore to never take them again. I had an old friend who would refer to RedLine as ‘liquid crack.’ I have been a Guinea pig for energy supplements for years. Now RedLine will join a list of products I enjoyed that have been discontinued because they are unsafe. I mean I guess that’s a good reason. I’ll miss you RedLine. Say hi in drink heaven to Ephedra Tea, Speed Stack, the original formula of Jack3d, and others.

RIP Redline

2. I am still in the learning phase of the camera on my new phone. This week I took a drive up to the Cape Cod Canal for some photos. I had a cool idea to attach my phone to my selfie stick which also has a tripod base. The idea was to get it all set so I could record myself driving out to this spot called Mashnee Island. It’s a beautiful scenic island with some homes on it. Anyway, I spent at least 10 minutes in a parking lot trying to get the setup to work to no avail. I gave up and didn’t even make the drive out to Mashnee. I went to the nearby Market Basket instead.

3. Icy mornings are no fun. They do make you appreciate spring and summer though. We had a storm this week where it was rain at first on Cape Cod and then transitioned to snow overnight. This meant that when it was time for me to leave for work I had to chisel caked ice off of my car windows and doors. After about 5 minutes of chiseling, I got tired and frustrated and decided it was time to leave regardless. Eventually, my windshield was cleared of ice by my heater and wipers. However, the first few minutes of my drive consisted of my head being cocked to one side so I could see out of a clear spot. Cold hands, neck pain, whatever.

4. I am not sure what is worse, or more disgusting. A person who chooses to not wipe their equipment off at the gym? Or a person who uses one paper towel to ‘clean’ every piece of equipment they use? I ask because there is a really gross guy at the gym who gets one paper towel and then reuses it dozens of times. No, he doesn’t spray cleaner on it repeatedly, nah, just one spray. I am sure it’s still sanitary. Then again this guy looks like 10 lbs of crap in a 5 lb set of beige overalls so I don’t know what I was expecting.

5. As a content creator I have to do a lot of promoting of my work. Nobody else will do it for me. One of the most annoying yet hilarious parts of my promotion comes from a few podcasting groups on Facebook. I share photos and links to my shows on a few such groups. I can count on the same thing happening nearly every time. I put up a post and within seconds there are comments or messages from these jackass people begging for me to pay them to promote my podcast. I now have to turn off notifications for comments on my posts. When these morons message me I immediately ban them on my Facebook podcast page. I am not sure how much the promoting on these podcast pages helps but I have to do all I can to put my name out there. Even if that means disabling notifications and banning people every time.

6. I saw a guy in the grocery store from afar. I thought he had a neat intricate beard on his face. When I got closer? Nope. It was a tattoo. This guy had cursive words inked onto his jaw. I think it might be hard for me to find a stupider idea for a tattoo besides someone who chooses to tattoo their entire head. Yes, I have seen that too with some psychopath at the gym. I’m definitely not anti-tattoo. I am anti stupid tattoos though.

7. It’s always fun when you throw your laundry in and about 5 minutes later realize that you forgot something in the pocket of a coat. Yeah, fun. It was the USB cord for my new phone. The best (worst) part was the washing machine being locked since I stopped it mid-cycle. I had to spend a few minutes figuring out how to unlock it. Then it was another few minutes rifling through sopping wet clothes to find the cord. Good times.

8. It took less than a week for my small dry-erase board to be rendered useless. It weighs nothing and came with 4 big squares of double-sided tape. In theory, it should easily stick to a wall or door. Sadly this was not the case. I had the board stuck snugly on a closet door. The first night I was awakened by the sound of the board falling off and hitting the floor. I thought maybe I hadn’t attached the board securely enough. I pushed on that tape until I was close to cracking the dry-erase board. A few days later I was sitting at the table when I saw it once again fall off the door. For now, I have given up on having this dry-erase board hanging anywhere. It is sitting face up on a table now as useless as can be. Money well spent.

9. I went with my buddy Steve on a fun afternoon photo trip to a few Outer Cape towns. I had a secret spot to show him, plus there was another spot I wanted to check out. These were both close to the beach in Wellfleet. The first spot, an interesting statue on the side of a summer house’s yard, was a success. We nabbed a few photos and got off the property. The second spot was a fail. I wanted to see the famed Oysterman House where Henry David Thoreau stayed on one of his trips along Cape Cod’s outer beach. It is on a secluded dirt road in the middle of nowhere. I was all for walking down the driveway, grabbing a photo, and running away. Unfortunately and ironically the only other house within sight was located next door. I only got about 10 steps down the driveway before I heard a car door shut and saw a person. I ducked back out to the road and we left that spot behind.

10. A bonus of the long walk back to the beach parking lot from the failed attempt at the Oysterman House was finding a fun toy left behind. We assumed it was a dog toy but it was a funny-looking stuffed duck. I was tempted to take it with me and do some sort of skits with it like when I owned a camcorder in high school. Steve wasn’t keen on a dirty dog toy hanging out in his truck so I had to settle for a quick photo.

Proof of the duck's existence.

11. A neat full-circle moment came when we went to shoot the sunset on top of Bearberry Hill in Truro. The last time I visited that spot was the last day I had a drink. The next day I gave up alcohol and have never looked back. That was nearly 4 ½ years ago. It was nice to be standing there in the same place but in a far different place all at once.

12. We ended the photo trip at the iconic Days Cottages in Truro. It’s basically impossible to take a bad photo there. The only problem was the weather got colder and very windy along the water. I was running around getting as many photos and videos as I could. I had to get a photo of colorful clothespins on a line. Unfortunately, the wind wouldn’t let it happen unless I held the line. This led to some frosty fingers but that’s a part of the dedication to the craft.

Cold hands don't care.

What I've Learned In My 40s(so far): 6. You Are In Charge Of Your Own Happiness, Nobody Is Coming To Save You

I turned 40 on November 2, 2017. There is an old saying that ‘life begins at 40.’ I used to think that was just something middle-aged people said to make them feel younger. Maybe that is a part of it. I believe that the wisdom behind that saying is that you spend those first 39 years accumulating all kinds of knowledge that you can start to practice when you hit the Big 4-0.

As I stare down 47, my 40s so far have been the most difficult and also rewarding decade of my life. I never thought I’d find a time where I’d feel more unsure, insecure, lost, and yet filled with optimism. My teens used to be the benchmark until my 40s.

I’ve learned a lot in my life. Some of it has been useful as I’ve aged. A lot has been pointless. No amount of studying prepares you for coming to grips with your own aging, your own mortality, or your own demons. No amount of preparation can soften the blow of loss and grief. My 40s have been a trial by fire. They have seen me dropped in hostile environments mentally with no survival gear and having to learn on the fly.

So what have I learned in my 40s so far? A lot.

6. I Have Learned That You Are In Charge Of Your Own Life, Nobody Is Coming To Save You.

This piggybacks a bit on the previous section(read it at the link at the end). When it comes to chasing your dreams you will have a lot of supporters but in the end, you are the one who is going to have to do the chasing. Sure, some people will give you advice or a helping hand but nobody is going to pick you up and carry you to where you need to be. That is all on you.

In your adult years, you learn more and more that you are the writer of your own story. Your job, where you live, who you surround yourself with, you have a choice in all of it. I have been one to fool myself into thinking that certain things were just meant to be, good or bad.

This becomes a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. If I wish I had a different job but never apply anywhere then I’m stuck where I am. If I wish I was in a relationship but never talk to anyone then I’ll stay single. This can be applied to any situation. If you don’t change anything nothing will change.

Nobody is coming to save you, or me, or any of us. I wish I had more helping hands, or sympathetic ears, in my life. Many times I have had to navigate rough seas by myself. I either knew I had to or didn’t have the time to wait and see where the chips fell. Being self-reliant is both rewarding and terrifying. It means you get the credit for your successes but you also get the blame for your failures. That is all on you.

This doesn’t mean that the world is a cold and lonely place. It can be if you make it that way. It just means that the person you see in the mirror is more often than not going to be your dance partner in the game of life.

Much of what you have read in these articles, the deaths of loved ones, financial issues, mental health struggles, and alcohol addiction. For the most part, I fought through those things on my own. I am currently going through a struggle with weight gain and very likely I will be battling that on my own.

I am not saying don't ask for help or don’t confide in people. Many will do what they can when they can. I am saying that it’s your life and you are the one in charge of it. You are the director, not a non-speaking extra.

In the end, every decade of my life has been highly consequential and influential and I am sure my 40s will be no different. I will never be as young as I am right now and with every passing second I hope that I am gaining the wisdom to make the next day, week, or year, the best it can be.

Remember there is no textbook on how to live your life. Sure there are loads of self-help books, personal development books, and people of experience to help guide you. However, there is only one you. What works for someone else might not work for you.

My 40s so far have been a lot of gaining inspiration from others and using the inspiration to try to continue down this path I’ve been on for so long. I’ve wanted to do more with my life than just be a 9 to 5 worker. I’ve always felt I had more to offer creatively. It has been a relentless and sometimes fruitless journey on this road but it is a journey I feel destined to continue on.

A goal in my life is to live to be 100. That means I am almost halfway done. My 40s seem to be the decade thus far where I am trying to fortify whatever my legacy will be that I leave when I’m gone. I am coming around to the idea that I will be an example to others.

What I mean is that things I have done will be used by others to hopefully inspire them. Chasing your dreams until you’re well into middle age? You all should do that. Don’t ever give up on them. Making mistakes but learning and recovering from them like I did with my alcohol addiction? I don’t advocate drinking to excess but I advocate not letting mistakes be what defines you.

Most of all I try to be a better version of myself than I was the day before. Even if I improve .0001% I am still moving forward. I think that’s all we can do in life, try to become better versions of ourselves.

I wrote this on my 47^th birthday and was very happy with how it came out. I think it encapsulates who I am and what I have learned in my years so far. I hope you enjoy it.

In my mind, I’m still 8 years old first discovering my love of writing. I’m still 18 at my high school graduation wondering what the road ahead looks like. I’m still 23 and failing spectacularly at life in Las Vegas. I’m still 27 thinking I’d found the one. I’m still 35 basking in the glow of my first book. I’m still 37 thinking I was the best version of myself. I’m still 41 and staring down the barrel of insurmountable losses of loved ones.

In reality, I’m 47. I’m none of those people and yet I’m all of them. I carry all of my past selves with me for they are the ones that made me who I am.

The people I know and have known through all of those years, they are the grains of sand that make up the beach that is my life. Many of them are single grains that came and went. Some of them are the huge boulders upon the sand that have lifted me up beyond where I thought I could go.

I’m 47 and am as undefined as a summer breeze, as unsure as a dark walk in the fog, and as confident as a tenured professor with a mind that still feels like a child on the first day of school.

This is my life. I’m grateful for every moment that came before and excited for every moment still to come.

Previous: 5. There Is No Expiration Date On Your Dreams

What I've Learned In My 40s(so far): 5. There Is No Expiration Date On Your Dreams

I turned 40 on November 2, 2017. There is an old saying that ‘life begins at 40.’ I used to think that was just something middle-aged people said to make them feel younger. Maybe that is a part of it. I do believe that the wisdom behind that saying is that you spend those first 39 years accumulating all kinds of knowledge that you then can start to put into practice when you hit the Big 4-0.

For me, as I stare down 47, I can honestly say that my 40s so far have been the most difficult and also rewarding decade of my life. I never thought I’d find a time where I’d feel more unsure, insecure, lost, and yet filled with optimism. My teens used to be the benchmark until my 40s.

I’ve learned a lot in my life. Some of it has been useful as I’ve aged. A lot has been pointless. No amount of studying prepares you for coming to grips with your own aging, your own mortality, or your own demons. No amount of preparation can soften the blow of loss and grief. My 40s have been a trial by fire. They have seen me dropped in hostile environments mentally with no survival gear and having to learn on the fly.

So what have I learned in my 40s so far? A lot.

 5. I’ve Learned There Is No Expiration Date On Your Dreams

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.”

That quote is attributed to writer George Eliot. I attribute it to my Grampa. For you see I have that quote handwritten from him on a piece of paper sticking out of a mirror. I see it every day and remember the reason why he wrote it.

I had wanted to be a writer from the time I was 8. Over the years my dreams morphed into singer/songwriter, film director, poet, novelist, travel writer, podcaster, and finally where it is today, content creator. That is a sort of catch-all. It means I want to use my mind to craft works that people enjoy and will hopefully pay for.

My dreams of being totally self-employed as a content creator drive me. I like being a trainer but if I got the opportunity to work only for myself I’d do it in a heartbeat. I am in my late-40’s now and that still is the case. Dreams shouldn’t have a shelf life. If you truly want something and truly believe in it you should keep pursuing it. There are times when the content I create (podcasts, blogs, videos, etc) is the only thing that makes me happy.

I have had many times that I thought I was close to achieving this self-sufficient dream only to fall short and fall back. There have been times I’ve thought about giving up on a dream and falling in line with some mundane unfulfilling job just to make money. Then I think of those words my Grampa wrote for me.

I had 4 published books at the time, was a few months from turning 40, and was still having to work a full-time day job to make ends meet. I told Grampa that I didn’t know if I’d ever get to where I wanted to be. He wrote those words down. He said that even though he didn’t come up with them those words were what he believed and they were what I should believe, especially on the days when I felt less than.

Today I have 9 published books, hundreds of podcasts videos, and blogs. I still have to work a day job though. At this point, it is a mix of stubbornness and fear that keeps me going. I have come so far that I am always of the mindset that the big break is just a moment away. I also have had many friends and family who have supported me and I fear letting them down by giving up.

Maybe tomorrow something major will happen. Maybe it won’t. I feel that as long as I am on that road that the chance is always there. You don’t have to want to be a writer, content creator, or anything like that. Whatever your dream is, your real dream, keep chasing it because the only time you truly fail is when you give up.

Next: Part 6 - You Are In Charge Of Your Own Life, Nobody Is Coming To Save You.

Previous: Part 4 - Nothing Is Guaranteed and Sometimes A Step Back Can Move You Forward