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Thursday, March 27, 2025

2001: My Life In Poetry Form - Throwback Thursday

 

This is a weekly recurring series featuring five poems all written within the same calendar year. They capture a sense of what my life and mind were like at a certain age and show the evolution of my life, mind, and writing style. We return to 2001. I was turning 23 years old. I had returned to Cape Cod to Las Vegas trying to process that chapter of my life.

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Bullseye


Do you remember me? I’m that guy who used to be afraid, worrying about what you’d see. Do you remember my name? Rings a quiet bell, listen closely the ringing’s growing louder. Do you see me in a different light, or just another shade of the same? Are my eyes still as blue as the sky? If you reach down deep you may find that spot you once touched, it could still be waiting for you. See I’m the same outside, but inside, my heart, my soul, who I am has all been moved around. I wish I could say I was a hero back from conquering savage lands, but I’m just a man, who finally understands. I’m coming home. I’ll no longer be alone, cause now I’m coming home. Not the same old place, not the same old face. A different you and a different me, back here together, like how it’s supposed to be.

Has it been that long since I went away? I’ve lived decades inside a year, crossed oceans foaming with fear, but it’s just a passing night’s sleep back here. Isn’t it great to finally be free? Not tied down to love, pride, or guilty promises. A passing cloud or gentle breeze is what brings on my thoughts. We all need that release to let the heat escape, and pressure subside. If you’ve ever listened to a word I’ve said, listen to what I say now. Freedom is life, failure will not kill, and once in a while, we must empty out before we can refill. And I’m coming home. I’ll heal this wounded soul, 'cause now I’m coming home. Not the same old place, not the same old face. A different you and a different me, back here together, like how it’s supposed to be.

Do you remember? Do you remember the light? Do you remember the sky? Do you remember the sun in my eyes? Do you remember the sweet smell of love? Do you remember the rain after it falls? Do you remember what you have? Can you forget about what you don’t? Do you remember where we left off? Do you remember how it feels to be free?
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If I Had The Time


If I had the time I’d like to travel around the world. I’d plant a seed on every shore, and a kiss on every girl. I’d say I’ve done it all then go out and do some more, like discover the answers and reasons our ancestors looked for. If I had the time I’d like a home under the stars. Away from city streets and neon-soaked bars. Free of the smog and lights that never sleep, free from the rushing waves of people's shuffling feet. I’d step from the shadows and bathe in the sunlight. Ride the first breeze wherever it took me and rest my bones under an old oak tree.


When time has passed us by, will we be eternally blessed? I think of all I haven’t done and just hope I’ll have the time to. When life has ended, how many memories will we take? How many empty promises will tear us apart? Heaven can wait, there will be forever to remember. Today can’t wait, maybe tomorrow never comes. Make some memories while you still have the time.

If I had the time I’d throw a party that had no end. I’d live each day as the last, and treat each morning as the first. If I had the time I’d walk, not drive, to enjoy just being alive. I’d drink it in, all I’ve seen and where I’ve been, follow the sun to the foot of the sea, with waves of clouds in the sky and waves of water before me . The only sound a heart beat at rest, forgetting the concept of time.

If I had the time I could take it slow. If I had the time I could dream of years to come. I could relax as life moved like eroding sand to the ocean floor. Time is not on our side, it stays with us until we fall behind. Heaven can wait, when we get there time will be waiting. Today can’t wait, cause sometimes tomorrow is forever. Make some memories while you still have the time.
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She Came Along


Looking at the way things have gone, it’s amazing that I haven’t just shut down. What goes around comes around, it’s like dodging bullets as they fall to the ground. Facing up to the past, making promises I hope will last, it’s all too much, hitting so fast. When it feels like every day is the last note of a beautiful song. The time is right, but the place is wrong. When I’d given up and packed it in, she came along. If all I knew of her was her smile, a beautiful picture in my eyes would it still paint. If all I could do was wait a while, a thought of what I’d seen would be enough. Afraid of letting go, afraid of holding on. Do I let her in my heart, is she already there?

Looking back on things I’ve said and done, it’s amazing I’m not too frozen to move by now. What you give off is what you get back, it’s gluing myself together as I continue to crack. Now I can see that what you wish for you may receive, it’s giving hope to all of the dreamers. With every step, I get farther, with every breath I get closer. Planets and stars, the empty glass window the sky lies beyond, the only road I’ve ever needed, then she came along. All I knew of her was she made me smile, something countless others couldn’t find. All I knew of her was she made it easy, easy to do what I thought I’d never do again.

If she was ready, could she wear the crown?
Cut the strands of sadness holding me down.
If she was willing, would she swim the oceans with me? Float on our backs til all the land disappeared. If she was able to turn sand to glass blindfolded, what could she do if she opened her eyes?

If she was ready, would I be ready? To fill the emptiness. To light the darkness.
If she was willing, would I be willing? To unchain the locks. To free the me inside.
If she was able, would I be able? To give her what she needs. To accept her for who she is. Looking back, I’m only looking back as far as my eyes and mind will let me. But in time, I may find, that I never felt like I belonged, until the day she came along.
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Who’s Listening?

Hello, who’s listening? Hello, what did I say? Does it really matter?
All this hopeless chatter? It pains me so to feel this way.
Hello, who’s there? Hello, does anybody care? 
What about all this I’m feeling?
These thoughts I think I’m stealing. Can’t seem to make sense of it all.
When the sky has opened and the rain pours down, if I don’t listen does it still make a sound? Is it possible I’ve gone the wrong way?
When the dam has broken, and the river’s choking, 
if I shed no tears will I still be sad?
Is it possible that it’s the only way I’ve left to be?

Hello, I’m listening. Hello, what did you say? Does it really matter?
Whether it’s sooner or later, it pains me so to see you this way.
Hello, I’m here. Hello, does anybody care? About all of this you’re feeling?
The bad hands they’ve been dealing. 
All of what is meant to be makes no sense at all.
Save up all your pennies, in ten years buy a piece of heaven,
remember not to throw it away.

When the storm has broken, and the final word’s been spoken, if I don’t hear it will it ever really end? Is it possible someone is finally listening?
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